Why are we dating each other?


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Comedian is offline Comedian Post #1  August 15,2009, 1:05pm
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I've been dating a man for several months, and I don't know why! We have very little in common, virtually no chemistry, and clearly no future, so why do we keep going out together?
We see each other every week or two and usually email a half dozen times in between. We don't talk on the phone, because our conversational styles are different, and I tend to talk too much and he talks too little. But we seem to get along when we go somewhere together, but I am not sure why.
Even the physical stuff is so-so. No sex, just affectionate snuggling which ends without any passionate interlude. If we were a long time couple, I would say that the relationship had gotten too comfortable, sort of stale. But this is right away! I talked to him about the lack of "spark" in our interactions. He said that he thought that some things develop over time. Clearly he isn't head-over-heels for me either!
Then I didn't hear from him for a week.
I became very upset that I had evidently ended this lackluster arrangement, so I stopped over at his house. He was very nice about it, and we immediately started seeing each other again.
What am I doing? Why do I want to hang out with this man who has different politics, different hobbies, and different activities from me? Help?
 
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peacepositive is offline peacepositive Post #2  August 15,2009, 1:08pm
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Could it be that it is easier than being alone and going thru the process of finding someone else? And I ask that not to be offensive, but from a position of empathy.
I have been there. Better to know you have someone there, than to sit at home alone. At least for me, but I am very social person who thrives on having people around me.
 
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Comedian is offline Comedian Post #3  August 15,2009, 1:15pm
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Yeah, I had thought of that, but I didn't like the idea! I admit it is nice to have something to do that doesn't involve family or work and is only for fun. And he can be fun! When we go on motorcycle rides in the mountains, we have fun and don't even have to talk to each other!
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #4  August 15,2009, 1:22pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Maybe it's that he provides good companionship. I don't have any doubt that you're important to each other, but it sounds like your relationship is more along the lines of a very close friendship than anything romantic, even though you were both seeking more initially. It also sounds like you've grown very comfortable with having one another around. Of course I could be completely off base, but that's my 2 cents.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #5  August 15,2009, 1:23pm
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...because having someone near you who's body temperature registers at 98.6 is better than no one?

Just a thought...
 
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Comedian is offline Comedian Post #6  August 15,2009, 1:34pm
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From what you all are saying, I must be really lonely! You're probably right. But I hate to think that either one of us is just waiting for something better to come along. Is that what's going on?
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  August 15,2009, 1:35pm
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Comedian wrote :
I've been dating a man for several months
Sounds to me like you're friends (to some extent) and still in the getting-to-know-you phase. Maybe you'll never get any farther than that. Is that a problem?

Personally, I could never get into a relationship without going through a good getting-to-know-you phase first.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #8  August 15,2009, 1:39pm
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Comedian wrote :
From what you all are saying, I must be really lonely! You're probably right. But I hate to think that either one of us is just waiting for something better to come along. Is that what's going on?
Ding, ding, ding! You win a toaster!

Good luck.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #9  August 15,2009, 1:42pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Comedian wrote :
From what you all are saying, I must be really lonely! You're probably right. But I hate to think that either one of us is just waiting for something better to come along. Is that what's going on?
I wouldn't say that you're necessarily lonely--I just think you have found someone with whom you connect in a way that you weren't expecting. I can't really say that either of you is waiting for someone better to come along, because that would depend on your true feelings toward each other. If you are still looking, then maybe you are waiting for something better. If you aren't still looking, then I'd say you aren't waiting for something better. Really, you're the only one you can answer that.
 
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Comedian is offline Comedian Post #10  August 15,2009, 1:46pm
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I actually am not looking for anybody else. I've even stopped new matches on eHarmony, but my life has been hectic lately... Maybe he will find somebody else and I won't have to think about it anymore.
 
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