Playing "The Bachelor"???


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Mystified101 is offline Mystified101 Post #1  August 11,2009, 2:26pm
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Hi,
I've been seeing a man I've met on Eharmony now for about 6-7 dates, and either talk on the phone or email each other daily if we don't see each other. The dates have gone nicely, he has been very respectful, we have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. But he continually says that "he always jumped in to relationships too fast" in the past, so this time he wants to take his time and date different woman. At what point do I say....Hey, you need to make a choice here. I don't want to be part of something like the Bachelor show, where he gets to date how many woman and then after 2-3 months, he chooses who he wants. How long should I let something like this go on? He keeps telling me that he really likes me, can see great potential between us, but then goes out with other women on the nights I don't see him. In the past, I've usually dated one person at a time to see if we "click" and then if we don't, then I see someone else, one at a time. What do you people think out there in dating cyberspace? And no, we have not had sex, just kissed and held hands on our dates so far.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  August 11,2009, 2:58pm
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This could be okay. It does seem to be normal and common to meet multiple people until deciding to be exclusive with one. You should do the same – that is the best way to manage it.
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  August 11,2009, 3:05pm
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And why aren't you dating other people too while he is dating others?

You should go at least 8 dates before beginning any relationship talk... that way, you can see if you get along with and have fun with the other person without that pressure.
 
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Ron is offline Ron Post #4  August 11,2009, 3:32pm
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Be patient and take your time here. Continue dating, and try to concentrate on having fun versus calculating whether the two of you are "perfect" for one another. If the two of you really do have potential, your relationship will continue to grow.

In another month or so, assuming things continue to go well, inquire if he has given any thought to the possibility of being exclusive. This approach is better than issuing an ultimatum, which in this case would almost certainly backfire.

In the meantime, keep your mind and your options open by dating a few other men.

Good luck!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  August 11,2009, 3:38pm
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For me, it would depend on how much I wanted him. He still wants to see other women; until he's ready, you can't change that.

Your own decision whether or not to see other men is a separate issue. You do what's comfortable for you, same as him.

I would say 2-3 months is enough time for him to decide if he's serious about you or not. If he's not, and you are, then you have to decide to either hang in there, or move on.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  August 11,2009, 10:47pm
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If he were truly interested in you with him playing the field as he has been doing then I think he knows by now whether or not he wants to go to the next level with you. You have given him more than enough time for him to make up his mind. It is time to move on. Good luck
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  August 12,2009, 12:21am
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Mystified101 wrote :
At what point do I say....Hey, you need to make a choice here. I don't want to be part of something like the Bachelor show, where he gets to date how many woman and then after 2-3 months, he chooses who he wants. How long should I let something like this go on?
I'm very similar to you in this regard. In the past I've only dated one person at a time, and I don't see myself changing this plan of action any time soon - too hard and unrewarding from where I see it.

Personally, I would not even let it get to 6-7 dates. That would be at least a month of dating for me and there is a danger of developing emotional attachment (human condition, largely unknown to amphibians ) to someone, who is not on the same wavelength as you. Which is why I make my exclusivity clause known to potential dating partners during the first meeting or two.

In your situation - no time like the present, I'd say, so that you dont expose yourself to more discomfort of knowing that he is seeing other women at the same time. Just let him know about your decision and calmly explain your lack of desire to play bachelorette in his show (that show is one of hte most ridiculous reality shows I've seen). Allow him a day or two to make his decision based on this information. If he still insists on seeing other women, then let him go his way while you go yours.

Dating is supposed to be fun. Feeling uncomfortable and uncertain of your own footing is not fun at all. So why put yourself through this? Find something or someone that helps you have fun instead! Good Luck!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 12,2009, 5:19am
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Maybe he read the book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.

You say that you date one person at a time until you see if you "click". How many dates do you have before you make this decision? If after 6 or 7 dates you have made a decision that you click and want to become exclusive and he is not ready for that level of commitment then you have to decide if you are jumping in too fast, if you want to go at his speed or if you are going to bail out.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  August 12,2009, 5:27am
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Mystified101 wrote :
Hi,
I've been seeing a man I've met on Eharmony now for about 6-7 dates, and either talk on the phone or email each other daily if we don't see each other. The dates have gone nicely, he has been very respectful, we have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. But he continually says that "he always jumped in to relationships too fast" in the past, so this time he wants to take his time and date different woman. At what point do I say....Hey, you need to make a choice here. I don't want to be part of something like the Bachelor show, where he gets to date how many woman and then after 2-3 months, he chooses who he wants. How long should I let something like this go on? He keeps telling me that he really likes me, can see great potential between us, but then goes out with other women on the nights I don't see him. In the past, I've usually dated one person at a time to see if we "click" and then if we don't, then I see someone else, one at a time. What do you people think out there in dating cyberspace? And no, we have not had sex, just kissed and held hands on our dates so far.
i wouldnt say anything at all. and i wouldnt have a problem with what he is doing. i also wouldnt be waiting around for the guy (not saying you are but this is what i would be doing) which means i may not be available if he calls. i would also cut out the daily emails/communications

what do you think of him at this point? youve been on 607 dates.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  August 12,2009, 6:19am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Maybe he read the book How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.
Where do you find all these amazing, very helpful books?
 
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