Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
AustinShaguar AustinShaguar is offline
AustinShaguar's Avatar

AustinShaguar is Shagadelic, yeah baby!

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 219

See profile

I see this kind of behavior from women all the time. I have friends who express their frustration over it. Basically, you'll see groups of 3, 4, or 5 women for a "girl's night out". They build a fortress around themselves as if they are the only people in the joint. They don't mingle nor really even attempt eye contact with anyone other than their waiter/waitress. It is almost as though they have agreed on a pact that it is girl's night out and no one is to break the circle and let outsiders in. To a certain degree I think it causes hard feelings for some of the group who don't get any attention from the guys. This is probably why they have their friendship pact to avoid outsiders.
- August 3rd, 2009, 09:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
MCMLXXII MCMLXXII is offline
MCMLXXII's Avatar

MCMLXXII is dating Jimmy Kimmel.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 252

See profile

jayjay wrote :
No...don't send her an email. That might come off as (and actually be) cowardly. The subtext of the email would be 'I want to talk to you and ask you out but I'm scared to do it in person".

Just do it. Good luck.
^^ What he said. Keep it simple and stress-less. Ask to meet her at a coffee house or an ice cream shop. (Hint: With tact, ice cream can be fun and flirty!).
- August 3rd, 2009, 09:59 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ...is relaxing.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 7,407

See profile

AustinShaguar wrote :
I see this kind of behavior from women all the time. I have friends who express their frustration over it. Basically, you'll see groups of 3, 4, or 5 women for a "girl's night out". They build a fortress around themselves as if they are the only people in the joint. They don't mingle nor really even attempt eye contact with anyone other than their waiter/waitress. It is almost as though they have agreed on a pact that it is girl's night out and no one is to break the circle and let outsiders in. To a certain degree I think it causes hard feelings for some of the group who don't get any attention from the guys. This is probably why they have their friendship pact to avoid outsiders.
I've seen that and know what you mean. I also think it's entirely fine for women to have times when they do 'wall themselves off' and don't want to be approached by men.
- August 3rd, 2009, 10:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
JADS402 JADS402 is offline
JADS402's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 15

See profile

I third the no emails thing....
thats how I lost the first woman
I really really liked, and got the lets
be friends email...will always kinda
wonder what would have happened if I'd asked her in person.
- August 3rd, 2009, 10:50 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh has decided to put her luck to the test.

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 4,320

See profile

JADS402 wrote :
I third the no emails thing....
thats how I lost the first woman
I really really liked, and got the lets
be friends email...will always kinda
wonder what would have happened if I'd asked her in person.
Ohhh, I just responded in your thread. I guess my advice was too late. Sorry to hear that!!

And for Mark, I like Shelly's idea too. I would go with that plan.
- August 3rd, 2009, 10:57 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

gothustartus gothustartus is offline
gothustartus's Avatar

gothustartus is relaxing

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 755

See profile

MarkInAustin wrote :
I've done that already. I'm just having trouble getting from the "Hi" stage to the "Do you want to go out with me?" stage.

At first I was thinking that she just wan't at all interested in me, but then I noticed that she wasn't really talking to *any* other guys. It seems like she might just be going through some hard times, but I don't really know.

I'd like to send her an E-mail, but I have *no* idea what to say.
Yes it is possible that she spends all of her time talking to the older guy because he is a non-threatening father figure and the younger guys make her uncomfortable, but as you say you really have no idea, it's possible she is actually attracted to him and is laying some foundations.

If trying to talk to her is so awkward have you considered talking to him? Tell him you're interested in her but don't know how to break the ice, he may be able to give you some tips or it may come up in their own conversations and break the ice for you.
Ok, "My mate really fancies you" is a bit 13ish but hey, at least it gets the idea out there.
- August 3rd, 2009, 11:22 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
cp30 cp30 is offline
cp30's Avatar

cp30 is making big plans...

Power Poster

Join Date: Dec 2007

Posts: 5,353

See profile

sometimes, (you may have noticed my thread...) and I have before in a similiar situation when I was either deciding if I was going to move or if I knew I was going to move....and actually before that again when I knew I needed some time to recover, get better after a rough situation. That was actually a lot longer...well, I'd say I do that for a little while after every break up, but I'd say I was pretty walled off for a good portion of my mid-late 20s. The beginning part purposefully, the later part because I had gotten busy with my life. I was definitley not a hermit though, just focused on growth and learning and taking care of myself. Not really walled off in the sense that I literally would not talk to people!

