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CandyK CandyK is offline
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With all due respect, I have to wonder if some men who are writing on this site have read the profiles of other men. Quite a number of men on a variety of dating sites are upfront and open about their intentions....they are looking for a wife, a mate, one person with whom to share their future. Many have been married and would like to be married again. To be honest, I have not expressed an interest in a number of men because they publicized their intentions too candidly in their profiles. While I may be interested in finding a mate, I can't say that one date will reveal or not reveal the chemistry I'm looking for to substantiate building a love relationship. I cannot say I am going on any date with the intentions of making that relationship permanent. I do espouse the idea that I will not date someone (past the first "meeting in a mutual location") I would not consider marrying. Perhaps my age has something to do with my views. I believe sex is sacred, that a husband and wife should be committed to each other, and that marriage is God's earthly representation of a Christian's spiritual relationship with God. If a person is not a committed Christian, there is no commitment with God driving the decisions one makes. Your condemnation of Christian ideals does not phase me. I would definitely not consider dating you any more than you would consider dating me. Enough said!
- December 30th, 2007, 02:11 pm
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`Abdul Qadir `Abdul Qadir is offline
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I think the main argument of the original article is valid. Most men do not equate sex with emotional commitment. For those women who do, you'd better wait for the man to commit before you "put out." If he walks out on you because you insist on "no sex before marriage," let him go so you can move on to what is better.

The argument that a good woman has to spread her legs to get a decent man is bogus. There are plenty of men in the world who refuse to have sex before marriage, even if some women walk out on them because of it. Such men are willing to invest the time and money necessary to get to know a woman and marry her before jumping in the sack. If that is the kind of man you want, why settle for less? (Where do you find men like this? Hint: they're friends with other men who think the same way.)

Extra-marital sex is only considered the norm because women have accepted it as the norm. If the vast majority of women refused to have sex outside of marriage, men wouldn't expect sex outside of marriage.
- December 30th, 2007, 04:12 pm
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vagabndsoul vagabndsoul is online now
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vagabndsoul I went insane...with long intervals of horrible sanity

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Amazing. An article written by a female about what a man thinks. I agree with those who said it would have had more impact had a male written it. And the age of the male would have made a huge difference I'm sure. As to the subject matter, apparently all anyone picked up on was the sex issue. So, how about a survey of eharmony members on the sex issue? Not "Should you have sex before or after marriage?", but "Under what circumstances would you choose to have sex?" I am female/49 and have decided to not have sex under casual circumstances. The reasons are too numerous to list here. Suffice it to say I know myself and if there is not a certain amount of emotional involvement on the part of the man, then ultimately I will not get "pleasure" from it. And lest you think I am frigid- not hardly. I enjoy sex(a lot), but have decided it is really going to have to be worth my time. And I don't consider it "putting out". It's a 2-way street. So, I would really like to know how the older man thinks. By the way, I also don't go in for intimate kissing with someone I am not intensly attracted to.
- December 30th, 2007, 05:53 pm
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luckydays51 luckydays51 is offline
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Johnd.34

I am a massage therapist, and I listen to women talk all the time about their sex lives, and I agree that none of them have satisfying sex lives , gee I wonder why that could be? I will tell you what they tell me the reason is. They are married to men who could give a crap less about pleasing them, about foreplay, or any other form of tenderness. I am 57 years old, and have dated a lot of men, and I have always run into the same problem with men. I'm afraid that women just don't understand what happened to that guy who was so passionate, tender, and cared so much about making them happy.
- December 30th, 2007, 06:03 pm
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Mrdownstream Mrdownstream is offline
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OK ladies, here are the basics: First, post several CURRENT photos of yourself. Include a full-body shot and not one of those hand-held camera shots that only capture the neck up. Sound cold? Well, the same advice goes to the guys. The point here is to BE HONEST. We are all attracted to differnt body types - why waste everyone's time?

Second, if you're intested in a guy - send him your five questions. You have no idea how flattering it is for a guy to have a woman initiate communications on eHarmony. This is NOT the time to be shy.

Forget about finding "Mr. Right" on your first date. Relax, you are only going on a date. Nothing more, nothing less. Set your expectations to have a wonderful evening with an interesting person. If a second date is in the cards, well repeat the instructions for date #1. Do NOT start making plans to have him meet your girlfriends or family - this is a huge turnoff and will result in him blowing you off - guaranteed.

