Inside the Mind of the Single Guy

Inside the Mind of the Single Guy

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Inside the Mind of the Single Guy


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swish is offline swish Post #41  December 28,2007, 12:18pm
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Well it seems we have run the gamet here with all kinds of response and a little arguing and defending of positions. I am of the belief why buy the whole pig just for a little sausage. Marriage is not all it has cracked up to be, it;s like a jekyl and hyde syndrome, you never knows who's walking thru your door, the person you married all of a sudden becomes someone else. As far as the sexually discussion goes to each his own, I am a older women and if I feel like it I will and if I don't I won't. It's not something I make a habit of doing, but the option is there if I decide to take it. There seems to be alot of disagreeing among others here, what about freedom of speech, and a right to your own opinion? Everybody has there own opinion about everything and anything, relax all and just enjoy the different viewpoints.
 
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JohnD.34 is offline JohnD.34 Post #42  December 28,2007, 2:33pm
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You are right addyseas. Most women, at least most women I date, are not actively seeking to get married. Good! This makes two of us. I also agree that a dinner date does not come with any built in assumptions about sex. As to how long one should date, without enjoying each other sexually: no hard and fast rule exists. Personally, I would stop dating any woman who categorically stated: "No sex till marriage" or till you "commit to me exclusively". Way too many women at e harmony assume that their somewhat dated ideas about sex and virtue are universally held by all women. They are wrong. Many good, intelligent, decent, fine, successful, independent, creative, witty women enjoy sex and don't see anything wrong with simply enjoying sex for itself and not some means to a greater end like marriage or sacred bonding or...
 
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JohnD.34 is offline JohnD.34 Post #43  December 28,2007, 2:46pm
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"Sex for me is an earth shaking passionate physical expression of the love, I feel for my guy. It is not just "pleasure', it is an expression of "me"."

You have read too many Harlequin Romance Novels. Love and lust often travel on separate tracks never to meet. I have had sex with women I hardly knew more than a few hours; I have had sex with best friends(yes friendship with a few added benefits--worked well for both of us--btw it was initiated by her and not me);I have had sex with a woman I felt I was in love with: I can't honestly say that in any of these situations the outcome felt much different. They were all quite pleasurable experiences and I hope that my partners all felt equally pleasured. Again, I think a number of women here have bought into fixctional stories about sex or some religiously sanctioned ideas about sex that have little or no relationship to what really happens when a man and woman engage in sexual activity. It is a way to mutually pleasure your partner. And what could possibly be wrong with wanting to pleasure your partner?
 
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mytwocents is offline mytwocents Post #44  December 28,2007, 4:28pm
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Good comments, Sarah. Other pleasures take place outside the body. But sexual intercourse is an intimacy that happens with two bodies uniting inside. Maybe guys don't get that because they don't realize how intrusive having someone inside you really is. As women, we have to be completely open at that point, completely vulnerable, so it's no wonder that our hearts are involved. Rather we consider it "sacred" or not, it is something that every "Tom, Dick, and Harry" should not have access to. We need to respect ourselves, or no one else will. I'm not against sex. I think it is a fabulous invention by our Master Creator. It should not be used as a "weapon", a "tool", or a "bargaining chip for marriage". Sex is exciting, wonderful, passionate, and pleasurable---within the right context. I look forward to enjoying it within the safe boundaries of the intimate relationship for which God created it. If I remember correctly, recent studies are actually revealing that people in committed, monogamous relationships are enjoying sex more and are finding it more fulfilling than those engaging in casual sexual encounters.
 
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JohnD.34 is offline JohnD.34 Post #45  December 28,2007, 5:28pm
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Mytwocents, sexual intercourse is but one small part of what it means to engage in sexual activity. BTW if you view sexual intercourse as a kind of intrusive act done to you, I suspect sex, at least sexual intercourse will not be much fun for you. I would also, respectively, like you to remember that you should be careful when using the "we" word. If you are implying by the use of the "we" word that you speak for how all women feel about sexual intercourse you are clearly over stepping what you can possibly know. So it is not a question of "we" must respect "ourselves" but rather that you and women who think like you must "save it" for reasons of your own. But don't presume that your understanding of sex as something intrusive or something that brings in its wake disrespect is how all women think. I guess I would also, respectfully, ask you if you think you are qualified to speak for God and why God created sex. What if I state I think God created sex because it is good and pleasurable and that God expects us to enjoy it and to do so often and without any guilt? I could be wrong, but then so too might you be wrong about God. All of us should be very, very careful about using God to reinforce our own values and likes. As to studies about how much monagamous couples are enjoying sex: the rising rate of adultery in marriages and divorce rates suggest otherwise.
 
