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NeedAnswers NeedAnswers is offline
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This is a continuation of a question I had a week or so ago - I went out twice with a guy a couple weeks ago and we really hit it off - best first date I've ever had. However, it's now been three weeks since we've gone out. We've exchanged very brief text messages and emails about meeting again, but he's either been busy at work (he's a doctor) or I've been out of town. Every time though he's always been like "well, let's do it next week" or "how's next week look for you?"

We'd had tentative plans this weekend but in the back of my mind I kind of figured he'd cancel, partly because I suspect that his interest level is waning and partly cause I know he's going out of town the next day and probably has to work. Sure enough, he texted and cancelled, saying he had to finish up work stuff until late because of his trip. And again, he said "can we reschedule for next week?"

I'm still kind of writing this guy off for all the reasons I mentioned above, but I'm just wondering for all the guys out there, why does he keep asking if we can reschedule? If he's truly not interested, why even bother? Am I missing something here?

Would it be ok if I just responded and said "hey, thanks for the offer to reschedule, but it's been 3 weeks since I've seen you and I get the sense that you're just not that interested. I'd still like to be friends, please let me know if I'm misinterpreting." or does that sound too psycho-girl?

Thanks in advance for your help
Last edited by NeedAnswers; August 7th, 2009 at 01:47 pm.
- August 7th, 2009, 01:40 pm
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gothustartus gothustartus is offline
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That sounds fine to me, if he can't be bothered to make the time to keep the dates then he can't really complain.

Ok, before people argue that he's busy, well so what? If he's that busy he should either say sorry and agree to leave it until he's not busy, or he could try cancelling one of the other things for a change. Cancelling her that many times on the trot just screams not important.
- August 7th, 2009, 01:50 pm
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xeonshock xeonshock is offline
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If he can't make even a little bit of time for you, then why bother?
- August 7th, 2009, 01:58 pm
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tirhod tirhod is offline
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gothustartus wrote :
Ok, before people argue that he's busy, well so what? If he's that busy he should either say sorry and agree to leave it until he's not busy, or he could try cancelling one of the other things for a change. Cancelling her that many times on the trot just screams not important.
I mostly agree with gothustartus here. But, you shoud confront this directly with him. Unfortunately, if he is a doctor, then he very well might have obligations that keep preventing him from going on dates (I am an RN and this is a regular complaint I here from doctors). In that case, realize that a LTR with him will always be like this and decide whether that is the kind of relationship you want.
- August 7th, 2009, 02:04 pm
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cwhite1028 cwhite1028 is offline
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gothustartus wrote :
That sounds fine to me, if he can't be bothered to make the time to keep the dates then he can't really complain.

Ok, before people argue that he's busy, well so what? If he's that busy he should either say sorry and agree to leave it until he's not busy, or he could try cancelling one of the other things for a change. Cancelling her that many times on the trot just screams not important.
Okay im with you Gothustartus, but to give him the benifit of the doubt lets say he is busy. At least he takes the time to text or call saying he is sorry and cant make it. I suppose being straight up and saying next time we make plans lets make sure we can both make it. Otherwise if something comes of this relationship you will always be makeing plans and cancelling them and it will become the norm. Which is horrible....

Why does Goth always beat me to these threads and say what I want to say first!!!!
- August 7th, 2009, 02:10 pm
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fool4love628 fool4love628 is offline
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I agree that at least he calls and lets you know he's going to have to cancel. That's at least a sign that he's not blowing you off. And as mentioned before, he's a DOCTOR. If he was a poet or something, I could understand the "I can't make it, something has come up" being unworthy of sympathy, but he's dealing with who knows what and how life-threatening (or maybe not) it might be. I say give him the benefit of the doubt and keep searching. If things work out, great, if not, you haven't lost time waiting.
- August 7th, 2009, 02:15 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Oh, heaven forbid that we should know how old the people we are dealing with are. It really could make a difference.

However, your message would be fine. It is to the point and if he can't see that there is a problem with what short relationship you have had then he probably is not a very good doctor.

Also as has been mentioned if he is a doctor who has been practicing for any length of time and he is this way then this would be the life you should expect if you developed a LTR. If he is a doctor still in school or just out of school then the schedule situation could get better later. Though I would not bet on it.
- August 7th, 2009, 02:17 pm
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Thanks for all your responses. @Gr8, we are both in our late 20s, so he's in the last part of his residency. And to be clear though, prior to our cancelled date this evening, he'd never actually cancelled plans with me, we just never made them cause he was always busy (and/or I was out of town.) My concern is also that I've texted/emailed him the last couple times and not the other way around, but again, why respond and make plans at all if you have no intention of keeping them?
- August 7th, 2009, 02:31 pm
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Perhaps he is keeping you on reserve while he is dating someone else? Maybe you are the fallback girl in case girl #1 doesn't pan out? I have dated a guy who was doing his residency. Yes, he was very busy but he always found a little time to get together....
- August 7th, 2009, 02:45 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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NeedAnswers wrote :
Thanks for all your responses. @Gr8, we are both in our late 20s, so he's in the last part of his residency. And to be clear though, prior to our cancelled date this evening, he'd never actually cancelled plans with me, we just never made them cause he was always busy (and/or I was out of town.) My concern is also that I've texted/emailed him the last couple times and not the other way around, but again, why respond and make plans at all if you have no intention of keeping them?
OK, now that I know he is finishing up his residency I have a feel for his schedule which he really does not have control over. A friend is in the same situation. He would start his rounds at around 5:00 AM and finish his day at maybe 9:00 PM and this would go on for several weeks at a time 7 days a week. In my friends case I doubt very much that once he is out of school and in his own practice that he will be interested in keeping such hours. However many doctors have a singular focus throughout life and that is to make as much money as possible.
- August 7th, 2009, 02:48 pm
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