Men, what about YOUR clocks?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  August 5,2009, 11:32am
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In my "biological clock ticking thread (http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...k-ticking.html ("biological clock ticking")), simplemind made a really interesting post:

simplemind wrote :
Are we only talking women's biological clocks?

Delayed attempts at reproduction by women who seek higher education, establishment of a career track, etc. can lead to later problems trying to conceive. And of course, there's that famous "change of life" (they should change the euphemism to "relief", or "free at last!"), after which you can't even try anymore.

Does this mean men get off scot-free?

Medical lit in recent years is yielding up interesting data on the link between "advanced paternal age"--oh, guys, some of you are gonna hate this--which in at least two articles is defined as >40; and autism-spectrum disorders. It's no longer one or two articles, there's actually a growing body of evidence coming out of the UK, Japan, and NZ that autism is linked to father's age. Not mother's.

So women's chromosomes start to do strange things, especially in the early 40's. And now it seems men's do, too.

Maybe we are getting a message that we have no business starting parenthood as we approach an age by which if we have kids, they'll be graduating high school as we get on Medicare?

The clock is ticking for all of us. And not just about having kids..but that's another thread.
MEN - are YOU feeling pressure to start a family, if you have not already?

And if we don't cave in to society's or our own pressures to have a family, and continue to wait until we're older, is there a price to pay for that? And is it worth it?
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #2  August 5,2009, 12:14pm
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Very interesting. For me, I'm not exactly receiving pressure to start a family (except maybe from my mom who hints at wanting grandkids). But being unmarried and childless at 28, some people do drop me hints that I am "running behind."
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  August 5,2009, 12:19pm
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eH_Advice_Admin_Lori wrote :
In my "biological clock ticking thread (http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...k-ticking.html ("biological clock ticking")), simplemind made a really interesting post:



MEN - are YOU feeling pressure to start a family, if you have not already?

And if we don't cave in to society's or our own pressures to have a family, and continue to wait until we're older, is there a price to pay for that? And is it worth it?
The pressure we feel is this: our ability to be a active father decreases as we get older due to age. So it depends on our activity level and age, among other things.

I know guys who are 62 and run marathons, and they can run circles around guys I know in their thirties.

But then again, if we have kids when we're older, we're more able to be financially ready for them as well.
 
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yeoww is offline yeoww Post #4  August 5,2009, 12:20pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Very interesting. For me, I'm not exactly receiving pressure to start a family (except maybe from my mom who hints at wanting grandkids). But being unmarried and childless at 28, some people do drop me hints that I am "running behind."
It's best to have kids when you're financially and emotionally ready, in my opinion. Some people are ready in their 20s, some later. Children rock your world; nothing is the same afterwards - it's amazing how one tiny human being becomes the center of the universe! And it's not like you can give them back if you change your mind :-)

As someone who didn't have kids until my early 40s, I was very fortunate that my family didn't pressure me - I know that's not always the case.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  August 5,2009, 12:34pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
Very interesting. For me, I'm not exactly receiving pressure to start a family (except maybe from my mom who hints at wanting grandkids). But being unmarried and childless at 28, some people do drop me hints that I am "running behind."
OCG, thanks for your post. Do YOU feel you are "running behind"?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  August 5,2009, 12:35pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Mr_Right wrote :
The pressure we feel is this: our ability to be a active father decreases as we get older due to age. So it depends on our activity level and age, among other things.
A few months ago one of the ladies from this site forwarded me references to some of the scientific literature on the increased risks of having children for older fathers. Interestingly, one of the studies found that even higher than the risk of birth defects was an increased risk of an older father's child having an accidental death. They speculated it was because younger father's may be more able to prevent such accidents.

I think the thing both men and women need to keep in mind isn't whether the risks associated with having children are increasing....but just what the levels are. If the risk of having a birth defect goes from 1 in 10,000,000 to 1 in 100,000 that's a hundredfold change....but this probably isn't as relevant as if the risk goes from 1 in 1,000 to 1 in 40.

And actually, I think my 'clock' is more likely to expire because I won't find a partner who is able or willing to have more kids than to my changing physiology.

Related note: I see quite a few women who are easily young enough to have children but who don't want to have anymore. Oftentimes they've had a couple and indicate they don't want to have anymore.
Last edited by jayjay; August 5,2009 at 12:42pm.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  August 5,2009, 12:36pm
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yeoww wrote :
*snip*
As someone who didn't have kids until my early 40s, I was very fortunate that my family didn't pressure me - I know that's not always the case.
Yeoww, thanks for your post. Do you think there was any "price" paid or tradeoffs relative to your starting a family "late"?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #8  August 5,2009, 1:22pm
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jayjay wrote :
*snip*
I think the thing both men and women need to keep in mind isn't whether the risks associated with having children are increasing....but just what the levels are. If the risk of having a birth defect goes from 1 in 10,000,000 to 1 in 100,000 that's a hundredfold change....but this probably isn't as relevant as if the risk goes from 1 in 1,000 to 1 in 40.
*snip*
I have often thought about these things, myself, and I think you make a good point here, jayjay.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #9  August 5,2009, 2:05pm
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A male family member had another baby at 51 years old & then again last year at 53.

Not feeling any pressure at all here.

Women have to face that reality while it is quite different for men.

Now... I suppose not all men will be able to attract much younger women so that may be an issue for some men in that sense.

I do realise that those pressures will be mine when I do find the person that I want to stay with.
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #10  August 5,2009, 2:40pm
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I think about this issue quite often at my age but really you all you can do is worry about finding a good partner first. I'm not going to settle for anybody and be unhappy just to have children by age 34. I think I could live with never having children if push came to shove, at least I'll have a happy marriage if I keep searching for the right one.
 
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