You often hear single people say "I'm just not going to settle." Often when you hear this among younger never married individuals it comes across like they've got this idealized and fantasized picture of what they want, and it's just not realistic. And when you hear this term "settle" you most often think they are referring to physical appearance.

I would be lying if I said I didn't have certain physical preferences, and it is important to me to feel very attracted to my partner. However when I think of "settling" I think in much broader terms. I've learned over time (and through a previous marriage) that there are some things that just make it a lot easier on a relationship. For instance I am the type that likes to stay at home much more than going out. I'm not opposed to going out and having dinner and a movie or something similar, but I really want someone who doesn't feel like they have to be on the go all the time and can be content just hanging around the home. Having read different profiles I've seen women who feel very similarly so I know they're out there Another area I feel strongly about is being with someone who finds a way to be positive rather than looking for opportunities to be negative. I have a hard time being around people who are constantly unhappy about their life and constantly complaining.

So the two areas I mentioned above are very important to me, and these are areas that I won't "settle" in. On top of the fact that these are preferences, I've also learned through experience that in order to be a good fit for me these things need to be present. I have a wide range of acceptability in terms of looks and size (others might not consider it so, but imho I'm flexible enough ), but if I see certain things jumping out at me in a profile then I close immediately.

I've thought along these lines for some time, and the recent "Dealmakers" thread sparked some more thoughts. Reading in these forums I often see a lot trying to see how they can make something work with someone even though they seem to have nagging concerns about certain areas. If there are areas that are very important to you then I don't believe you should settle. As the cliche' goes, you should really be trying to find someone you can't live without rather than trying to find someone you can tolerate.