Being Good Looking, does it help or hinder finding a match?


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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #101  August 18,2009, 4:34pm
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chawks64 wrote :
YES!

 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #102  August 18,2009, 4:36pm
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JDavid wrote :
Some time ago I wrote an essay entitled "The Curse of Cute" that was inspired by a woman who had been uncommonly attractive since childhood (and was then in her thirties).

She, and many other "cute" people, relied on the unearned (and typically undeserved) attention of others -- and learned to DEPEND on adoration and support for a sense of self -- based solely or largely upon cute appearance and behavior. I differentiate between "cute" and "beautiful" or "handsome" based upon immature attitudes often connoted by or associated with the former.

I also knew her "counterpart" -- a woman in her sixties who had obviously been "good looking" in earlier years. She still had all the cute moves and mannerisms -- but they no longer produced the effect to which she was accustomed. She was confused and becoming bitter.

Perhaps I will post that essay -- or maybe just send it to some friends here.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #103  August 18,2009, 4:49pm
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I think it would help...initially. Looks still won't help you much if you're a creep or dumb as a rock.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #104  August 18,2009, 5:14pm
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WillTheRealBarbaraPleaseStandU wrote :
I don't relate with your statment of "It allows one to identify those who seem to think they are "good looking". "
Some understand and agree, others do not. I am not selling anything.

WillTheRealBarbaraPleaseStandU wrote :
How do you feel about your looks? What criteria are you basing it on?
Does "you" as used in the sentences above indicate an attempt to make this a personal matter?

If so, my position would be that my looks and a few dollars will get me a cup of coffee in most places. I regularly tell people that I grew the beard forty years ago "to cover up a lot of ugly". My self-esteem is NOT based upon appearance.

And you?

WillTheRealBarbaraPleaseStandU wrote :
It means you have good self esteem in most cases.
Self-esteem and appearance are two VERY different characteristics that need not be related (though that thought is lost on many people).

WillTheRealBarbaraPleaseStandU wrote :
In addition I have met very good looking people and as I got to know them further, their charachter or some part of them was very ugly inside. In time when I would see them I would not see this physical beauty anymore I would only see the uglyness beneath the exterior.
Yes, there are quality people who are good-looking – and terrible people who are good-looking, AND there are plain people who are admirable and others who are not. The point is?

WillTheRealBarbaraPleaseStandU wrote :
To sit there and identify those who seem to think they are good looking means your just sitting there judging what others think of themselves.
Are you "judging" me for doing what you imagine to be "judging" others? How quaint.

Correction: I am reading what people communicate about themselves.

Do you recommend NOT making any "judgments" or evaluations based upon what people say about themselves?

WillTheRealBarbaraPleaseStandU wrote :
What criteria are you using to do this?
Can you quote a single judgment I have made about any individual?

WillTheRealBarbaraPleaseStandU wrote :
When does all this judgment stop and when do we start to accept people for who they are rather then judging all like judging a book by its cover. It's all so shallow. We are real people not touched up photos from a magazine.
Judgment (evaluation) is a necessary activity in life. We MUST evaluate people, things and situations in order to function. The extremely naïve do not apply judgment to real life situations (and often become victims).

I am willing to make decisions (that involve judgment) concerning other people (and things and situations). Does that offend you (generic term)?
 
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GypsyWillow is offline GypsyWillow Post #105  August 18,2009, 6:05pm
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JDavid wrote :
.


Some understand and agree, others do not. I am not selling anything.



Does "you" as used in the sentences above indicate an attempt to make this a personal matter?

If so, my position would be that my looks and a few dollars will get me a cup of coffee in most places. I regularly tell people that I grew the beard forty years ago "to cover up a lot of ugly". My self-esteem is NOT based upon appearance.

And you?



Self-esteem and appearance are two VERY different characteristics that need not be related (though that thought is lost on many people).



Yes, there are quality people who are good-looking – and terrible people who are good-looking, AND there are plain people who are admirable and others who are not. The point is?



Are you "judging" me for doing what you imagine to be "judging" others? How quaint.

Correction: I am reading what people communicate about themselves.

Are you "judging" me for doing what you imagine to be "judging" others? How quaint.

Correction: I am reading what people communicate about themselves.



Can you quote a single judgment I have made about any individual?



Judgment (evaluation) is a necessary activity in life. We MUST evaluate people, things and situations in order to function. The extremely naïve do not apply judgment to real life situations (and often become victims).

I am willing to make decisions (that involve judgment) concerning other people (and things and situations). Does that offend you (generic term)?

Does "you" as used in the sentences above indicate an attempt to make this a personal matter?

No it does not mean that I am making it an attack nor a personal matter. It does mean that some of what the author wrote did not set
with me.

My self-esteem is NOT based upon appearance.

And you?

No it is not based upon my appearance however it is part of what makes me comfortable in my skin.

Yes, there are quality people who are good-looking – and terrible people who are good-looking, AND there are plain people who are admirable and others who are not. The point is?

The essence of your text was that of the basis of people "looking good". The point of that was to portray the shallowness of the point of view.

Are you "judging" me for doing what you imagine to be "judging" others? How quaint.