Don't procrastinate. If a guy sends you his first questions and you're not interested - please close the match. Why waste his time? There was something about your profile that he found interesting. Yet you wait three or four days before responding? Paleeze.

eHarmony is a wonderful way to meet interesting people. However, it is just a tool that can be used an abused. Be considerate of the other person, and most importantly, be brutally honest, honest and honest.






- December 30th, 2007, 07:18 pm
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mytwocents mytwocents is offline
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mytwocents taking a break from the boards until after Easter.

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JohnD.34: Although I disagree with your points, I agree with your comment, "I don't think God is in the business of being a bedroom snooper, a micro manager of our sex lives". I do believe God is all-knowing. But God also created us with free will. He allows us to do what we chose. But with the choices come consequences. He also created sex and made it the wonderful, pleasurable experience that it can be. He could have made our biological reproduction process far less enjoyable, but He didn't. I believe the God who created man and woman and sex knows how it works best for us. We have the choice to follow His plan or not. The choice and the consequences are ours. Because I believe God to be a loving Creator, I also believe that chosing His plan would lead to a more positive outcome. It has definitely been my experience. The times in my life when I have not been satisfied (this doesn't only mean sexually) have usually been due to my making choices that are contrary to God's plan for my life. The choices were based on my limited understanding of what I wanted and what I immaturely thought was best. God does not have that limited understanding or immaturity. We all do better when we seek His infinite perspective. Just my thoughts.
- December 30th, 2007, 08:53 pm
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roundnosepete roundnosepete is offline
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Hmm. I like what LisafromOhio had to say. Why do women write articles about men. To me the idea is as absurd as a man writing about women. Still single in my late 30s, I have dated many women. In fact I am sometimes embarassed by how many. However the knowledge gained from those relationships and from having 4 sisters has yielded 0, thats right ZERO insight into women. If anything I learn more about myself with all these encounters than I do about the opposite sex. I am finally ready for a serious long lasting committed relationship and have no idea how to go about it. Sure I can pick up women, maybe even have sex with some, but I want the real thing.

I think everyone is a little correct in their individual interpretations of the article. But that knowledge doesn't get any of us any closer to finding true love. With a PDA,cell phone, laptop and all the other products of a highly technologically advanced society at my fingertips, finding love is no easier that scaling Everest was for Ed Hilary.

Knowledge isn't the key. Understanding isn't the key.
Sorry, but I am no locksmith.
- December 31st, 2007, 02:30 am
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MW77009 MW77009 is offline
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I do not think that the article is asking women to behave like men.
That is impossible. It is inviting them to enjoy their life. It is also not saying that men are not interested in marriage and just want sex. I think for most guys, we just approach things differently. On a first few dates, I am just interested in getting to know someone. I think that is typical and I think that is what the article is saying. Love, sex, steady relationship, life partner, spouse etc will flow naturally from getting to know and like somebody really really well. Personally, I am not looking to get married or be in a long term relationship next week, next month, or perhaps even next year. If it happens, it happens. If not, I will just keep doing what I do and having fun doing it. That does not mean, however that I would not like to eventually settle down with someone. I have done that before and I really liked it.
- December 31st, 2007, 11:35 am
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MW77009 MW77009 is offline
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I am splitting this response up to make it more readable so consider this part two of my little tract. I do not think all men are sex focused and see it as soley a recreational sport. I sure don't and nor do my closest male friends with whom I have had similar discussions. For me, it is not a religious thing but is based on past experience. I have had flings and they were eminently forgettable because it was with a stranger. The best was always with someone I really dug, on multiple levels. For me, sex is a very personal, pleasurable, and beautiful expression of a relationship and the feelings two people have for each other. In this way its much more meaningful, intense and yes fun. Happy New Year to all.

- December 31st, 2007, 11:38 am
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John43 John43 is offline
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I think it is funny that someone thinks that they have one gender all figured out. You can't say you know what men want any more than we know what women want. Everyone is not looking for the same things and through out a persons life they change what they want several times. Myself for example. Went from never wanting to get married to getting married. Now that my wife is gone I want to take some time away from a serious relationship to figure out what I want. Sex is a part of life which I enjoy and I want the no strings type. But this dont mean I want a series of one nighters. We all have to live our lifes as we want to live it. The article says be yourself. This means let someone see who you are not who you think they want to see.
- December 31st, 2007, 10:27 pm
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