When is it professionally ok and not ok to date a girl?


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Leafsg is offline Leafsg Post #1  August 7,2009, 6:07pm
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Hello everyone.

I am 28 year old, and have been single for 9 years. I know i have posted before, but there is one thing i am curious about.

When and where is it not ok to ask a girl out? Last time i checked, the only thing i can think of is at work because for some reason, girls won't date guy who work at the same place. I don't understand why. To me, work is the best place to meet girls because, as i am feeling very desperate and needy for a girlfriend, it's the best place to get to know a girl. I mean, there are lunch breaks, or regular breaks. Ladies, what's stopping you from dating a man who works at the same place you work at?

Also, do girls reject guys who ask them out when the guy who wants to date her used to work with her?

I ask that cause there was a girl who i used to work with, and after getting to know her at lunch time for 30 minutes 5 days a week for a few months. Everyone at work was bugging me to ask her out, and at the time, i was not interested in her, but after the first few months i started to become attracted to her, but she got a boyfriend before i could develop any strong feelings for her. Now this was 2 years ago, and i had gotten fired from that place for punching someone in the head and have not had a job since. Now here, 2 years later, after talkign to this girl on and off, i had been waiting for her to break up with him so that i could ask her out, and she did, but her Cell phone was down for 2 months and she got another boyfriend. Tell me, in this situation, how do i get this girl as my next girlfriend?

I am not willing to take no for an answer like i have had to for 9 years from other girls, and I really want to beat her new boyfriend up as his punishment for dating her (i know i need to see a shrink about that part.) I knwo that last part sounds scary, and for that i apologize, but i am sick of girls who i want to date not feeling the same attracted towards me.

Oh, and a couple of more things:

1. What other professional situations would a girl not wanna date a guy, like is it because she is his next door neighbour for example. I am curious cause i want to know so that i don't get so heartbroken.

2. If you guys can offer me some advice about getting a girlfriend in my previous topic, that would help me out a lot. Thanks.

(I need help with finding a girlfriend.)http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/27086-i-need-help-finding-girlfriend.html#post674548

Thank you.
 
 
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  August 7,2009, 6:09pm
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Leafsg wrote :
for some reason, girls won't date guy who work at the same place.

You're not in management. If you were, these "girls" would date you.
 
 
brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #3  August 7,2009, 6:12pm
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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D_Lion wrote :
You're not in management. If you were, these "girls" would date you.
Not necessarily...
 
 
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #4  August 7,2009, 6:45pm
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What's stopping me from dating a guy I work with? I value my job, that's what.

Employers don't like employees dating for several reasons: (1) it affects productivity... you're distracted by each other instead of working. (2) it can open the employer to sexual harassment charges, especially if there is a direct report relationship between the two coworkers. (3) when you break up it affects productivity again... and often to the point where it's so bad that at least one of you has to quit.

I have to point this out: At 28 you are old enough to stop calling your female coworkers "girls." They are women and you had better be professional enough on the job to treat them as women rather than "girls."

Personally, I would never date someone who got fired from their last job for punching someone in the head! Not willing to take "no" for an answer? Wanting to beat up her boyfriend?!?!? I think you have a LOT of personal issues to clean up before you worry about dating coworkers! Obsessive, controlling, violent guys are NOT attractive to date. Period.
 
 
happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #5  August 7,2009, 7:11pm
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Leafsg wrote :
Hello everyone.

When and where is it not ok to ask a girl out?

Also, do girls reject guys who ask them out when the guy who wants to date her used to work with her?

Now this was 2 years ago, and i had gotten fired from that place for punching someone in the head and have not had a job since. Now here, 2 years later, after talkign to this girl on and off, i had been waiting for her to break up with him so that i could ask her out, and she did, but her Cell phone was down for 2 months and she got another boyfriend. Tell me, in this situation, how do i get this girl as my next girlfriend?

I am not willing to take no for an answer like i have had to for 9 years from other girls, and I really want to beat her new boyfriend up as his punishment for dating her (i know i need to see a shrink about that part.) I knwo that last part sounds scary, and for that i apologize, but i am sick of girls who i want to date not feeling the same attracted towards me.

