Like I said, everyone is different, and your situation could be exactly how you're reading it. I wouldn't read a comment like that as "I need sex to be happy." I would read it more at face value, in other words, "Sex is something that makes me happy." I doubt you'll find many guys out there that don't want to have sex. Heck there's few women out there that don't want to have sex but don't let them know I'm on to them .

I suppose I read into your "happiness" statement more along the lines of what's usually included behind such a topic. Typically the discussion is about what makes the both of you happy, correct? Sure, it could be day to day, but the connotation is "what are your hobbies?" And by extension, "are our hobbies compatible?"

The reason I read this as long-term is because of "...the beginning I want to build things over a friendship base..." In other words there's a long-term implied here. Or perhaps more importantly an escalation in your relationship at some point. Escalations involve deeper relationships which involve more long-term thought than he's likely to be doing at this point (again, before you've even met). So he joked about short term stuff (being a simple guy just happy with "food and sex"). This doesn't seem unusual at all to me but in context perhaps I would feel differently.

There's always a connotation of "you" implied in early dating conversations. Even when people are talking about themselves or something else there is an undercurrent of the other person (or at least there's one perceived). In other words if a guy says "man, I don't really like that woman's hair" and it's in any way similar to his date's hair she's going to take it as a personal insult. Likewise if a girl discusses a random guy's bad fashion sense and the guy has anything similar in his wardrobe or is uncomfortable with his fashion (which is most guys to be honest) he's probably not going to be happy.

Here's the thing. Most guys don't need to have sex with you right now. What they do need, however, is knowing sex is a possibility at some point. More importantly they need to know that you are sexually attracted to them and willing to, at some point (even if you break up before hand and never actually do anything) have sex with him. To many guys sex is the ultimate expression of love and acceptance between two people. By indicating you would never be interested in such an expression he'll take it as a rejection of him as a person. I know, it sounds weird.

I know this is a stereotypical example but it's like if a guy told you "I'm never interested in marriage/having kids/whatever" and you want one of those things in the future. It doesn't have to be now, in fact, now is probably a bad time for any of those things. You aren't likely to go on a second date with someone and say "let's get married/have kids." But the fact that there's an implied "never" (and more pointedly "never with you") is a huge turn-off.

Sex is a huge part of a guy's relationship drive. There's other aspects, sure...companionship, romance, stability, family, etc. There are few guys, however, that want a sexless relationship. Any implication that he's never going to have a sex life, or even worse, that he's somehow a bad person because of it is likely to turn him off.

My only concern is that problems with core values, such as at what stage sex is OK (typically during dating vs. after marriage only), having kids, marriage, etc. are typically not solvable problems relating to a misunderstanding over each person's timeline typically are.

Something as simple as saying "I'm interested in you but I'm personally not comfortable with sexual activity early in a relationship" can do wonders to a new relationship. You've accomplished three major things here.

First, you've confirmed that you are, in fact, attracted to him. Just because you're going out with us doesn't mean we know you're attracted to us. For all we know you could think we're an interesting guy as long as we never touch you. Not a good situation to be in.

Secondly you've established that you are open to sexual activity eventually. He's not dating an ice queen, to put it bluntly. This isn't a commitment on your part; your "early" relationship could be six months or a year or more (good luck with that, but it does happen). You are free to take it as slowly or quickly as you want.

Lastly you've taken the pressure off him to push you for sex. What? What the heck does that mean? Guys are often expected to push for sex. Yes, it's true. We're afraid that if we don't we'll be seen as disinterested. Many of us (myself included) have made the mistake of "respecting her boundaries" for too long and then getting friend-zoned. She decides that because I'm not trying to get her in bed every couple seconds that I'm not into her sexually and so they just go into friend mode and that's that. By establishing early on that you don't want his advances until you're ready, and that you won't see his behavior as indicative of disinterest in you, you take a lot of pressure off a guy. Trying to figure out what a woman wants at what time can be a nightmare. It's so much easier when we stop having to guess and you tell us !

Just some things to think about. Again I wish you the best of luck and your forgiveness if I'm totally off. Take care!

Jacquesne