When the topic always involves the grown children, when is it too much?


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Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #1  August 4,2009, 6:13am
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Hi, I am new to EH, a paying member, and I want to know what your opinions are regarding when a man who is in his middle to late 50's constantly talks about his 2 grown children, and constantly does things with them every weekend and sometimes weekdays. It's like his life is centered around his 2 grown up adult children, and somehow he wants to fit in a partner in there? How? I actually met him once for lunch a couple of weeks ago, and geez, all he talked about was his 2 children. I am not looking to date them! I have 2 children and yes I love them dearly, but they have their lives and I want mine!
Tell me what you think about this? Have any of you experienced this?
I have closed the match, and also emailed him telling him the reason.
Have not had a response back, and that is good with me.
Ladyjuju
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #2  August 4,2009, 6:19am
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i guess it could work with the right person, but it wouldn't be something that I would want in a relationship either. it sounds blended family-ish and that is often a strain on a relationship

on the other hand, my ex used to complain that when we were together with his kids that i would relate with them more than him ..... oops
 
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ltc89 is offline ltc89 Post #3  August 4,2009, 6:37am
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I'm a single dad who had sole custody of my two kids since they were very young. They're both grown (daughter married, son about to get married) and living on their own now. With what it takes to do a good job of single parenting, we became a very close family. I'm really proud of my kids and how they turned out, and I have to watch out for the tendency to talk too much about them. Intelectually, I realize that nobody else is nearly as interested in my kids as I am, so I do kind of try to be careful about that. His constant talking about them may be love and pride combined, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

As for spending time with them, I do that a lot as well, and if I have anything to say about it, that will never change. We help each other, and look for chances to be together. His perspective may be like mine - a lot of things in life are transient (including most relationships), but your bond with your kids is permanent and shouldn't be relegated to second place status by anyone or anything.

Everyone sees this differently, and I'm not passing judgement on whether or not it's right for your relationship - just suggesting that a perspective on how he sees this may be helpful
 
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Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #4  August 4,2009, 7:03am
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ltc89 wrote :
I'm a single dad who had sole custody of my two kids since they were very young. They're both grown (daughter married, son about to get married) and living on their own now. With what it takes to do a good job of single parenting, we became a very close family. I'm really proud of my kids and how they turned out, and I have to watch out for the tendency to talk too much about them. Intelectually, I realize that nobody else is nearly as interested in my kids as I am, so I do kind of try to be careful about that. His constant talking about them may be love and pride combined, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

As for spending time with them, I do that a lot as well, and if I have anything to say about it, that will never change. We help each other, and look for chances to be together. His perspective may be like mine - a lot of things in life are transient (including most relationships), but your bond with your kids is permanent and shouldn't be relegated to second place status by anyone or anything.

Everyone sees this differently, and I'm not passing judgement on whether or not it's right for your relationship - just suggesting that a perspective on how he sees this may be helpful
I too have brought both my children up as a single parent, and I am proud of my kids too! However, this is not about the children, this is supposed to be about finding a "soul mate" or partner, and I will never be relegated to "second place" in any relationship.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  August 4,2009, 7:10am
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He's never stopped living life vicariously through his children. He doesn't have a life outside of that; therefore, he has nothing else to talk about.
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The future of chocolate? Join the discussion:
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  August 4,2009, 7:12am
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You are a wise woman, and perfectly said below. You are the healthy one here, who realizes:
1) Your children are grown and have their own lives
2) Making room in your life for dating / someone new is essential
3) Your are dating him, not his entire family

With this mindset, you will go far in meeting the right person and guys like him will keep wondering why they are closed..

Ladyjuju wrote :
Hi, I am new to EH, a paying member, and I want to know what your opinions are regarding when a man who is in his middle to late 50's constantly talks about his 2 grown children, and constantly does things with them every weekend and sometimes weekdays. It's like his life is centered around his 2 grown up adult children, and somehow he wants to fit in a partner in there? How? I actually met him once for lunch a couple of weeks ago, and geez, all he talked about was his 2 children. I am not looking to date them! I have 2 children and yes I love them dearly, but they have their lives and I want mine!
Tell me what you think about this? Have any of you experienced this?
I have closed the match, and also emailed him telling him the reason.
Have not had a response back, and that is good with me.
Ladyjuju
Excellent!.........
 
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Ladyjuju is offline Ladyjuju Post #7  August 4,2009, 7:21am
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
He's never stopped living life vicariously through his children. He doesn't have a life outside of that; therefore, he has nothing else to talk about.
.
.
.
The future of chocolate? Join the discussion:
advice.eharmony-groups-Nostradomus-has-nothing-us-make-your-own-predictions
Hey Dennis, Yup, I agree! Thanks for your opinion! I think it is important to realize that we were kids once too with parents. Though I loved my parents dearly, as I got older and on my own, I had my life to live and I did not see them each and every day and do things together each and every day, nor did they expect that from their children. They too wanted to spend sometime alone just the 2 of them again!
Cheers! Ladyjuju
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  August 4,2009, 7:24am
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I have experienced this sort of thing before. I dated a lady for a while who talked a great deal about her adult son. While she should have been justifiably proud of her son, he had a life of his own and lived across the country pursuing his goals. I did get the feeling from time to time that there may not be any room in her life for me as in her mind all the room was taken up by her son though he did not ask for much time from her.
 
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