How do you nicely tell a guy you are not interested in a second date?


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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #41  January 27,2011, 5:42pm
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Remembering1975..
The posts you are responding to...are a year and a half old.
 
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CleverUsername is offline CleverUsername Post #42  January 27,2011, 5:52pm
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sweetgirl78 wrote :
He asked me for my number...
He asked to see me again...
I am so mad at myself because I'm not interested in him at all...
how do I decline the lunch date and let him know that I am not interested in seeing him without hurting his feelings?
First off, someone is digging up some old threads on here, but I'll add my thoughts anyway.

The first two questions are something in my mind not to ask on a first date. You never know what the other person is thinking, so in my mind the "date" is really just to give the two of you time. If you had fun then continue to communicate in the manner you did to setup the date - thanking the person for the date, explaining that you would be interested in meeting again. I go out of my way to make the other person doesn't feel pressured during or at the end of the first date. In fact I try to refrain from any contact at the end of the date (hug, kiss, helping find the other persons clothes - kidding!) so they don't feel uncomfortble pushing back if there is no interest.

As for how to tell him (I suspect you already have since this thread is over a year old) but in my mind, if someone is going to ask, they need to be prepared for any answer you give them. If put on the spot you could always say you want to think about it and you will email him later. Then the next day send him a quick note and say while you had fun on the date you just didn't feel a strong enough connection and wish him the best.
 
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Lorelei is offline Lorelei Post #43  May 27,2011, 6:25pm
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Just as a preface, I have gone on several "first dates" and didn't feel any "chemistry," so I never went out with the guys again. On occasion, I would run into said guy some time later, in different circumstances, and seen him in a new light, and wished I had given him more of a chance.

That being said, if you are sure you will not change your mind later, it is all right to send an email, as suggested by others. There is no easy way to reject someone, and doing it this way over that way will not make you the "winner" in his mind. Do it the most painless way possible to the adult male - send him a polite, no thank you email, and let that suffice. If he tries to argue you back into his life, ignore. I have a feeling he might not respect your rejection! Be prepared.
 
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Elizabeth_Bennett is offline Elizabeth_Bennett Post #44  May 27,2011, 10:40pm
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sweetgirl78 wrote :
I went on a date last night and I could tell that he was really into me, however, the feeling is not mutual. I am so mad at myself because I'm not interested in him at all but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He seemed very needy and pitiful. But now I created a "situation" and I didn't want for that to happen.


Sweetgirl, Don't beat yourself up for having compassion... I've been exactly where you are! For me, being "nice" and giving a guy another chance when we didn't click initially, has always been a mistake. It's created complications & expectations that wouldn't have arisen had I been more clear and firm right away.

Often, the least hurt occurs when we rip off the bandaid FAST & without HESITATION. (I'm speaking to myself as well, here)
If you don't trust yourself to be clear & firm in a telephone call (calling from a payphone perhaps), then do the EH or regular e-mail. Better that he knows right away.

something like, "Thank you, X, for the date. You are a nice guy, but I don't think we are suited for each other."

You definitely don't want to continue to "pity" date.
No one wants that. Well, he might, but you don't.

Best to you!
-Lizzie
 
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Elizabeth_Bennett is offline Elizabeth_Bennett Post #45  May 27,2011, 10:47pm
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
The words may be difficult to say but here they are... practice makes perfect... "Thank you for a nice time but I really don't think that we are a good match... Good luck... " If you don't hesitate and get the good luck in there fast enough, you won't have to explain yourself...
Really, Dennis?!!! Is the "Good luck" the all-purpose closer at the end of the difficult let-down, break-up, and "Sorry, Charlie" speeches?

Gosh, I hope so!
-Lizzie
 
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Boba is offline Boba Post #46  May 28,2011, 6:28am
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When that happens, I just don't answer my phone. I know it's cowardly, but I have a very hard time rejecting people. I would much rather be rejected 1000x, than to reject someone 1x.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #47  May 29,2011, 4:11pm
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sweetgirl78 wrote :
I went on a date last night and I could tell that he was really into me, however, the feeling is not mutual. We had a nice date and he was a very sweet man, I just didn't feel that spark with him. He kept asking me if I was having fun and if I was enjoying his company. I said I was having a nice time. I didn't gush over him, but I wanted to be polite. He asked me for my number and I didn't want to give it to him, so I told him I would call him. He asked to see me again and I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't interested, so I agreed to lunch during the week (thinking maybe I should give him another date to decide how I feel about him). I am so mad at myself because I'm not interested in him at all but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He seemed very needy and pitiful. But now I created a "situation" and I didn't want for that to happen. So my question is, how do I decline the lunch date and let him know that I am not interested in seeing him without hurting his feelings? I have been hurt by this sort of thing in the past and it is the reason I want to do this in the nicest most respectful way I can, but I'm not sure how to do this. My other question is, do I call him (my number is blocked) and talk directly to him or do I send him a message through EH. I thought the right thing to do would be to call him, but what do you all think? I apologize for the childish question. I know I didn't handle this well at all and I feel terrible about it! I am very backward with this and I appreciate any advice you can offer me. :-)
Next time just say, "I like you and enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think this is a love connection for me. Thanks anyway."

That way he isn't hanging in limbo and you aren't on the hook for a date with someone you are uninterested in.

***
I would refrain from saying you are a nice guy. People seem to really hate that.
Last edited by nightling; May 29,2011 at 4:18pm. Reason: dang! Caught by an old post!
 
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