I think it is odd to do so in a social situation. I wouldn't purposefully wall myself off in a social setting.... I don't think. I would maybe avoid social situations if I were really serious about being alone, but if I'm there I usually want to connect with people....despite the ramifications!

My guess is she feels comfortable with the older guy because she doesn't see him in the same way as other men. She might be painfully shy with men who are actual candidates for dating, and not even realize the signals she is putting out.
- August 3rd, 2009, 11:30 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
mylifesabeach mylifesabeach is offline
mylifesabeach's Avatar

mylifesabeach is happy.

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 62

See profile

OMG Ask her out! The old guy is for comfort. She likes him but doesn't want to date him. If she did they would already be dating. For gosh sakes he is thirty years older than her, if he is single he would more than lifely be jumpin on that is she would let him the way they appear to get along.

He is the security blanket. He would probably like to be the boyfriend but he is not gonna be. Not unless she gets really drunk one night or so lonely and desperate she can't stand it anymore.

DO NOT under ANY circumstances confide in him that you like her and try to get him to "help" you. He will most likely agree to it and he may even help you get a date but he will consistently undermine you to her until he takes down your relationship. I have heard that a girl will be friends with a guy she is not attracted to but a man will rarely put the effort to do this and I believe this is the truth. A guy that sits around listening to you vent and tell your sobby stories likes you.

If you can get her alone ask her out. If she says no she is not interested either because she is not ready to date or cause she is not interested in you. But man up and take that walk towards her. I don't care what anybody says, it is human nature for the man to be the pursuer- pursue!

By the way I am female AND I have a close male friend I am aware that I have around for security (but I care deeply about) that I have no interest in dating for many reasons. But, my past experience with him is he would undermine other people wanting to date me and I understand why. So I just don't have him in that part of my life.
- August 4th, 2009, 12:10 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
angelofmercie angelofmercie is offline
angelofmercie's Avatar

angelofmercie loves the feel of leaning his bike going thru curves

Newbie

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 13

See profile

First I would ask some of the others in the group if they knew anything about her. Next I would wait until when she headed to the ladies room then ask this older guy if he knew of any reason she was not dating and tell him you are interested in her. From this data if everything is positive then ask her out. Good luck
- August 4th, 2009, 12:10 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#19   Reply With Quote
gothustartus gothustartus is offline
gothustartus's Avatar

gothustartus is relaxing

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 755

See profile

mylifesabeach wrote :
DO NOT under ANY circumstances confide in him that you like her and try to get him to "help" you. He will most likely agree to it and he may even help you get a date but he will consistently undermine you to her until he takes down your relationship.
While i will agree that there are plenty of men out there who will do that it's a horrible indictment to automatically assume that every man will, i certainly wouldn't.
- August 4th, 2009, 01:37 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#20   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks

« Finding at Dating someone overseas (United Kingdom) | Array | Ladies, does size really matter »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Met the perfect woman; slight obstacle; your thoughts? TBemrose Relationships 35 July 31st, 2009 11:56 am
What is a guy who "has a lot to offer" a woman? BadAtNickNames Ask a Dating Expert 16 July 6th, 2009 09:42 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“sounds like things are going great! i'd suggest that you just keep doing whatever it is you are doing. and don't sweat the little things.” – notyet

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“"Billed in one installment of $239.40" means, "Billed once for $239.40." Pardon me for saying this, but if I had less than $40 in my bank account, buying an eHarmony subscription will be the least ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “eHarmony payment plans” discussion

“ Call them!” – Coca-Cola

Join the “FCW - Interesting Problem” discussion

“It appears the OP hasn't participated in EhA since she login and posed her question initially. We all come to these advise boards with so many different backgrounds...in fact I wrote another post on ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“Darn..is that it..the first sign of awkwardness and kapowie/ shoot the relationship down.Here we haver 2 introverts without, apparently, heaps of experience, looking not for a way to end it, but for ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “what to do... second guessing myself” discussion

“Lil lamb, I mentioned God in this topic for a number of reasons. 1. He is the Author of marriage. 2. The OP expressly emphasized God 3. The nature of this group. 4. A few more......... Perhaps ... ” – lil_lamb

Join the “Letter: National migration towards legalization of same-sex marriage” discussion

“Maybe I'm missing something too, but I had closed my match and she finally asked to reopen...but looks like if you've closed somebody before you can't reopen it as a non-paying member. Not that it ... ” – PY_2

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“hmm. well, i've got a nasty streak of religiosity. as in, i believe chastity is not only for the unmarried. do i qualify? anyways, i'd say it's hard to talk about "advantages." being religious is, ... ” – lil_lamb

Join the “Gods will and sex vs abstinence for older folks” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:10 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0