Do I have to call him back?


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Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #1  August 1,2009, 6:27am
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Ok, my first time posting a new thread, bear with me. I had connected with a guy on another dating site about 2 weeks ago. We talked on the phone a few times but due to circumstances, his availability & my availability, we had no time to plan a date until this afternoon. I wanted it to be just coffee but he wanted coffee then drinks then dinner then an outdoor concert, etc. all in the same day, and I kept saying "let's just see how coffee goes" but trying to stay positive. Anyway, he was fine with that.

Well last Wednesday, he went sorta psycho-stalker on me over the phone and it left a REAL bad taste in my mouth. I had called him the day before and told him I wouldn't be able to talk that night because I was having dinner with friends and that I'd also be busy on Wednesday with my daughter, but I'll call him after so we can catch up about our week, etc. and plan Saturday. He called me, during dinner, totally down in the dumps, asking me why I was blowing him off, demanding to know what was wrong...just real crazy. I convinced him he must have misunderstood me but the crazy seed was already planted, if you know what I mean.

Long story short, I called him last night, got his v.m., and cancelled today's date. I had to go with my gut here. I didn't want to leave it all on v.m. but since the date was early today, and I was unreachable for the rest of the night last night, I had no choice. I woke up to a v.m. from him wanting me to call him back and tell him what went wrong, why I'm doing this, I thought we had something special, etc. I don't think I owe him any further explanations since A) I don't owe him anything period since we had never met and only shared a handful of phone calls & B) I already told him why on his v.m.

And just for information sake, what I said on his v.m. was that Wednesday's phone call left me wondering if meeting was the best thing to do. I said I'm sorry he had misunderstood my message to him the night before but the way he went about questioning me just seemed inappropriate considering we've never met. I thought it was ok.

So....do I need to call him back or let it go and be grateful I dodged a needy, obsessive, insecure bullet? I know how the conversation will go if I call. He'll keep wanting to know why even though I'll give him the same answers as last night.

Girls, what would you do and guys, put on your needy, obsessive & insecure hats and tell me what you'd expect. Thanks.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #2  August 1,2009, 6:39am
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This guy sounds like he has issues stemming from previous relationships and has a load of baggage.

No, you don't have to call him back. I would ignor any further calls from this emotionally ill person. Be thankfull that he doesn't know where you live.
Last edited by DennisWisconsin; August 1,2009 at 6:39am. Reason: Because it's edit day...
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  August 1,2009, 6:47am
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I expect people to do what they say they will do.
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BelieverinKY is offline BelieverinKY Post #4  August 1,2009, 6:47am
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Not only do you not have to, I would advise against it. Clingy, insecure, medicated (or lack thereof) are some things that come to mind. Move on and do not answer any of his attempts to contact you.
 
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Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #5  August 1,2009, 6:55am
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Just as I thought.......
Last edited by Snick8699; August 1,2009 at 7:10am. Reason: dunno....didn't post the first time and won't let me delete!
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #6  August 1,2009, 7:00am
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[quote=D_Lion;694766]I expect people to do what they say they will do.
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Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #7  August 1,2009, 7:01am
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Thank you guys so much for not only reading my lengthy post but for taking the time to reply. My gut has rarely let me down and I know I made the right choice. I don't have it in me to prolong the agony. Since posting, he has called me again and I hit the "ignore" button. I think my greatest fault is being too accommodating to the other person and that opens me up to people like him. My friends were telling me I didn't even have to give him the explanations I did last night on the v.m. but that's just me. Thanks again and yes, I am glad he doesn't know where I live. Now let's hope he's not a Google Master. I have an uncommon first name, it shouldn't be too hard to find me.
 
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Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #8  August 1,2009, 7:02am
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Dennis, we haven't even had the first date yet. I have not met him face to face! So I'd say 2 chill pills are required.
 
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yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #9  August 1,2009, 7:10am
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Snick8699 wrote :
Thank you guys so much for not only reading my lengthy post but for taking the time to reply. My gut has rarely let me down and I know I made the right choice. I don't have it in me to prolong the agony. Since posting, he has called me again and I hit the "ignore" button. I think my greatest fault is being too accommodating to the other person and that opens me up to people like him. My friends were telling me I didn't even have to give him the explanations I did last night on the v.m. but that's just me. Thanks again and yes, I am glad he doesn't know where I live. Now let's hope he's not a Google Master. I have an uncommon first name, it shouldn't be too hard to find me.
Snick, sounds like you made the right decision. If he got that upset and clingy that early on then heaven knows what he would do down the road. Listen to your gut. I think women tend not to do that and try to be nice and accommodating even when the situation doesn't call for it. I think you acted appropriately.
 
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #10  August 1,2009, 7:15am
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I think you dodged a bullet on this one.

Having never met him, he's gotten too overly involved already.

I JUST went through this, this week. The guy was planning which CLOSET I would have in his new house, just from our phone call. I made the mistake of going ahead and meeting him, and he continued the fast-forward, instant-relationship planning all night. I kept saying, "Can we just have a date on Sat. night?", just to get to know each other. And he would say ok, and launch into what kinds of trips he was going to take me on, and that he wanted me to meet his son on our next date.

He called me the next morning at 8:30, which I ignored. He called again later that night, and I picked up and told him we were just not going to be a match. He said, "Fine!", and hung up.

Yes, girl, you dodged a bullet.
 
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