bad experience...when to start again


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itsabeatutifulday is offline itsabeatutifulday Post #1  August 8,2009, 12:29pm
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Discouraged.....

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Hey all, I am new here and seeking some advice, hoping you all can help. Sorry this is so long, I have been divorced for about 4 years in my 40s and have used online dating off and on with some success.

All the guys I have met until one this past week were pretty normal. Communicated online for about a month and then talked by once by phone. Met him last weekend, he has an off the wall sense of humor, so when he asked if I was from an escort service when I walked up to him at the restaurant where we were meeting, I just laughed it off and chalked it up to a dumb comment. Otherwise, evening went well. He called this early this week and we made plans to go out this weekend. He made several comments about us being a couple and pulling his profile already. I gently explained to him we were not a couple yet and it would be several months before we knew each other well enough to be exclusive.

Didn't hear from him all week, but after his thinking we were a couple after meeting once, I was definitely having second thoughts about seeing him again. At this point wasn't sure if he had issues or just that new to dating after long marriage, he is very newly divorced. Should have gone with gut. Yesterday, I received 10 text messages in 20 minutes (I didn't respond) except one to tell him to stop. He acted like he didn't know what was going on. Finally, I called and told him all his texting was creeping me out and not to please not bother me any more. (I had told him early on I don't like to text) Despite cell carrier block, l received 2 more texts from him, (apparently there is a work around to send texts even if you are blocked) both calling me names and telling me to ____off. Seems like an very extreme reaction after meeting only once. I know know my gut feel was right, but this experience has really shaken me. Question, is it better to take a breather from dating or keeping going as I have been communicating with several other guys. thanks
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  August 8,2009, 12:49pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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Hey all, I am new here and seeking some advice, hoping you all can help. Sorry this is so long, I have been divorced for about 4 years in my 40s and have used online dating off and on with some success.

All the guys I have met until one this past week were pretty normal. Communicated online for about a month and then talked by once by phone. Met him last weekend, he has an off the wall sense of humor, so when he asked if I was from an escort service when I walked up to him at the restaurant where we were meeting, I just laughed it off and chalked it up to a dumb comment. Otherwise, evening went well. He called this early this week and we made plans to go out this weekend. He made several comments about us being a couple and pulling his profile already. I gently explained to him we were not a couple yet and it would be several months before we knew each other well enough to be exclusive.

Didn't hear from him all week, but after his thinking we were a couple after meeting once, I was definitely having second thoughts about seeing him again. At this point wasn't sure if he had issues or just that new to dating after long marriage, he is very newly divorced. Should have gone with gut. Yesterday, I received 10 text messages in 20 minutes (I didn't respond) except one to tell him to stop. He acted like he didn't know what was going on. Finally, I called and told him all his texting was creeping me out and not to please not bother me any more. (I had told him early on I don't like to text) Despite cell carrier block, l received 2 more texts from him, (apparently there is a work around to send texts even if you are blocked) both calling me names and telling me to ____off. Seems like an very extreme reaction after meeting only once. I know know my gut feel was right, but this experience has really shaken me. Question, is it better to take a breather from dating or keeping going as I have been communicating with several other guys. thanks
Wow, he's a real special kind of guy, isn't he?

In all honesty, I think you just managed to get hooked up with a man who is slightly more than completely out of touch with reality, and who has the potential to be more than just a little off the wall. Most men are not like this, I am happy to say.

I know you are feeling shaken from this experience, and I would be feeling the same way, as well. However, I don't think it would be wise to put any other potential meetings on hold, because they won't all be like this guy was.

You must do what makes you most comfortable. Rest assured, though, that this man is not indicative of most of the men online.

I wish you all the best!
Last edited by brneyedangel; August 8,2009 at 12:52pm. Reason: stupid grammar...mumble grumble mumble
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #3  August 8,2009, 12:51pm
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can't win for losing.

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If your results have been mostly positive, why let one bad apple ruin your dating activities? That would be letting the bad guys win!
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #4  August 8,2009, 1:04pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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There is no reason to have your life interrupted just because you've had a bad experience with someone who doesn't know how to take "no" for an answer. However, I would suggest that you keep a record of these text messages and when he contacts you in case you have further problems and need to take some kind of legal action. And if you met him on eH, I would definately report what is going on to them so that other ppotential matches won't have the same thing happen to them. It's reports like these that make dating so scary. Oh, that completely freaks me out.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  August 8,2009, 1:05pm
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brneyedangel wrote :
slightly more than completely

More than infinity, too.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #6  August 8,2009, 1:09pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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D_Lion wrote :
More than infinity, too.
Infinity to the millionth, even.
 
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cwhite1028 is offline cwhite1028 Post #7  August 8,2009, 1:12pm
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7 more hours till Vacation.....

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I just cannot believe how he acted, some people in this world are truly out of touch with it. I am sorry for your experience hopefully, you will not give up. Good luck with your search.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 8,2009, 6:19pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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If your results have been mostly positive, why let one bad apple ruin your dating activities? That would be letting the bad guys win!
That is a pretty good way to put it.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  August 8,2009, 6:24pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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There is no reason to have your life interrupted just because you've had a bad experience with someone who doesn't know how to take "no" for an answer. However, I would suggest that you keep a record of these text messages and when he contacts you in case you have further problems and need to take some kind of legal action. And if you met him on eH, I would definately report what is going on to them so that other ppotential matches won't have the same thing happen to them. It's reports like these that make dating so scary. Oh, that completely freaks me out.
Yes.

I am inferring, possibly incorrectly, that you feel that this type of person / behavior is limited to people met through online dating sites
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #10  August 8,2009, 7:13pm
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is keeping warm with her Honey.

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Agree, agree.

If he is from an online dating site, I would report him. You could be helping someone else avoid the same problem.

Keep detailed notes on what he is doing and report him to the police if it continues or escalates. This is more than your usual "You can't dump me!" kind of ticked off venting. This is way beyond normal.

One thing I learned from being with someone controlling is that they can still control you if you make decisions based on them in any way. He's still got a hold on you if you stop dating because of his behavior. Honestly, this guy is one in a million, and I think you should keep dating so you can see that most guy are much closer to normal.
 
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