How do you nicely tell a guy you are not interested in a second date?


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Ssusprina is offline Ssusprina Post #31  August 25,2009, 8:25pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If you were one of my matches you would have just poofed.

However, an e-mail will be sufficient. You can be factual and state that there was no "chemistry" or that you don't think that you are a good match.
Poof on you... no way!

Gotta agree, best way is to just be honest. Leave a note, tell them straight out. I dont want to be left hanging... why do it to someone else .
Last edited by Ssusprina; August 25,2009 at 8:26pm. Reason: spellling
 
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DanielJr82 is offline DanielJr82 Post #32  August 25,2009, 9:05pm
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Don't beat around the bush. Just be honest with him. He needs to man up, I guess.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #33  August 27,2009, 8:34pm
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You'll gain experience over time. I used to do the same, feel guilty about rejecting people, but not anymore.

It saves everyone time.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #34  August 27,2009, 10:08pm
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It's not always possible to turn someone down without hurting his feelings, if your perception of his neediness is accurate then he is likely to be hurt by the rejection no matter how politely you put it.
At the end of the day you can only do so much, be polite in saying that you're not really interested and don't think a second date is a good idea, if he is hurt by that then harsh as it may sound that's his problem, not yours. As long as you're not nasty about it then you've done all you reasonably can.
 
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nishatika is offline nishatika Post #35  September 10,2009, 9:35am
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EMail him. we all get that email now and then , and the men are used to it.
You had a great time, he is a great guy, you do not feel the chemistry is there, and then wish him good luck on his search!
Short, polite and simple and to the point!
He doesn't have your number, so no big deal, then close the match!
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #36  September 10,2009, 12:16pm
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It will not be possible to tell him without hurting his feelings. Just accept that. All you have to do is say, "I'm not interested in you and will not be meeting you for lunch." Don't tell him he's great, don't tell him you had a nice time, don't wish him luck and don't come up with an excuse or justification. This is not rude. You said nothing negative about him.

If that hurts him, then it hurts him. Rather than concentrate on how bad he will feel, concentrate on how good you will feel to be rid of him.
 
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UVACav is offline UVACav Post #37  September 10,2009, 2:52pm
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To the women: How would you handle it if the guy asked you out again, but was clear that, since you just met, no thank you would not create an awkward situation. I'm in this situation right now where I think i'm being blown off but, when I make it easy for her to make an exit, shes not taking it. I can't tell if it's disinterest or shyness....
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #38  September 10,2009, 3:20pm
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Mainah64 wrote :
Be direct, honest, and say it soon. I guess a quick email would be fine and if you are still finding it difficult, throw in some fluff as to how he is a nice guy, etc, but add that you are sure that you aren't a match.
Whatever you do, don't tell him he's a nice guy. His brain will twist that into the reason that you're not interested, and he'll start whining about how women don't want nice guys.

Just politely tell him you don't think the two of you are a match. Keep it short and simple.

Stating it as not being a match also keeps it completely free of any implication that something is wrong with him or it's his fault. An insecure person would completely latch on to the slightest thing that might seem like blame (even if that's not how you intend it). So just don't go there.
 
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Remembering1975 is offline Remembering1975 Post #39  January 27,2011, 6:29pm
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sweetgirl78 wrote :
I went on a date last night and I could tell that he was really into me, however, the feeling is not mutual. We had a nice date and he was a very sweet man, I just didn't feel that spark with him. He kept asking me if I was having fun and if I was enjoying his company. I said I was having a nice time. I didn't gush over him, but I wanted to be polite. He asked me for my number and I didn't want to give it to him, so I told him I would call him. He asked to see me again and I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't interested, so I agreed to lunch during the week (thinking maybe I should give him another date to decide how I feel about him). I am so mad at myself because I'm not interested in him at all but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He seemed very needy and pitiful. But now I created a "situation" and I didn't want for that to happen. So my question is, how do I decline the lunch date and let him know that I am not interested in seeing him without hurting his feelings? I have been hurt by this sort of thing in the past and it is the reason I want to do this in the nicest most respectful way I can, but I'm not sure how to do this. My other question is, do I call him (my number is blocked) and talk directly to him or do I send him a message through EH. I thought the right thing to do would be to call him, but what do you all think? I apologize for the childish question. I know I didn't handle this well at all and I feel terrible about it! I am very backward with this and I appreciate any advice you can offer me. :-)


tell him straight that you appreciate his kind interest but you are not a match for him. good bye .
 
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Remembering1975 is offline Remembering1975 Post #40  January 27,2011, 6:31pm
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UVACav wrote :
To the women: How would you handle it if the guy asked you out again, but was clear that, since you just met, no thank you would not create an awkward situation. I'm in this situation right now where I think i'm being blown off but, when I make it easy for her to make an exit, shes not taking it. I can't tell if it's disinterest or shyness....
Mabye shyness - give it time.
 
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