gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #11  August 16,2009, 9:54am
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Accents can be difficult then you're not used to them, but the more he speaks and the more interested you are in understanding what he's saying, the more you'll get used to the accent. It's only inflexions after all, it's not as if he's speaking a completely different language, and even if he were you'd eventually pick that up. Are you sure you're not just looking for a reason not to go any further and focusing on the accent because because it's obvious?
 
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k374 is offline k374 Post #12  August 16,2009, 10:04am
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Is he from India? That's the only part of the commonweatlh that I can think of where some of the accents are hard to understand and where English is a primary language.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #13  August 16,2009, 10:29am
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Communication is the very core of building and maintaining a relationship. You do not indicate in your post that you find his accent to be offensive or irritating but that you have a problem understanding what he is saying.

This means that you have difficulty communicating with him. Therefore you are going to have a very difficult time building and maintaining this relationship. I would not consider this to be shallow at all and you are being unneccessarily hard on yourself.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #14  August 16,2009, 10:56am
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KISS MORE, TALK LESS
 
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #15  August 16,2009, 12:21pm
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got married!

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Don't feel bad. I have known my bestfriend for over 20 years, but I still have to ask her to repeat herself from time to time (or guess what she is saying sometimes) because of her heavy accent. LOL!
Last edited by AsianFusion; August 16,2009 at 4:35pm.
 
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Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #16  August 16,2009, 1:50pm
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My humble opinion is this, Yes you are right, do not try to change yourself for anyone, it doesn't work!
However just a FYI, when my parents met, my father could not speak English and my mother could not speak French, 44 years of marriage later, (then my Dad died), they were still together having raised 5 children!!
Interesting to know, they both became fully bilingual!
But if this is not for you and you know this inside, don't try to change yourself!
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #17  August 16,2009, 5:13pm
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Go with your gut. Community is paramount to any successful relationship. If you're letting go of a quality guy because you don't think his accent is "sexy" enough, that's one thing. But if you truly can't comprehend what he's saying because the accent, that's something altogether different.

Is he worth being patient for? Let him know, as tactfully as possible, that you have trouble with his accent. If he cares about you and realizes that taking the relationship to the next level hinges on this, he will work on it. It's not snobbery per se, it's just a "failure to communicate."

Best of luck.
 
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Doodler is offline Doodler Post #18  August 16,2009, 5:22pm
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gothustartus wrote :
Accents can be difficult then you're not used to them, but the more he speaks and the more interested you are in understanding what he's saying, the more you'll get used to the accent. It's only inflexions after all, it's not as if he's speaking a completely different language, and even if he were you'd eventually pick that up. Are you sure you're not just looking for a reason not to go any further and focusing on the accent because because it's obvious?


I agree with this. My first thought was to wonder if your difficulty understanding his accent is really what is bothering you. Do you feel that his accent makes him seem somehow less intelligent? Would you feel embarrassed to introduce him to your family or friends because of his accent? I might be totally off base, but that is the first thing that came to my mind.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #19  August 16,2009, 6:04pm
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Doodler wrote :
I agree with this. My first thought was to wonder if your difficulty understanding his accent is really what is bothering you. Do you feel that his accent makes him seem somehow less intelligent? Would you feel embarrassed to introduce him to your family or friends because of his accent? I might be totally off base, but that is the first thing that came to my mind.
I definately don't think that he's not intelligent or that I'm superior. I couldn't dare own such arrogance in myself. With friends, I'm not embarrassed per say, but I sometimes feel bad, because I feel that he's getting left out of the conversation. (They have problems understanding him as well.) So many times when he makes a comment, my friends nod and smile politely. Then, when he excuses himself, they ask me to tell them what he said so they can give him a proper answer once he returns. They aren't mocking him, but they feel uncomfortable asking him to constantly repeat himself. They are always very cordial. (I don't make it a habit to hang out with rude people. Insane...maybe, but not rude.)

Just sitting thinking about it, I can't really find that I object to aything else about his character. But then again, once I got to thinking about it, it doesn't seem that I know him as well as I would like, and that he likely knows me better than I know him.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #20  August 16,2009, 6:12pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Ladyjuju wrote :
My humble opinion is this, Yes you are right, do not try to change yourself for anyone, it doesn't work!
However just a FYI, when my parents met, my father could not speak English and my mother could not speak French, 44 years of marriage later, (then my Dad died), they were still together having raised 5 children!!
Interesting to know, they both became fully bilingual!
But if this is not for you and you know this inside, don't try to change yourself!
Here's the ironic part. He can speak some French. But my trying to understand his French is worst than my trying to understand his English. But also the French I speak is creole/cajun French which is different from French outside of Louisiana. I wish I knew your parents' secret.
 
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