Should I pursue this or move on?


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smashingovi is offline smashingovi Post #1  August 12,2009, 8:41pm
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I must admit I have gotten myself into a pickle and do not know what to do next. Long story short I am on Facebook and by adding one of my email accounts and searching its contacts Facebook matched an email address to a girl I met about a year ago through E-harmony.

The history with this girl is that we went on a few dates and I thought everything was going well. On the day of our 4th or 5th date she texted me to tell me that I was a great guy and she really enjoyed hanging out wtih me but she was going to pursue another relationship and she could no longer see me anymore......ouch it stung a little.

Fastforward to a couple of days ago. After much debating I decided to send her an email message through facebook (I didn't ask her to add me as a friend). I figured what the heck if she doesn't respond no big deal. Low and behold she sends me an email back asking how my summer is going.

I figure she is replying just to be nice so in my return email I tell her about a trip I might take in a couple of weeks and I also make sure to ask a follow up question about the summer trip she told me about in her 1st email. Again she responds back pretty quickly to answer my question. Not only that she follows up and asks me more questions. I am not the sharpest tool in the shed but I am pretty sure she is not annoyed with me contacting her.

So the pickle is what's my next move? Am I nuts for even pursuing this? Should I ask her if she is seeing anyone? Should I go for the even bolder move and ask her if she is interested in meeting up for a quick happy hour after work one night to catch up?

I am open for thoughts and suggestions.

Thanks!
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #2  August 12,2009, 8:55pm
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i'm not the sharpest tool to make an accurate interpretation either the only way is to find out by asking
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  August 12,2009, 9:46pm
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Does she remember that you dated a few times from eHarmony or does she think that you are just a new Facebook contact?

If she has indicated that she remembers you from eHarmony then maybe the match she was pursuing earlier did not work out and now she is open to starting something up with you again.

You need to first find this out.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #4  August 12,2009, 11:27pm

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Never look a gift horse in the mouth. You two have a little history so much so, that she felt comfortable with getting to know you again.
Just go out and have a good time and stop 2nd. guessing yourself.
I would not do the happy hour to start out with because it lacks intimacy and privacy. I would try a nice restaurant that has light Jazz or soft music so it sets the mood and see what happens.

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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  August 13,2009, 12:00am
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Move on. Once you are rejected, you are rejected. End of story. Besides, if she was both single AND interested in you, she would have found you again a long time ago, right?
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #6  August 13,2009, 4:14am
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I suggest taking the middle road....at least for a little while. Just continue the communication and see where it leads. It may not lead back into a dating realtionship, but you might end up with an awesome friendship. Lots of people date and then figure out they are better off being friends. So, that is one possible outcome.

But taking the time to get to know each other, you might decided that she's not someone you'd like to date anymore. People do change, sometimes over relatively short periods of time. Yet, it things go well for a while and you're still interested in her and you get a vibe that she's interested in you, ask her out. Timing is everything, so you'll have to figure out when is the right time to proceed to the next step. But who knows. Maybe, she'll end up asking you out.
 
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #7  August 13,2009, 5:30am
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Being relatively new to the FB world, it's been my experience that "friends" are cheap and communication even cheaper. My 80% guess is she is simply keeping busy and otherwise playing along with things FB.

Further, once rejected never go back; or at least I don't. I'm sure it probably sucked, but your ego is bound to take a hit by grovelling, whether you realize it or not.
Last edited by Raw_Truth; August 13,2009 at 5:42am.
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #8  August 13,2009, 6:54am
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Usually I am the one who will say it is not worth another shot but in this case, it might be worth it.
One poster said, once you are rejected, that's it. I don't agree with this because especially on dating sites you can find yourself dating more than one person and both can be nice guys but a "nice" person will be forced to choose even if both guys are very nice. With any choice in life you never know if it is the right one and if there was nothing really wrong with the other person then why not approach if the original choice didn't work out?
And, as another poster mentioned, you can simply ask her out and if she is just interested in being a friend, then she will let you know.
I also disagree with the poster who mentioned that if she had wanted to contact you she would have. Most women (not all, of course) will not be the first one to contact. I have on occasion but it is rare.
What is the worst that can happen? She will say she is not interested. At least you will know. What is the best that can happen? Well, if something wonderful happens, then you can be thankful you made that second contact!!!!
Good luck to you.
 
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smashingovi is offline smashingovi Post #9  August 13,2009, 8:01am
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[quote=Gr8Guyn2008;709013]Does she remember that you dated a few times from eHarmony or does she think that you are just a new Facebook contact?

She definitely remembers who I am. I told her I was thinking about taking a trip to a certain big city at the end of the month and in her reply email she asked me if I was going there to visit my uncle that lives there and she even remembered the name of the suburb that he lived in.

Maybe I am overly optimistic for reading too much into that
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  August 13,2009, 8:09am
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In the course of your friendly correspondence just ask her how her dating with that other guy is working out.

She'll either tell you it's going great, and then you'll know you're "just a friend" or she'll tell you it didn't work out.

If it didn't work out, then ask if she's seeing anyone else. If she says she's not, then ask if she'd like to get together again in person to "catch up" and go from there.
 
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