When a married man says divorced in profile


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parakeetjordan is offline parakeetjordan Post #1  August 14,2009, 8:43pm
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There is a man I am interested in who stated in his profile that he is divorced. I am an attorney and found out that he is not divorced, and when I asked him via email whether he is divorced or not, he said that he is in the process of getting a divorce, and that he chose divorced instead of separated as a marital status on chemistry.com because he doesn't intend to be separated. I am interested in what people's opinion is of this. Thanks.
 
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MCMLXXII is offline MCMLXXII Post #2  August 14,2009, 9:31pm
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A lie is a lie. Period. If you can't be truthful about something as simple as marital status, how can I trust that you're going to be truthful about your sexual, credit, or medical histories?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  August 14,2009, 9:41pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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I would definitely report this to the website administrators.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #4  August 14,2009, 9:42pm
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I'm the type of person who likes to grant the benefit of the doubt, and I probably would have given him a pass on saying he picked divorced instead of separated, because his divorce was so close to being finalized (if indeed it was....as in only a few days away). I wouldn't have liked it much, but I would have been willing to forgive it. But to say he doesn't intend to be separated doesn't quite do it for me. As they say, the path to hades is filled with good intentions. Intentions mean very little.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #5  August 14,2009, 10:03pm
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How far along is he in the process of getting his divorce? Are they still living together? I know you said he doesn't intend to get separated, so I'm assuming he means a legal separation. It is rare for people to live together all the way up to the day their divorce is final.

Since you are an attorney and were able to determine that he is still married, can you determine whether a divorce petition has even been filed yet?

I would date someone whose divorce finalization was imminent and no longer lived with his wife, but not someone who was only thinking about getting divorced and still living with his spouse. If it was the former situation, I would be forgiving of him listing himself as divorced rather than separated. If it were the latter, I'd say goodbye.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  August 15,2009, 4:16am
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You're a lawyer, separated is not a legal marital status. Given what you know of his level of honesty would you want to put him in front of a jury as a witness?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 15,2009, 4:19am
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In answer to the title of your post. If someone was to put in their eHarmony profile that they were divorced I would take it to indicate that they were neither single never married not widowed.

eHarmony does not allow married or separated people to be on the site. This is not the case with all dating sites.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  August 15,2009, 4:21am
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because he doesn't intend to be separated

What does this mean?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  August 15,2009, 6:46am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
How far along is he in the process of getting his divorce? Are they still living together? I know you said he doesn't intend to get separated, so I'm assuming he means a legal separation. It is rare for people to live together all the way up to the day their divorce is final.

Since you are an attorney and were able to determine that he is still married, can you determine whether a divorce petition has even been filed yet?

I would date someone whose divorce finalization was imminent and no longer lived with his wife, but not someone who was only thinking about getting divorced and still living with his spouse. If it was the former situation, I would be forgiving of him listing himself as divorced rather than separated. If it were the latter, I'd say goodbye.
Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
You're a lawyer, separated is not a legal marital status. Given what you know of his level of honesty would you want to put him in front of a jury as a witness?

I'm with WonderWoman on this.

The one thing I would add is that it's rare a divorced person will remarry the first person to come along afterwards. So if you want to marry, I would count him out and focus my energy elsewhere. But if you don't care about that, then go ahead and have at him!

And, GreatGuy, how many courtrooms have you been in? They put all kinds of shady characters on the witness stand. Sometimes the only witnesses you have are people you wouldn't want living next door to you! Geeez.....
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  August 15,2009, 6:47am

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I had this happen to me on eharmony too. He told me after the first phone call. I was hurt actually, that he led me on.

I had some clues in his profile that he was not very far beyond his divorce (which is the real issue to me, the time period) so it all added up to me, when I heard it. I was still annoyed he felt he could trick the system.

Sure enough, he was not ready to be dating. He was a nice man, but needed therapy or close friends and family more than he needed a date.

I heard all about the drama on our first date and he did cry....

Really. It was one of those things though....I went on the date more out of curiousity than anything. At that point I was already pretty aware (pre date) that this was more of an experience builder than a possible relationship!

That is my story. I'm sure there are some poor fools out there in the middle of a 5 year divorce and its not his fault at all (that happens...right?). But I'd be very cautious.
 
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