Correction: I am reading what people communicate about themselves.

Are you still asking me if I am judging you? No I am not just trying to clarify.

Can you quote a single judgment I have made about any individual?

Not of an individual no.


Judgment (evaluation) is a necessary activity in life. We MUST evaluate people, things and situations in order to function. The extremely naïve do not apply judgment to real life situations (and often become victims).

I am willing to make decisions (that involve judgment) concerning other people (and things and situations). Does that offend you (generic term)?[/quote]


A Judgment is according to Websters: The act of judging, deciding. a misfortune looked on as a punishment from God, an opinion or estimate, criticism or censure, the ability to come to opinions about things; power of comparing and deciding; under assertion of belief or proposition.

Life may require us to make judgments in business matters and in other situations but who are we to judge other people. Live and let live. I pass not judgment upon you I only try to understand these words and meaning behind them because they are so (here I am going to have to use some words I am not comfortable with) materialistic and somewhat cruel.

The extremely naïve do not apply judgment to real life situations (and often become victims).

Is it possible that the humble and more enlightened not the naive do not apply judgment for they do not feel the need to pump themselves up by setting a judgment by were as they can put themselves above others? Maybe it is the naive that are applyinig judgment.

No it does not offend me that you choose to judge people, it does however rub negatively against my moral fiber. But people will be people and that is the variety of life and acceptance is the key to harmony. I accept you as you are whether I like you or agree with you or not.

If you need further elaboration on anything please feel free to ask out of the forums if you feel it is going off topic.
 
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BuzWeaver is offline BuzWeaver Post #106  August 18,2009, 6:29pm
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Attractiveness is going to help, however there are different degrees of attractiveness. In my experience as it pertains to eHarmony, some of the more attractive woman seem to be the most fickle, skittish or indecisive when it comes to deciding on the next step.

To me its as though they are weighing their options between other potential matches. After a few days I just close them out, as disappointing as it may be.
 
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WoolyOrl is offline WoolyOrl Post #107  August 18,2009, 8:31pm
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ell wrote :
Hinder. I took my photo down so that men would actually READ my profile before initiating communication.
If I encounter a profile with no picture I won't even read the profile. And it's not about looks being primary for me - it's about the fact that I interpret the lack of a picture to be that they have something to hide that is negative. It raises my suspicions.

I'm really sorry to say this out loud, but dating is more than a set of sentences. It's also how a person looks, it's body language, it's the setting that she is in for the photos (if they are all in a bar that says one thing. All in an outdoors-ie setting, that's another. Always out with girlfriends in the picture and she's never solo in any of them - that means something else).

Men are visual creatures - we need to SEE the person in order to interpret their personalities. A profile can be refined and manipulated to mean anything - but photos are snapshots in someone's life, and they say things.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #108  August 18,2009, 11:02pm
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delux269 wrote :
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I am average looking I would say... I start communication with every match I receive. And I RARELY get responses to me initiating communication. I only get about 1 woman out of every 10 matches to answer my first questions. It's sad, and its unfair to non attractive men like me. But I guess its the way the world works.
First-there are many more average people than good looking people on eH and in the world! We 'averages' shouldn't feel down because the genetic pool wan not on their side!
And, second, sadly, eH has a huge number of people who don't join, which means they can't answer your questions-unless they actually pony up the bucks. It's a hard lesson for all of we new members who get a plethora of matches who have not joined.
Don't give up 'newby'..keep sending out the first questions (like you-I send them to ALL my matches and very few actually answer or close me out.
Average looking people have other qualities that don't photograph well=we have to in order to compete in the dating world.
Roxy-another average old broad
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #109  August 19,2009, 3:42am
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GypsyWillow wrote :
The essence of your text was that of the basis of people "looking good". The point of that was to portray the shallowness of the point of view.
Perhaps it would be wise to re-read my text to which you appear to refer (#92 this thread):

JDavid wrote :
This is an interesting thread. It allows one to identify those who seem to think they are "good looking".

It would be even more interesting to know what criteria were used to make the determination.
Kindly identify the judgment and shallowness (or error) in the above – or acknowledge that you cannot.

Is it "shallow" to state that if someone says or strongly implies, "I am good looking", they can be correctly identified as "seem to think they are 'good looking'"? Kindly identify how and why that is shallow.

GypsyWillow wrote :
A Judgment is according to Websters: The act of judging, deciding. a misfortune looked on as a punishment from God, an opinion or estimate, criticism or censure, the ability to come to opinions about things; power of comparing and deciding; under assertion of belief or proposition.
I prefer a more comprehensive and complex definition of the term "judgment". The "short form" or expedient would be "the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions"/

When I use the term it has NO religious connotations or influences. I realize that many people recoil from the term because of what they read in their preferred "holy" books; however, I am not bound by their beliefs.

Definition of Judgment from dictionary.net
Judgment \Judg"ment\, n. [OE. jugement, F. jugement, LL. judicamentum, fr. L. judicare. See Judge, v. i.]

