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beentherehavetee beentherehavetee is offline
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All things considered....the economy etc.....the one thing that bothers me here is "BACK TAXES"! The IRS didn't 'hit him up' for back taxes. He wasn't paying his taxes, so the IRS came after him! Plain and simple. That indicates a certain level of financial irresponsibility to me. Sorry.
- August 17th, 2009, 12:07 pm
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cwhite1028 cwhite1028 is offline
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MCMLXXII wrote :
Is marriage on the table? Because if it is, his debt becomes yours.
This is very very very TRUE.

The above being said I would not let that stop me from seeing someone however, once the marriage thing comes up or they want to borrow monies... Good luck finding me in the Hills...

And beentherehavetee is correct "BACK TAXES" is the worst been there bought the tee and paid for it!!
- August 17th, 2009, 12:21 pm
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Tanzenlieber Tanzenlieber is offline
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Here's my take on the question: Until you say "I do," you are in no way responsible for the other person's financial situation. It's good to know about it in advance and to take it into consideration as you go along, but until you have a committed relationship it shouldn't be a problem. Keep in mind that financial troubles can be the symptom of a serious character flaw, so you'd want to know the reasons that this person got him/herself in such trouble and what steps they are taking to get themselves out. Your primary job in dating someone is to assess the other person's character. If you find other indications that this person has serious character issues, it's time to get out of the relationship.
- August 19th, 2009, 10:07 pm
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flgal flgal is offline
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Ladyjuju wrote :
Ok, so if he got himself into debt for any other reason than medical school or educational expenses, I should drop him like a hot potato?
What if he got himself into debt because he, like many people out there, got caught up with loosing a lot of money in investments, and with the recession, did not make as much money as he needed and used credit to make ends meet. i.e. looking after his kids needs, etc. because the mother of his children walked out and has not paid a dime for their well being. He is paying his bills, but it will take him several years to get debt free. I am very much confused over this situation. In some ways, I think, there, but for the grace of God, go I.
It is just a very difficult situation to make...that is, what do I do?
He has a great job, he is dynamic, projects a very successful person, no one would ever suspect he was in so much financial debt, however, he confided in me his situation tonight.
It sounds like you're torn because he has enough other good qualities to possibly balance out his less than desirable financial situation. Maybe you could take things very slow and decide if this is something you can live with as you get to know him more.
- August 23rd, 2009, 08:26 am
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Avalon1k Avalon1k is offline
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Well if he is trying to get out of debt and living responsibly then I would not worry about it. Get to know the guy. If money is your main object in dating (and life) then I feel sorry for you because you have no idea what's coming or how to deal with it.
- August 23rd, 2009, 01:15 pm
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Avalon1k Avalon1k is offline
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If the guy is dealing with the debt then I would say yes get to know him and see how it works out. If money is your main focus in life the you will have no idea how to deal with what is coming.
- August 23rd, 2009, 01:18 pm
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JoyfulVA JoyfulVA is offline
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I did a stint as a debt counselor awhile back and the difficulties people get into can break your heart. Some are the honest truth and some are woven from whole cloth to put a pretty face on an ugly situation that has hurt previous relationships. As several have already posted - don't co-sign, don't add him to your own accounts, and don't give him your own money to pay off those debts. I give him points for putting it on the table and time is needed now to see if he is truly diligent about paying things off. But please protect yourself.
- August 23rd, 2009, 01:41 pm
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Bballfan Bballfan is offline
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Okay....I have a hard time with some of these answers. Yes, I agree that some people are not good at handling money. On the other hand, MANY, if not most, very (should I say VERY again?) financially successful people have gained and lost....only to gain once again. I am speaking of a different category of financial security maybe than most are.
I used to do mezzanine financing, better known as hard money lending. I was the bank that lent money to others. I have had several businesses that were successful. I recently created two businesses, both in real estate, one at the end of 2006 and the other in early 2007. Neither business is now worth more than I owe. Did I foresee the fall of the economy? No. Did I always know that real estate would go up and down? Yes. Did I always know that the stock market would go up and down? Yes. When one is an investor, they take more risks than others. You don't make big money working for others. Sorry for the reality. So, my reality is that I am for the first time in my life starting over. It is a tough position to be in, but winners rise to the top and I will, too. I always have.
I don't feel one can be so pompous while they are on top financially, because the bottom is always just next door. It is all just money.
In closing, I will quote John 8:7, "If any of you is without sin, let you be the first to throw a stone..."
Many blessings, Susan
- August 26th, 2009, 09:46 pm
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Understated Understated is offline
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I can't honestly say "Ignore his debt, what's money when you have love" because this is the real world. I have a total debt after 12 years of marriage of about $20K. Almost all of this is in credit card debt and personal loans which I am paying high interest on. Most of this came about when my wife lost her job and was unemployed for about 2 years (a year of this was going to school) and I needed to pay payments which were over my solo income. We have no assets which can be used to arrange a lower interest loan and we will be seperating and then divorcing in the near future (long story, see my other posts if interested). When we do, I will be maintaining the bulk of this debt (I make twice what she does now and she will be hard pressed to pay her expenses and take over the student loans).

My plan is to spend a year or two after the divorce paying off this debt and THEN begin looking for a long term relationship. What if I meet someone before that and it is the right one? I'm not sure how that would go, but I do know that I would tell her where I am and what I am doing about it.

I am not irresponsible with money but I have made decisions which I now know were not the best. Live and learn.
- August 26th, 2009, 10:20 pm
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DeBrown DeBrown is offline
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50K is a LOT of money. I agree with the others that the "back taxes" is a red flag. My advice would be: Do NOT marry this guy! Do NOT even live with him, because you may end up with a common law marriage!

People should never, ever, ever use credit cards for living expenses they cannot meet! That is a hard and fast rule.

I, like some other posters, would urge you to watch Suze Orman. She has a web site too. Watch her every day for 2 weeks and I think you'll know the answer to your question!

While money isn't "everything," it IS something. Fights over money is the #1 reason for divorce. Having money is way less stressful and relaxing than not having money.

I would make him go to a credit counselor, where they may be able to reduce his debt, and they will come up with a structured plan that will allow him to pay back what he owes and still have enough money to live on. It will be hard, but if he really is the guy you say he is, he will do it. If he doesn't want to do that, or he signs up for the program but "falls off the wagon," I would break it off immediately.

I hope this advice is helpful to you!
- August 26th, 2009, 11:07 pm
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