thrasher1080 is offline thrasher1080 Post #1  August 3,2009, 7:49am
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Ok so I have been dating this girl for 3 monthes now. She lives an hour away from me, but shes always around. Spent a few weekends at her house, had plenty of dates and sex. We both met eachother parents, and she sent mine a thank you card for dinner. Feeling pretty confident about where things were I asked her if she want to lock it down and be commited.......she said no?

So I did the math and figured out who the other guy was (thanks facebook). Now he lives 2.5 hrs away from her in a crappy neighborhood, hes a cop and hes not moving any time soon. On top of that hes a douchebag. Im way more fly than this guy. So I asked her why she said no, and if she was seeing anyone else (giving her an easy exit). She said she wasnt ready for a boyfriend and she wasnt seeing anyone else but she cant say she wont.

Now this guy doesnt know I exist. I really like this girl but Im not gonna get played. We are suppost to be camping friday night, and shes going to a wedding sat with that guy.

Do I call her out on her BS? Do I give her zero attenchion and make her feel unsure? Try and maker her jealous? Or do I step up the game and do a really fancy date? Ive already done the make dinner thing, and shes not really flattered by materialistic things.
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  August 3,2009, 11:06am
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You can't force someone to like you and you can't force your timelines on another person.

If she is not ready to be exclusive with you at least be happy that she is being honest instead of telling you yes, and then going around doing what she likes anyway.

You can either wait and see how things unfold with her or you can move on. Those are really the only two choices you have. As for the other guy being less than you - that's in your eyes and not hers, assuming you are even remotely in the ballpark about him. She may be backing off because she thinks that things have moved too fast or you are being too pushy with her.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #3  August 3,2009, 11:07am
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First of all do you actually know it's BS? They're on each others facebook pages i assume from your comment... well so what? I have hundreds of people on mine and i'm not sleeping with any of them.
They're going to a wedding together? Well again, so what? It is possible that the guy is a friend of hers, or the people getting married are mutual friends. You're acting like it's their own wedding.

All of that is immaterial anyway. You asked if she wanted to commit and she said no, she's not ready for it. That means no, she's not ready to commit to you. Do you really think trying to bully her into it is going to get you anything besides marching orders? If you're not happy with the situation then walk away from it.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but the whole tone of your post was adversarial and i can't help feeling some empathy for the girl.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #4  August 3,2009, 11:22am
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She doesn't want a committed relationship, she wants to play the field.. .. Don't obsess over the other guy, it's not a competition between you and him over her, unless you want it to be. You can't stop her from playing the field with this guy and anyone else. All you can do is step out of the game if you do not want to get played, because she is playing
thrasher1080 wrote :
Ok so I have been dating this girl for 3 months now. She lives an hour away from me, but shes always around. Spent a few weekends at her house, had plenty of dates and sex. We both met each other parents, and she sent mine a thank you card for dinner. Feeling pretty confident about where things were, I asked her if she want to lock it down and be committed.......she said no?
So I did the math and figured out who the other guy was (thanks facebook). Now he lives 2.5 hrs away from her in a crappy neighborhood, hes a cop and hes not moving any time soon. On top of that hes a douche bag. I'm way more fly than this guy. So I asked her why she said no, and if she was seeing anyone else (giving her an easy exit). She said she wasn't ready for a boyfriend and she wasn't seeing anyone else but she cant say she wont.
Now this guy doesn't know I exist. I really like this girl but I'm not gonna get played. We are suppose to be camping Friday night, and shes going to a wedding sat with that guy.
Do I call her out on her BS? Do I give her zero attention and make her feel unsure? Try and maker her jealous? Or do I step up the game and do a really fancy date? Ive already done the make dinner thing, and shes not really flattered by materialistic things.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #5  August 3,2009, 11:48am
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thrasher1080 wrote :
Ok so I have been dating this girl for 3 monthes now. She lives an hour away from me, but shes always around. Spent a few weekends at her house, had plenty of dates and sex. We both met eachother parents, and she sent mine a thank you card for dinner. Feeling pretty confident about where things were I asked her if she want to lock it down and be commited.......she said no?

So I did the math and figured out who the other guy was (thanks facebook). Now he lives 2.5 hrs away from her in a crappy neighborhood, hes a cop and hes not moving any time soon. On top of that hes a douchebag. Im way more fly than this guy. So I asked her why she said no, and if she was seeing anyone else (giving her an easy exit). She said she wasnt ready for a boyfriend and she wasnt seeing anyone else but she cant say she wont.

Now this guy doesnt know I exist. I really like this girl but Im not gonna get played. We are suppost to be camping friday night, and shes going to a wedding sat with that guy.

Do I call her out on her BS? Do I give her zero attenchion and make her feel unsure? Try and maker her jealous? Or do I step up the game and do a really fancy date? Ive already done the make dinner thing, and shes not really flattered by materialistic things.
Do you know for certain that she is seeing this other guy, or do you just suspect that she is? Facebook really isn't a guide to anything, I hate to tell you. And even if she is seeing him, you aren't in a committed relationship, so technically she wouldn't be out of line if she was seeing someone else.

Many men complain that they don't know what a woman wants. She was honest with you and told you up front that she was not ready for a commitment at this point. Rather than accepting this for what it was, you went looking for ulterior motives. And you wonder why she's not ready for a commitment with you?

Don't play games with her. Either accept her word at face value or don't. Be content with what you have with her, or end what you have and go look for someone else. Just be aware that there may not be anything better out there, and you could be kicking yourself a few months from now. As for camping this weekend--be yourself. That's why she's been with you for as long as she has--because she likes YOU. She'll know something is up if things suddenly change, and then she may just make the decision to move on to someone new.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  August 3,2009, 11:48am
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[quote=DancingFool;697438]
You can't force someone to like you and you can't force your timelines on another person.

You can either wait and see how things unfold with her or you can move on. Those are really the only two choices you have. As for the other guy being less than you - that's in your eyes and not hers, assuming you are even remotely in the ballpark about him. She may be backing off because she thinks that things have moved too fast or you are being too pushy with her.

[quote=gothustartus;697440]

All of that is immaterial anyway. You asked if she wanted to commit and she said no, she's not ready for it. That means no, she's not ready to commit to you. Do you really think trying to bully her into it is going to get you anything besides marching orders? If you're not happy with the situation then walk away from it.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but the whole tone of your post was adversarial and i can't help feeling some empathy for the girl.




Me, too. It's a wonder she doesn't call the cop on you.

You spent your OP whining about how she is sneaking around mistreating you and strutting your stuff. And you spend your time sneaking around checking up on her, assigning the worst intentions to her.

The police officers I have known have a whole lot of something it seems to me you don't know yet. How to Be a Man!
Last edited by j0hn8andy; August 3,2009 at 11:52am.
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #7  August 3,2009, 12:04pm
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thrasher1080 wrote :

So I did the math and figured out who the other guy was (thanks facebook). Now he lives 2.5 hrs away from her in a crappy neighborhood, hes a cop and hes not moving any time soon. On top of that hes a douchebag. Im way more fly than this guy. So I asked her why she said no, and if she was seeing anyone else (giving her an easy exit). She said she wasnt ready for a boyfriend and she wasnt seeing anyone else but she cant say she wont.
Are you always this judgmental on others? If so, I don't blame her for saying no. You don't know this guy and you already assume you're better then him.

Anyway, from "doing the math" how did you figure out it was this guy? Because of what they write back and forth? If you don't trust her (which it seems like you don't by spying on her) you don't need to be in a relationship with her.
 
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