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Mystified101 Mystified101 is offline
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Hi,
I've been seeing a man I've met on Eharmony now for about 6-7 dates, and either talk on the phone or email each other daily if we don't see each other. The dates have gone nicely, he has been very respectful, we have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. But he continually says that "he always jumped in to relationships too fast" in the past, so this time he wants to take his time and date different woman. At what point do I say....Hey, you need to make a choice here. I don't want to be part of something like the Bachelor show, where he gets to date how many woman and then after 2-3 months, he chooses who he wants. How long should I let something like this go on? He keeps telling me that he really likes me, can see great potential between us, but then goes out with other women on the nights I don't see him. In the past, I've usually dated one person at a time to see if we "click" and then if we don't, then I see someone else, one at a time. What do you people think out there in dating cyberspace? And no, we have not had sex, just kissed and held hands on our dates so far.
- August 11th, 2009, 04:26 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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This could be okay. It does seem to be normal and common to meet multiple people until deciding to be exclusive with one. You should do the same – that is the best way to manage it.

However, this does not really sound like how to communicate that, so my guess is that he knows already that you are not what he is looking for in a relationship, and, since he doesn’t want to be alone, he comes with this non-data to conceal the truth.

Personally, I never cared who else women might be seeing. I accepted or rejected them on my own assessment of our suitability.
- August 11th, 2009, 04:58 pm
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Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
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And why aren't you dating other people too while he is dating others?

You should go at least 8 dates before beginning any relationship talk... that way, you can see if you get along with and have fun with the other person without that pressure.
- August 11th, 2009, 05:05 pm
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Ron Ron is offline
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Be patient and take your time here. Continue dating, and try to concentrate on having fun versus calculating whether the two of you are "perfect" for one another. If the two of you really do have potential, your relationship will continue to grow.

In another month or so, assuming things continue to go well, inquire if he has given any thought to the possibility of being exclusive. This approach is better than issuing an ultimatum, which in this case would almost certainly backfire.

In the meantime, keep your mind and your options open by dating a few other men.

Good luck!
- August 11th, 2009, 05:32 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is offline
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For me, it would depend on how much I wanted him. He still wants to see other women; until he's ready, you can't change that.

Your own decision whether or not to see other men is a separate issue. You do what's comfortable for you, same as him.

I would say 2-3 months is enough time for him to decide if he's serious about you or not. If he's not, and you are, then you have to decide to either hang in there, or move on.
- August 11th, 2009, 05:38 pm
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angelofmerci angelofmerci is offline
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If he were truly interested in you with him playing the field as he has been doing then I think he knows by now whether or not he wants to go to the next level with you. You have given him more than enough time for him to make up his mind. It is time to move on. Good luck
- August 12th, 2009, 12:47 am
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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Mystified101 wrote :
At what point do I say....Hey, you need to make a choice here. I don't want to be part of something like the Bachelor show, where he gets to date how many woman and then after 2-3 months, he chooses who he wants. How long should I let something like this go on?
I'm very similar to you in this regard. In the past I've only dated one person at a time, and I don't see myself changing this plan of action any time soon - too hard and unrewarding from where I see it.

Personally, I would not even let it get to 6-7 dates. That would be at least a month of dating for me and there is a danger of developing emotional attachment (human condition, largely unknown to amphibians ) to someone, who is not on the same wavelength as you. Which is why I make my exclusivity clause known to potential dating partners during the first meeting or two.

In your situation - no time like the present, I'd say, so that you dont expose yourself to more discomfort of knowing that he is seeing other women at the same time. Just let him know about your decision and calmly explain your lack of desire to play bachelorette in his show (that show is one of hte most ridiculous reality shows I've seen). Allow him a day or two to make his decision based on this information. If he still insists on seeing other women, then let him go his way while you go yours.

Dating is supposed to be fun. Feeling uncomfortable and uncertain of your own footing is not fun at all. So why put yourself through this? Find something or someone that helps you have fun instead! Good Luck!
- August 12th, 2009, 02:21 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Maybe he read the book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.

You say that you date one person at a time until you see if you "click". How many dates do you have before you make this decision? If after 6 or 7 dates you have made a decision that you click and want to become exclusive and he is not ready for that level of commitment then you have to decide if you are jumping in too fast, if you want to go at his speed or if you are going to bail out.
- August 12th, 2009, 07:19 am
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Nanette Nanette is offline
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Mystified101 wrote :
Hi,
I've been seeing a man I've met on Eharmony now for about 6-7 dates, and either talk on the phone or email each other daily if we don't see each other. The dates have gone nicely, he has been very respectful, we have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. But he continually says that "he always jumped in to relationships too fast" in the past, so this time he wants to take his time and date different woman. At what point do I say....Hey, you need to make a choice here. I don't want to be part of something like the Bachelor show, where he gets to date how many woman and then after 2-3 months, he chooses who he wants. How long should I let something like this go on? He keeps telling me that he really likes me, can see great potential between us, but then goes out with other women on the nights I don't see him. In the past, I've usually dated one person at a time to see if we "click" and then if we don't, then I see someone else, one at a time. What do you people think out there in dating cyberspace? And no, we have not had sex, just kissed and held hands on our dates so far.
i wouldnt say anything at all. and i wouldnt have a problem with what he is doing. i also wouldnt be waiting around for the guy (not saying you are but this is what i would be doing) which means i may not be available if he calls. i would also cut out the daily emails/communications

what do you think of him at this point? youve been on 607 dates.
- August 12th, 2009, 07:27 am
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Maybe he read the book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.
Where do you find all these amazing, very helpful books?
- August 12th, 2009, 08:19 am
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