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windingroad is offline windingroad Post #46  December 29,2007, 1:37am
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I am only a man that still believes in God's word. If He does not want us to have sex outside of marraige, I believe there is a reason. I have been on eHarmony for almost 3 years and dated two wonderful women. They both thought that in order to express their feelings to me that sex was what had to happen. I unfortunately let it. The problem is that sex does not allow us to make good choices and prolongs relationships that would have never went further in the first place. Sex is an absolutely wonderful part of life God designed for us, but outside of marraige it is very hurtful. God has given us plenty of instructions on how to live and the reason is because we have a hard time figuring them out by ourselves. I believe at this point in my life being 47 and having had it all that you give me all the choices of life and I will take a committed marraige to one woman who is my best friend over the single player life any day. This man is not confused and not all men think you have to have sex before marraige. As adults we should be able to communicate on a level to figure out what works and what does not work. I am going to trust God that the woman He has set in front of me will appreciate the fact that with a commitment to God's will for your life, He will give you the desires of your heart. A healthy marraige and sex life within it are the desires of this man's heart.
 
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JohnD.34 is offline JohnD.34 Post #47  December 29,2007, 1:35pm
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I don't think God is in the business of being a bedroom snooper, a micro manager of our sex lives or in any way interested in match making. At least I have not seen one shred of evidence that such is the case. What we see in posts like the one above is the projection of one's own feelings about sex and love and marriage onto God. It somehow makes it seem more lofty to be able to say God doesn't believe in sex before the state grants a license for it than to simply say I don't believe in sex before the state grants a license for it.
 
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ebnh4 is offline ebnh4 Post #48  December 29,2007, 9:32pm
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JohnD34, I am glad that you have it all figured out, and that your life is working for you. And now... how about a little more respect for those who have a different reality than the one you know? Just because you have never experienced sexual pleasure that is earth-shaking or spiritual does not mean that others havent. It's sort of like having an orgasm... you can never quite know what it's like until you do have one. Perhaps it is the absence of that more profound experience that defines (and in my mind limits) your expectations and behavior? Please understand that I do not criticize the choices you make... I only criticize your assumption that everyone experiences the pleasure of sexuality the same way you do. Surely, there is a very fun and pleasureable world of sexuality out there, and just as surely, there is another level that is far superior...
 
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dearabby is offline dearabby Post #49  December 30,2007, 10:33am
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Addyseas has summed it up for a lot of us 'older' women. I'm financially and emotionally stable, and don't need a man to take care of me. But I do want a man in my life. I would like to get married again some day, but if I don't find the perfect man for me, then I'm okay being on my own. I'm not out to 'snag' a man. I'm just dating several until I find the one I can't live without. And I think there are a lot of us out there doing the same thing. It's not a man thing...it's not a woman thing. It just is.
As for the sex thing, I agree men and women may be on different emotional levels, and even within genders everyone has their own comfort level when it comes to sex, but I, for one, want to know fairly early on in the relationship if we're compatible. Sex is pleasurable, and I'm glad that it's finally okay for women to actually voice that pleasure. And that doesn't make me a "hoochie mama".
So...not only are men and women very different, but even within genders we have very different views. The sooner we accept that, the easier this dating stuff gets.
 
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JohnD.34 is offline JohnD.34 Post #50  December 30,2007, 11:06am
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EBNH4 for someone who is asking that I respect those who see sex as a mystical experience I notice that you use many value laden words to describe my understanding of sex. You can hardly have it both ways. You cannot on the one hand speak of your ideas about sex as being "superior" and at the same time tell me to be more "respectful" of those who see it differently. Perhaps you might wish to follow your own counsel first, before telling others that they must accept your division of sex in to merely pleasurable and "superior" sex. In passing I will observe that I work in a predominantly female environment. I spend many hours each day in the company of women, most of whom are married. They are so used to being around me that I have become, in effect, "one of the girls". They openly talk about their married sex lives. Funny thing none of them speak of this mystical, path to God through marital sex. In fact, their experiences are often quite negative. They often feel used, that is their husbands are only interested in their own sexual pleasure and seem to have little or no interest in those of the wives. Worse yet, some of these women, who are quite beautiful and sexually attractive women complain that their husbands never seem to have any interest in them sexually. What a sad waste! If there are married women out there getting this "earth shattering" or spiritual-sexual experience, you know what, there not talking about it. Most of the married women I talk to would very happily accept a sex life built on mutual pleasure. The surest way to ensure an impoverished sex life is to load it with all sorts of religious, spiritual, emotional baggage. Anyway thank you for taking the time to critique my thoughts. I appreciate it. I too enjoy critiquing the thoughts of those who elevate sex to a kind of mystical union with god.
 
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