1. The act of judging; the operation of the mind, involving comparison and discrimination, by which a knowledge of the values and relations of thins, whether of moral qualities, intellectual concepts, logical propositions, or material facts, is obtained; as, by careful judgment he avoided the peril; by a series of wrong judgments he forfeited confidence.
2. The power or faculty of performing such operations (see 1); esp., when unqualified, the faculty of judging or deciding rightly, justly, or wisely; good sense; as, a man of judgment; a politician without judgment.
3. The conclusion or result of judging; an opinion; a decision.
4. The act of determining, as in courts of law, what is conformable to law and justice; also, the determination, decision, or sentence of a court, or of a judge; the mandate or sentence of God as the judge of all.
5. (Philos.)
(a) That act of the mind by which two notions or ideas which are apprehended as distinct are compared for the purpose of ascertaining their agreement or

1. The comparison may be threefold: (1) Of individual objects forming a concept. (2) Of concepts giving what is technically called a judgment. (3) Of two judgments giving an inference. Judgments have been further classed as analytic, synthetic, and identical.
(b) That power or faculty by which knowledge dependent upon comparison and discrimination is acquired. See 2.
6. A calamity regarded as sent by God, by way of recompense for wrong committed; a providential punishment. ``Judgments are prepared for scorners.'' --Prov. xix. 29. ``This judgment of the heavens that makes us tremble.'' --Shak.
7. (Theol.) The final award; the last sentence.

Define Judgement - Source: '!' | Multi-Dictionary | Definition of Judgement

judgement
n 1: the legal document stating the reasons for a judicial
decision; "opinions are usually written by a single
judge" [syn: {opinion}, {legal opinion}, {judgment}]
2: an opinion formed by judging something; "he was reluctant to
make his judgment known"; "she changed her mind" [syn: {judgment},
{mind}]
3: the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing
conclusions [syn: {judgment}, {judging}]
4: ability to make good judgments [syn: {sagacity}, {sagaciousness},
{judgment}, {discernment}]
5: the capacity to assess situations or circumstances shrewdly
and to draw sound conclusions [syn: {judgment}, {sound judgment}, {sound judgement}, {perspicacity}]
6: (law) the determination by a court of competent jurisdiction
on matters submitted to it [syn: {judgment}, {judicial decision}]
7: the act of judging or assessing a person or situation or
event; "they criticized my judgment of the contestants"
[syn: {judgment}, {assessment}]

I realize that many people apply "definitions" to the term that reflect religious implications. I am not bound or limited by such considerations.


GypsyWillow wrote :
Life may require us to make judgments in business matters and in other situations but who are we to judge other people. Live and let live.
I do not speak for "we", but for myself as an individual who lives in the real world and interacts with real people. Regarding EVERY person with whom I interact, I DO make decisions, evaluations, JUDGMENTS (the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions). I decide that some speak and act in ways that indicate they are trustworthy, honorable, upstanding, people of integrity. I decide that others indicate none of those things.

Whether we like it or not (or admit it or not), each of us uses "cognitive processes in reaching a decision or drawing conclusions" about other people. When we say I like (or respect) another person, we HAVE made a judgment. Likewise, when we say we dislike or disrespect another person, we have made a judgment.

Some of us acknowledge doing so. Others do not. Many base their aversion to "judgment" upon religious teachings. Others do not accept supernaturalism.

GypsyWillow wrote :
Is it possible that the humble and more enlightened not the naive do not apply judgment for they do not feel the need to pump themselves up by setting a judgment by were as they can put themselves above others?
Who is "more enlightened"? Is it not a judgment that some are "more" and some "less" enlightened?

"Pump themselves up" is NOT required in "the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions". Instead, its use seems to indicate emotional involvement rather than reasoning in the decision process.

Decisions CAN be made on the basis of evidence and indications observed – without reference to the self – and without being centered upon emotion or theology.

GypsyWillow wrote :
Maybe it is the naive that are applyinig judgment.
One is certainly free to regard naiveté as judgment. However, to decide to not decide is a decision – that abrogates responsibility and transfers it to others or to chance.

If one values humbleness and naiveté over considered decision, it is their right to do so – for themselves. Others prefer to use cognitive processes to make decisions (or "judgments"). I am proudly among the latter to the greatest extent possible.

GypsyWillow wrote :
No it does not offend me that you choose to judge people, it does however rub negatively against my moral fiber.
Kindly read my statements to which you refer and identify by quote exactly what judgment of people I have made.
 
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Grant30253 is offline Grant30253 Post #110  August 21,2009, 11:26am
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It can help or hinder depending on the following;
Help- Everyone wants an attractive partner obviously, there needs to be physical attraction in any successful relationship (in the beginning). Anyone who is attaractive is going to endenger more responses to their profile.
Hinder- On the other hand, if you look too good the other sex may see you as unattainable and may be shied away. Also someone who looks that good, knows they look good. They most likely have a jaded personality due to the differential treatment they have had their entire life.

I consider myself a decent looking guy, I'll be conservative and say I'm an 8.5 (lol), and I typically will not even attempt to go after a 10. I have no lack of confidence, I just don't want to do that much work and deal with the general drama that comes with a 10. Of course that's a generalization, not all 10's are dramafied, but that's why it's called a generalization, they usually are.
 
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