Why women are the ones to leave...


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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #1  August 7,2009, 4:44pm

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Another thread got me thinking about why women tend to be the ones to end relationships or initiate divorces.

My feeling is that women are the ones that end it because men are deaf to pleas of working on their relationship until the woman is just done.

I have seen this time and time again with failed relationships. Obviously, not all but I would say more tend to play out this way.

It takes the woman being emotionally done for the man to finally want to work on the relationship. The rub is the woman has already left the relationship. Maybe not physically but emotionally. She just doesn't want to try anymore. It takes a woman getting to that point for the man to all of sudden want to "work" on the relationship.

Why do you think that is? Do you think that is true? Have you experienced this yourself?
 
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rocchio is offline rocchio Post #2  August 7,2009, 5:12pm
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Lizzie, I think you are, for the most part, correct. From my personal experience, some of the relationships in which the woman broke-up with me are ones that I just didn't care anymore; I was fine with the status quo, if you will. I think men are relationship lazy. After a break-up, we have to go through a bunch of crap just to secure a relationship again and have sex; it's often times easier if we can just hang in there for a bit. In short, in many cases, it was the guy who ended the relationship, he's just seeing how long she will hang in there. It's kind of like putting off that big painting project or cleaning the garage--let's just wait until the spring.
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  August 7,2009, 5:20pm
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Supply and demand.

Women get lots of approaches by men. Thus, they find little reason to keep a deficient partner.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  August 7,2009, 5:24pm
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It's all about estrogen, Lizzie.
Women get more estrogen supply in their brain as they get older. The more estrogen they get, the more clearly they see the real truth about their male partners. When the real truth is what they want and need to see, they stay. Otherwise, they leave and find a good guy. It's that simple for me.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #5  August 7,2009, 5:39pm

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D_Lion wrote :
Supply and demand.

Women get lots of approaches by men. Thus, they find little reason to keep a deficient partner.
No - I don't think that is it at all. I am talking about when a woman tries and tries to make a relationship work. She finally gives up and that is when the man wants to work on it. But by then it is too late. Granted, I think sometimes she may have already moved on to having feelings for another man but I do believe she tried beforehand but the man refused to listen or hear her.

Like when a man says his ex did not even want to do marriage-counseling, I wonder if it was one of these types of situations. She wanted to do counseling - unfortunately, he wanted to do it too late.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #6  August 7,2009, 5:52pm
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It could be that a man's mind and emotions are less prone to change than that of a woman's. Maybe men settle down more than is given credit.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #7  August 7,2009, 5:56pm

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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
It could be that a man's mind and emotions are less prone to change than that of a woman's. Maybe men settle down more than is given credit.
Yeah, I think there is a lot of truth to that.

It has just always struck me strange and sad. It takes a woman giving up for the man to try and by then, it is too late.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  August 7,2009, 6:01pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
No

Yes.
YES.
Oh God, Yes!
 
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redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #9  August 7,2009, 6:02pm
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Thank you Lizzie for starting this topic.

Although it is not always the reason I've heard that women end relationships, I have heard this same situation over and over, just the way you've explained it here.

To be honest, I've never heard a woman say that she left a good marriage because her SO was just not the right one for her.

I can see a woman saying this as a quick response to someone she doesn't know well to move away from the topic, but there are reasons that the SO is not the right one and those reasons could be anything from a cheating spouse to the fact that they couldn't communicate with each other.

The marriages are not necessarily good marriages, but appear to an outsider to be a good marriage.

Most of the women I know work very hard to keep their marriages intact and only leave after giving it everything they've got.
 
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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #10  August 7,2009, 6:18pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
My feeling is that women are the ones that end it because men are deaf to pleas of working on their relationship until the woman is just done.

It takes the woman being emotionally done for the man to finally want to work on the relationship. The rub is the woman has already left the relationship. Maybe not physically but emotionally. She just doesn't want to try anymore. It takes a woman getting to that point for the man to all of sudden want to "work" on the relationship.

Why do you think that is? Do you think that is true? Have you experienced this yourself?
I don't think it is universal, but the scenario you described would be very common. If you read Mars/Venus books, it talks about how men & women communicate and deal with things differently.

You mentioned about pleas fallen on deaf ears, she thinks she made it clear what she wanted, in her style of communication. However what she showed/said (as result of her way of communication) may be completely misinterrepted according to his way of receiving messages (according to ways of communication that is familiar to him).

Unless recognised and actively worked on, I think this difference in communication style would increase the gap between the couple until such time it is too late.

So without generalising the reason for all relationship failures, I think the difference between men/women in ways of communication can contribute to a large portion of the problems if not recognised.
 
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