passat1 is offline passat1 Post #1  August 15,2009, 6:05pm
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Is there a fear of dating someone you know not too much about it? It happened already and I dont know why. For instance today I made 3 calls ( to matches whom I reached open communication with and had a few other generic phone calls/ emails exchanged too) to offer to go on a date. All 3 answers were negative. I just don't get it.
It's not the timinng We've been in contact for at least 30 days with some of the 3(even more than 30 days with the other 2).

So A was not so nice - She simply said Don't call me, dont ask me for date - I am not interested in relationship anymore? (Well she did not specify whether specifically with me, or other men as whole)

B- seems to had always medical problems, ever since we get to OC, she simply said she cannot meet other people (may be is not too honest or either not interested too much in meeting me). She had a surgery before, I told her it won't bother me, I'll just wait till she feels better and suggested her to choose the date and time whenever ready to. Indeed nothing happened, so I called and ask her again - she declined the offer - without comment.

C - I think she figured it out she don't want to date someone from 220 miles away, although no promises were given to each one or any suggestions for anything else than a 1st date. Although I asked her right after we got into OC what is her opinion on talking to someone who is not in so -close proximity- she said she don't mind.

So my question is is there a something like fear of date, becuase you don't know the person you'll meet very much? I am just trying to be polite and even offered the 3 that they select place and time for 1st meeting, yet no positive answer. So what else could be the reason for refusing a first time date, assuming all safety and precautions are followed, even you can bring someone undercover to watch out for your back. May be it could be the all 3 were not that much interested in realtionship at all, may be is something else. Any ideas? All opinions appreciated, thank you in advance for your responses.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #2  August 15,2009, 6:26pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Sounds like you might want to consider other matches. Certainly, there are, as I've written in other threads, safety concerns for first dates that may cause some women to place restrictions on the meeting just until they get to know their date a little better, but that's not what happened here. If a woman is interested but needs to decline a date, she always offers a reason as to why. And if she's really interested, she'll follow it with a counter, such as "I'm busy on Friday but I could meet you on Saturday". But again, this didn't seem to happen here, which kinda suggest these matches aren't very interested. Let them make the next move. But don't sit around waiting until they get it together. If they do, they do. If they don't, oh well. Keep looking.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  August 15,2009, 6:26pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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If things are going OK through online communication....but then there's a pattern of them going bad at the phone conversation I think it likely that you're doing something in the phone calls to turn them off.
 
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passat1 is offline passat1 Post #4  August 15,2009, 7:03pm
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jayjay wrote :
If things are going OK through online communication....but then there's a pattern of them going bad at the phone conversation I think it likely that you're doing something in the phone calls to turn them off.
Not much, we didn't get too intimate or too much close to each other on the phone. May this be the reason however. I should had a longer talks before asking for date?
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #5  August 15,2009, 7:12pm
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Jumping back in the pool.

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Sounds like none of these may have been right for you. Personally, I would rather meet quicker than what you've indicated. If you're waiting a month or longer to ask me out, I'm probably going to think that you're really not that into me.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  August 15,2009, 7:13pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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singinggirl wrote :
Sounds like none of these may have been right for you. Personally, I would rather meet quicker than what you've indicated. If you're waiting a month or longer to ask me out, I'm probably going to think that you're really not that into me.
I agree.
 
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passat1 is offline passat1 Post #7  August 15,2009, 10:35pm
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This might be the case with C. The other 2 were asked within 2 weeks of reaching OC. Just like Creole Princess mentioned If a woman is interested but needs to decline a date, she always offers a reason as to why. And if she's really interested, she'll follow it with a counter, such as "I'm busy on Friday but I could meet you on Saturday" Never got a counteroffer. I guess that makes it self-explainatory.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 16,2009, 6:41am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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jayjay wrote :
If things are going OK through online communication....but then there's a pattern of them going bad at the phone conversation I think it likely that you're doing something in the phone calls to turn them off.
passat1 wrote :
Not much, we didn't get too intimate or too much close to each other on the phone. May this be the reason however. I should had a longer talks before asking for date?
I have almost never talked on the phone with any of my matches before meeting in person.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  August 16,2009, 6:52am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Hmm, I wonder if it is something with MA that is the problem. I notice that you live there and there have been a couple of other people that lived in Boston that complainded of bad dating situations.

OK I will be serious.

I am presuming that these are eHarmony matches. I notice that you spend quite a bit of time communicating electronically before asking to meet in person. I usually will suggest meeting in person after a week or two in Open Communication (after 6 or 8 e-mail exchanges). I almost never have talked to a match on the phone before meeting.

I am going to assume that you have photos on your profile and that you have taken the time to fill in your profile so that there are no surprises revealed just before you ask these girls out.

I will say that these girls don't seem to be very nice as they seem to have been leading you on by continuing to communicate for a period of time then when you want to meet they drop you. If they were not interested in meeting they should have said so somewhere early on in the process.
 
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dancermom48 is offline dancermom48 Post #10  January 6,2011, 8:46pm
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I'm with the quicker is better camp. Email is to easy to misunderstand each other. Isn't it the chemistry (or lack of) that you can only tell in person? Did these 3 women know about the other 2? Sometimes people feel that when someone has multiple feelers out there, that is a turnoff and sometimes it is the opposite, they want to "win" and be chosen--then of course, the chase is over. Just a thought.
 
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