Why does he keep viewing me if he's not interested?


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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #1  July 31,2009, 7:22pm
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I posted this on another thread, in response to a post. But I'd like some feedback directly.

Met a guy, great chemistry, talked for 4 hours, closed the place down. The kind of chemistry where they're stacking up the chairs around you and you don't even realize it.

He mentions several times about getting together again, walks me to my car, asks me for a hug. When I get home, there are already 2 emails from him, telling me what a great time he had, how much better I looked in person, etc. I email him back, thanking him for dinner, telling him what a great time I, too, had.

It's now 5 days, and not a peep.

He's been very active on match (the site where we met), and he just updated his profile on another site we're both on (he had removed his for a month prior to meeting me, but he just reactivated it, and added a photo).

But, he's viewed my profile every day. It keeps coming to the top of my "viewed" list. Also, he has had me listed as a favorite, and he still has me on his favorites list.

But not a peep.

Either:

1) He's just not that into me. But why does he keep viewing my profile?

Or,

2)does he think I'm not into him? When he mentioned getting together again, I didn't respond with "oh that would be great" or anything; I just smiled and figured he'd know what I meant (yeah, dumb). In my response to his email, I thanked him for a great dinner, but said I enjoyed the company more, and I said that I had a great time and had never had such fun trading stories (we laughed till we hurt). But I didn't say, I'd love to see you again, or anything like that.

But guys always call or email me again anyway if they're interested, just to see. I mean, even the ones I've shown zero interest in, have always asked me out again. So I'm baffled.

I get it, I need to move ON. But why did this happen, with the only guy I've felt this kind of chemistry with? (Don't want to overanalyze, just want some feedback to help me with closure).
 
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roguewolf1 is offline roguewolf1 Post #2  July 31,2009, 7:37pm

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For the same reason women do it to men. Deal with it and move on.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #3  July 31,2009, 7:39pm
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It sounds like he is trying to keep his options open.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #4  July 31,2009, 7:39pm
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I think you made a mistake not to express interest in seeing him again. Personally I set up a second meeting during the first, and I like to see active participation from the woman in that process. You could come up with a second meeting and invite him.
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ZisaGirl is offline ZisaGirl Post #5  July 31,2009, 7:51pm
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He never actually asked to see me again, just made comments like "the next time we see each other, we can do....xyz". He never asked if I wanted to do anything, and he never paused to even see if I'd respond.

I always like it when, at the end of the date, the guy asks about seeing each other again. At that time, I always say something very positive & encouraging so he knows I'm interested.

I guess it's the age-old story of where 2 people are out with each other, having very different experiences. But boy, he sure acted like he was interested. Maybe he just acts like that with everyone.

Dating is so confusing.
 
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followmesky is offline followmesky Post #6  July 31,2009, 8:04pm
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waltercl wrote :
It sounds like he is trying to keep his options open.
I agree, I think he is keeping his options open. Why else would he regularly check your profile. I don't think you made a mistake, you were honest. Perhaps, he's the one over analyzing and holding back.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #7  July 31,2009, 11:44pm
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As you say, you didn't respond to his query about a second date or mention wanting to see him again in your mail. If i got something like that from someone i'd just had a date with i'd be looking for the "But..."
He probably thinks you're not at all interested, he figures he just got a "Dear John" and doesn't want to hear it confirmed outright if he asks again, so left it as a nice memory.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #8  August 1,2009, 5:12am
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ZisaGirl wrote :
I get it, I need to move ON. But why did this happen, with the only guy I've felt this kind of chemistry with? (Don't want to overanalyze, just want some feedback to help me with closure).
You made the mistake that so many make. My take on this is that you both over did it on the first date... you peaked to soon as it were. His two emails after this date prove it. Now he feels over involved.

Advice: Keep first dates short (no matter how good a time you are having.) If you like someone it's O.K. to extend the date but don't over do it.
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; August 1,2009 at 5:16am. Reason: I predicted that I would edit this!
 
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Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #9  August 1,2009, 5:46am
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Question...have you emailed him? I think by you simply smiling at him when he mentioned a 2nd date, he thought you were being polite because you weren't interested. So to save face, he's letting you be but it seems he may be interested and that's why he's checking you out still. By seeing your profile still there, he's assuming you're not dating anyone seriously yet and is "keeping his options open". If you like him and enjoyed the date, send him an email. It's 2009, us women haven't held back for years. Ask him how's he's doing, etc., and tell him you still laugh about certain things said and casually mention "maybe we could meet up again sometime". See what happens. If he doesn't bite, throw him on ignore so he can't keep checking you out and move on.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  August 1,2009, 6:10am
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ZisaGirl wrote :
I posted this on another thread, in response to a post. But I'd like some feedback directly.

Met a guy, great chemistry, talked for 4 hours, closed the place down. The kind of chemistry where they're stacking up the chairs around you and you don't even realize it.

He mentions several times about getting together again, walks me to my car, asks me for a hug. When I get home, there are already 2 emails from him, telling me what a great time he had, how much better I looked in person, etc. I email him back, thanking him for dinner, telling him what a great time I, too, had.

It's now 5 days, and not a peep.

He's been very active on match (the site where we met), and he just updated his profile on another site we're both on (he had removed his for a month prior to meeting me, but he just reactivated it, and added a photo).

But, he's viewed my profile every day. It keeps coming to the top of my "viewed" list. Also, he has had me listed as a favorite, and he still has me on his favorites list.

But not a peep.

Either:

1) He's just not that into me. But why does he keep viewing my profile?

Or,

2)does he think I'm not into him? When he mentioned getting together again, I didn't respond with "oh that would be great" or anything; I just smiled and figured he'd know what I meant (yeah, dumb). In my response to his email, I thanked him for a great dinner, but said I enjoyed the company more, and I said that I had a great time and had never had such fun trading stories (we laughed till we hurt). But I didn't say, I'd love to see you again, or anything like that.

But guys always call or email me again anyway if they're interested, just to see. I mean, even the ones I've shown zero interest in, have always asked me out again. So I'm baffled.

I get it, I need to move ON. But why did this happen, with the only guy I've felt this kind of chemistry with? (Don't want to overanalyze, just want some feedback to help me with closure).
Girl I will put this very succinctly, you have been playing games with this guy. There is nothing in your words or actions that would lead ME to think that you were interested in ME and being anything other than polite.

If you were truly interested in him, when he ask you if you would like to go out again you should have stated yes. What do you do, you smile. I would read that as "she isn't really all that interested, she may go out again if she doesn't have anything better to do". In replying to his e-mail you had another opportunity to show solid interest yet once again the message you sent was no interest just polite.

Since he seems to be interested in you by viewing your profile repeatedly, if you wish to try and salvage this you can contact him and admit that you may have not been sending the proper signals but would like to go out with him again. Of course if you are going to be playing games and trying to be coy at the very beginning I would personally not expect that things would get any better as the relationship went on and that I would always be wondering if I was reading your mind correctly. I would just figure dating you would be too much trouble and find a girl that would openly and honestly communicate with me.

Let the flames begin, everyone knows that women never play games or screw up it is only guys that do that.
 
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