it's hard to explain lizzie. I never saw myself as meek and I really wasn't. In fact that was and is a point of conflict between my mom and I "how could you let that happen, you're too smart and strong" etc. She never believed some of the things I told her that happened.

I wasn't meek. I just believed in the good of people and I've always been very giving. I figured most people thought the way I did and would do the same for me! I didn't consider it 'putting myself out' for someone and I wasn't keeping score. It was not until certain events where I could see very plainly how things had escalated and what I had sacrificed for him that really mattered to me, and I was pressured into.

But verbal confirmation (seriously) that it had been fun for him to play with my head because I was smart and confident....well that is pretty much when everything clicked and I lost it. If I hadn't given up so much that was important to me, it might not have been a huge deal....but that is not the case.

I have always felt the more you have been given in life the more is expected of you to give back. I grew up in a modest family but I was naive and I really thought I had everything and I wanted to help everyone and I thought I was strong...not meek. In fact it was learning to admit that I am not that strong and cannot handle everything and that I am only human that I learned to say "no" more often and do less for others. It sounds really cheesy....but I had to learn to care for myself as much as I did other people. I had to learn to be more selfish. Because most of the time I saw myself as the stronger person that could handle everything. And that applied in a lot of situations and interactions with people. Not just doing things for others (thats more obvious, its not like I was always running around doing things for everyone), but in the way I allowed them to speak to me (and that especially applied to my family) Where I might have previously allowed myself to get lectured, or talked down to or sucked into an arguement, or just expected to tolerate bad behavior in general, I stopped. I no longer allowed others to make me doubt myself or feel guilty for THEIR bad behavior. The dynamic in my family was hard because I was the youngest and expected to just allow people to treat me however they felt was appropriate, all the while telling me how privilged I was. Making me feel guilty because I had more opportunities than them, or I had more toys, or more whatever. That has never ended! I could (and probably will...someday) write a book. So I am going to stop!

I didn't know that some people felt they could take advantage of me and I certainly did not think some people would go out of their way to do so...that idea was foriegn to me.

I have always been strong willed....I just preferred to shoulder the burden in certain situations (I thought I was being strong!). I learned that from my mom! I didnt know where to draw the line, though, until something that really did matter to me, happened. That made everything much more black and white and things came into focus and I could see how it applied to other areas of my life.