Advice from the guys: Why does he bother trying to reschedule?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
NeedAnswers is offline NeedAnswers Post #1  August 7,2009, 12:40pm
NeedAnswers's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 18

See profile

This is a continuation of a question I had a week or so ago - I went out twice with a guy a couple weeks ago and we really hit it off - best first date I've ever had. However, it's now been three weeks since we've gone out. We've exchanged very brief text messages and emails about meeting again, but he's either been busy at work (he's a doctor) or I've been out of town. Every time though he's always been like "well, let's do it next week" or "how's next week look for you?"

We'd had tentative plans this weekend but in the back of my mind I kind of figured he'd cancel, partly because I suspect that his interest level is waning and partly cause I know he's going out of town the next day and probably has to work. Sure enough, he texted and cancelled, saying he had to finish up work stuff until late because of his trip. And again, he said "can we reschedule for next week?"

I'm still kind of writing this guy off for all the reasons I mentioned above, but I'm just wondering for all the guys out there, why does he keep asking if we can reschedule? If he's truly not interested, why even bother? Am I missing something here?

Would it be ok if I just responded and said "hey, thanks for the offer to reschedule, but it's been 3 weeks since I've seen you and I get the sense that you're just not that interested. I'd still like to be friends, please let me know if I'm misinterpreting." or does that sound too psycho-girl?

Thanks in advance for your help
Last edited by NeedAnswers; August 7,2009 at 12:47pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #2  August 7,2009, 12:50pm
gothustartus's Avatar

is thinking about someone special

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

London, England

Posts: 1,753

See profile

That sounds fine to me, if he can't be bothered to make the time to keep the dates then he can't really complain.

Ok, before people argue that he's busy, well so what? If he's that busy he should either say sorry and agree to leave it until he's not busy, or he could try cancelling one of the other things for a change. Cancelling her that many times on the trot just screams not important.
 
  Reply With Quote
xeonshock is offline xeonshock Post #3  August 7,2009, 12:58pm
xeonshock's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 13

See profile

If he can't make even a little bit of time for you, then why bother?
 
  Reply With Quote
tirhod is offline tirhod Post #4  August 7,2009, 1:04pm
tirhod's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Indiana

Posts: 33

See profile

gothustartus wrote :
Ok, before people argue that he's busy, well so what? If he's that busy he should either say sorry and agree to leave it until he's not busy, or he could try cancelling one of the other things for a change. Cancelling her that many times on the trot just screams not important.
I mostly agree with gothustartus here. But, you shoud confront this directly with him. Unfortunately, if he is a doctor, then he very well might have obligations that keep preventing him from going on dates (I am an RN and this is a regular complaint I here from doctors). In that case, realize that a LTR with him will always be like this and decide whether that is the kind of relationship you want.
 
  Reply With Quote
cwhite1028 is offline cwhite1028 Post #5  August 7,2009, 1:10pm
cwhite1028's Avatar

7 more hours till Vacation.....

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Atlanta, GA

Posts: 171

See profile

gothustartus wrote :
That sounds fine to me, if he can't be bothered to make the time to keep the dates then he can't really complain.

Ok, before people argue that he's busy, well so what? If he's that busy he should either say sorry and agree to leave it until he's not busy, or he could try cancelling one of the other things for a change. Cancelling her that many times on the trot just screams not important.
Okay im with you Gothustartus, but to give him the benifit of the doubt lets say he is busy. At least he takes the time to text or call saying he is sorry and cant make it. I suppose being straight up and saying next time we make plans lets make sure we can both make it. Otherwise if something comes of this relationship you will always be makeing plans and cancelling them and it will become the norm. Which is horrible....

Why does Goth always beat me to these threads and say what I want to say first!!!!
 
  Reply With Quote
fool4love628 is offline fool4love628 Post #6  August 7,2009, 1:15pm
fool4love628's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Tucson

Posts: 36

See profile

I agree that at least he calls and lets you know he's going to have to cancel. That's at least a sign that he's not blowing you off. And as mentioned before, he's a DOCTOR. If he was a poet or something, I could understand the "I can't make it, something has come up" being unworthy of sympathy, but he's dealing with who knows what and how life-threatening (or maybe not) it might be. I say give him the benefit of the doubt and keep searching. If things work out, great, if not, you haven't lost time waiting.
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 7,2009, 1:17pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

Oh, heaven forbid that we should know how old the people we are dealing with are. It really could make a difference.

However, your message would be fine. It is to the point and if he can't see that there is a problem with what short relationship you have had then he probably is not a very good doctor.

Also as has been mentioned if he is a doctor who has been practicing for any length of time and he is this way then this would be the life you should expect if you developed a LTR. If he is a doctor still in school or just out of school then the schedule situation could get better later. Though I would not bet on it.
 
  Reply With Quote
NeedAnswers is offline NeedAnswers Post #8  August 7,2009, 1:31pm
NeedAnswers's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 18

See profile

Thanks for all your responses. @Gr8, we are both in our late 20s, so he's in the last part of his residency. And to be clear though, prior to our cancelled date this evening, he'd never actually cancelled plans with me, we just never made them cause he was always busy (and/or I was out of town.) My concern is also that I've texted/emailed him the last couple times and not the other way around, but again, why respond and make plans at all if you have no intention of keeping them?
 
  Reply With Quote
Doodler is offline Doodler Post #9  August 7,2009, 1:45pm
Doodler's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Dec 2007

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Posts: 153

See profile

Perhaps he is keeping you on reserve while he is dating someone else? Maybe you are the fallback girl in case girl #1 doesn't pan out? I have dated a guy who was doing his residency. Yes, he was very busy but he always found a little time to get together....
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  August 7,2009, 1:48pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 18,865

See profile

NeedAnswers wrote :
Thanks for all your responses. @Gr8, we are both in our late 20s, so he's in the last part of his residency. And to be clear though, prior to our cancelled date this evening, he'd never actually cancelled plans with me, we just never made them cause he was always busy (and/or I was out of town.) My concern is also that I've texted/emailed him the last couple times and not the other way around, but again, why respond and make plans at all if you have no intention of keeping them?
OK, now that I know he is finishing up his residency I have a feel for his schedule which he really does not have control over. A friend is in the same situation. He would start his rounds at around 5:00 AM and finish his day at maybe 9:00 PM and this would go on for several weeks at a time 7 days a week. In my friends case I doubt very much that once he is out of school and in his own practice that he will be interested in keeping such hours. However many doctors have a singular focus throughout life and that is to make as much money as possible.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Moment of Clarity | Dating | "biological clock ticking" »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Welcome and Tips for eHarmony Advice Newbies! eHA_Admin_Lori Talk to your Community Team 10 February 9,2012 1:07pm
Any past or present jealous guys? sthngrlc Relationships 27 May 4,2010 10:51am
New Discussion Board System for eHarmony Advice! eharmony Dating 172 July 17,2009 11:02pm
Are you NEW to eHarmony Advice? Welcome! PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING! eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Dating 0 April 16,2009 11:39am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 5:21am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0