Oh, and a couple of more things:

1. What other professional situations would a girl not wanna date a guy, like is it because she is his next door neighbour for example. I am curious cause i want to know so that i don't get so heartbroken.

2. If you guys can offer me some advice about getting a girlfriend in my previous topic, that would help me out a lot. Thanks.
If someone is not interested or unavailable because they are in a relationship, then it's probably best you accept the situation and leave it at that.

I don't think people reject others based on their previous work history, rejection is most likely to be based on their assessment of you as a person, whether you have the quality that interest them. In your case you mentioned about your violent past behavior and tendency to use violence for achieving what you want, this is definitely a "NO" in most people's books. So get some help to see if you can deal with frustration differently.

Maybe you can drug her or bash up her boyfriend so he'll back of, but you'll never win her heart until you change yourself to be a better person. 9 years without a girlfriend, unless by choice, if you were actively looking and consistently failing, then look at yourself and examine what's in you that could be leading to such result.

I know many couples from same work place who got married and/or having a happy romantic relationship, so work place is not a huge barrier. It is the people involved, such as yourself and the person you want to date, that can make a relationship work/fail.

It takes two to tango, just because you want someone, doesn't make them all available to you. But whatever highlighted in red, i would be working on those issues first...
 
 
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  August 7,2009, 7:14pm
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You don't sound very professional to me... maybe I'm just misreading your post, of course.

Good Luck!
 
 
Leafsg is offline Leafsg Post #7  August 7,2009, 7:45pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
What's stopping me from dating a guy I work with? I value my job, that's what.

Employers don't like employees dating for several reasons: (1) it affects productivity... you're distracted by each other instead of working. (2) it can open the employer to sexual harassment charges, especially if there is a direct report relationship between the two coworkers. (3) when you break up it affects productivity again... and often to the point where it's so bad that at least one of you has to quit.

I have to point this out: At 28 you are old enough to stop calling your female coworkers "girls." They are women and you had better be professional enough on the job to treat them as women rather than "girls."

Personally, I would never date someone who got fired from their last job for punching someone in the head! Not willing to take "no" for an answer? Wanting to beat up her boyfriend?!?!? I think you have a LOT of personal issues to clean up before you worry about dating coworkers! Obsessive, controlling, violent guys are NOT attractive to date. Period.

I am not a controlling kind of person. I am just sick of being crapped on when i meet a woman who i am comfortable around and who i am comfortable saying certain stuff about me to that i would normally tell other women because of fear of those women being crepped out or turned off by me.
 
 
Leafsg is offline Leafsg Post #8  August 7,2009, 7:46pm
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
You don't sound very professional to me... maybe I'm just misreading your post, of course.

Good Luck!
Hey thanks for the advice in my last post, but i really don't know what you are talking about here.
 
 
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  August 7,2009, 7:51pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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Leafsg wrote :
Hey thanks for the advice in my last post, but i really don't know what you are talking about here.
No offense, but you kind of keep asking the same questions...
 
 
CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #10  August 7,2009, 8:02pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Dating in the workplace is bad because:
1. If the relationship goes sour, it can make working together uncomfortable

2. If one of you were to get promoted, one could possibly have to supervise the other. That may create problems with communication and frustration....blaming one partner from making a business decision professional.

3. It opens you up legally to lawsuits, and I don't mean just between boss and employee. Where I worked a boss and one of his employees began an affair. It got around (reason #4 embedded) and when another employee felt that she had been mistreated, she sued the couple for having an inappropriate relationship that made her working environment uncomfortable. And she won! True story.

4. Co-worker relationships can lead to gossip. Gossip can be distracting. One woman confided in another that her boyfriend had an implant. The person she told didn't keep it to herself, and each place he went there was snickering. Plus, workers spent so much time gossiping, that work wasn't getting done. Plus, gossip to can lead to lawsuits....slander.

It's not appropriate to to have a relationship at work if you work in a theraputic or setting. That can be really disruptive.
 
 
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