Help! He wants to meet!


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Luna1 is offline Luna1 Post #1  August 6,2009, 12:33pm
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I'm a little stuck. A first for me, one of my matches and I have been communication and it has gone extremely well. It's that time— to actually meet in person. There is physical distance but that doesn't seem to defer the fact that we are now at the point where he wants to meet so that we can know if the physical chemistry is there. Neither one of us wants to stay at this blissful state only to meet later and be disappointed.

The proposition of meeting has brought up some seriously scary feelings on my part. I'm deathly afraid that I will not be attracted to him. He only has a few photos up and I have already gathered by them that he has hidden the same feature in each. I was very bold in asking about this. He responded that while he has always been a little uncomfortable about this feature he thinks it hasn't coast him anything in the social circle.

However, we all know that if that were true then he wouldn't have hid it in the first place. We really, really connect outside of this. While I have not seen this feature fully I can tell by the hints in the photos that I will most likely not be happy when we meet in person.

I DO NOT want to string him along. We have been really honest with each other so far. I want to be truthful about my concern. ANy advice as to how I should say this to him?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  August 6,2009, 12:38pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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It is the reality that oftentimes what 'works' online doesn't work in person. This is why putting off meeting and building the expectations and anticipation even further isn't a good idea.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #3  August 6,2009, 12:40pm

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feature? what feature are we talking about?
 
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WindsurfSteve681 is offline WindsurfSteve681 Post #4  August 6,2009, 1:01pm
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cp30 wrote :
feature? what feature are we talking about?
I didn't think were allowed to show such "features" on here! LOL ;-)

Luna - the "moment of truth" is a good thing! NOT the end of the relationship. Lemme guess... He wears a baseball cap (bald)? Never smiles (bad teeth)? I agree with J - better to find out earlier than later.

Good luck! :-)

Steve
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #5  August 6,2009, 1:11pm
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Some features can change and some cannot. The question is, is this a feature that can change and one which he is working on changing, or is this one that cannot be changed?

I agree with those who posted that it's best to meet sooner than later. The longer you wait, the more the anticipation builds. If you meet face-to-face at a much later date and you find that you can't get past this, then you've waited all this time for something that won't work for you. Of course, you may just find that this is nothing to worry about at all! However, you will never know unless you take the time to meet this man. So what are you waiting for?
 
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Luna1 is offline Luna1 Post #6  August 6,2009, 1:43pm
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Thank you. I don't plan to put it off at all. I figure my choices are to either tell him that I am fearful that his smile may be an issue for me. (I can tell, even by not seeing a full smile in his photo) Or two, tell him I don't want to meet, which would be the end of it because it wouldn't make no sense to continue.

I'd really like to tell him my concern as he is really down to earth. He says he has been through the experience where what works online did not work in person. More than once I think. While that's great that he is aware of this, thus him using some wisdom with me and saying we have to meet. But seeing as how it hasn't worked for him, sort of makes you wonder if his smile had anything to do with it.

We did speak candidly a bit about his smile. He mentioned wanting to get it fixed. I sure wish he had done this already and I wouldn't have to deal with it.

BTW: I like balding men. ;-)
 
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waypoint_finder is offline waypoint_finder Post #7  August 6,2009, 1:57pm

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If you don't want to meet... then whats the point in continuing this 'relationship' since I'm sure he's not looking for an internet penpal
 
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Luna1 is offline Luna1 Post #8  August 6,2009, 2:05pm
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Can we go back to my original question?

How do I tell him?
How do I tell him of my concern?

I want to meet the man I have a connection with, but I feel his smile will not be pleasing to me. This will damper chemistry for sure for me.

I want to be kind, gentle and honest but still address my very real concern.

I don't think someone's teeth is worth forfeiting something great, BUT something great is known well down the line, unfortunately after chemistry.

How do I tell him this?
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #9  August 6,2009, 2:30pm
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Tell him you aren't interested in him and close him out. You said you don't want to lead him on. Closing him out will clearly not lead him on.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  August 6,2009, 2:37pm

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okay.....yeah this has happened to me too...and I had my suspicions too...and yeah I was right...black tooth (and those were the least of his issues).

Trust your instinct. Dont ask about it. If your really curious just meet him....you won't be suprised at this point.

If you are not interested just graciously decline a second date.

You don't have to meet him.

How do you decline? I dont know....just make something up that is not personal. You don't need to insult him, he will eventually figure out.

In the future, make sure at least one photo is smiling!
 
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