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nelsonmay nelsonmay is offline
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You Know,

You may have forgiven, but you can't forget. Sometimes that is a good trait to have. Trust your gut on this one, you body or brain, whatever you want to call your gut sometimes knows the situation in an unconscious level better than you do.
- August 7th, 2009, 11:37 pm
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lifelover lifelover is offline
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Here is my 2 cents worth...there are many things in life which I may see as deserving a second chance ~ I thought that cheating would be one thing I would never consider a second chance, however I "gave" my ex a second chance after the discovery of her cheating-she agreed that she wanted the marriage to work and grow old together, so into counseling we went since we both wanted the relationship to work...or so I was led to believe.

It is my humble belief that we all take part in the dance of any relationship, any communication or interaction with another person and hence due to this belief there is mutual responsibility to outcomes of any interactions. All of this being said, I have to disagree with what has been said that a person cheats within a relationship due to unhappiness and behavioral therapy or cognitive restructuring will "fix" the issue or the person who cheats within a committed relationship.

The reasons a person decides, and it is a conscious decision, to cheat (either sexually or emotionally) within a committed relationship is grossly multifaceted. Therefore, it may benefit you to look at all the known issues, as well as, part of the dance you participated-however, don't blame yourself for the actions of another, if you do so, it will allow the person who cheated to use you as an excuse and not accept their own responsibility in making their decision. Ultimately it is a personal decision to provide a second chance, but only do so after looking within yourself to assess the level and impact to you that the cheating or other actions had upon your life, it the actions violated a deep and treasured value you hold.

I agree with saltndlight's response-there is no excuse to being unfaithful-however, being human means that mistakes will take place and only you can decide based on your values and beliefs if a second chance is warranted. I provided my ex with a second chance-obviously, she is my ex so it ultimately did not work (she cheated again) and as I found out lied during our therapy. It would have been less painful for me to have ended it earlier, however, I was in love- the bottom line from my point of view, you have to do what you believe is best for you and what ever decision you make, be okay with whatever the outcome may be.
- August 8th, 2009, 04:09 pm
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ashleys1 ashleys1 is offline
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Possibly being late for a date or forgetting if an emergency arrives, no one can help that.
Probably lots of things are forgiven but much less is not forgiven. The no excuse things, one should just say, I can't make it or never will, or be gentle, saying, I'm sorry but this just isn't right for me. Ok, that happens.
- August 9th, 2009, 11:02 pm
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Angelwing Angelwing is offline
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I personally would not put up with that. I have given second chances with cheating before because I truly did love the man that cheated BUT it has been my experience that if they do it once....the WILL do it again. I had to come to the place where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I deserved better than that. For me and where I am at in my own life and journey, there are a few things that are deal breakers for me..... cheating is a deal breaker and not something that I will even discuss. If I am in a relationship and my partner is unfaithful, I am done....period...no disussion...no excuses.....just done. No one can tell you how to handle the situation in your own life. I would take a good look at how you feel about what has transpired and ask yourself if this is something that you can deal with. Knowing that it WILL likely happen again, move forward in whatever way you feel is right for you but know that the chances of it happening again are pretty high. ....hope this helps.

--AngelWing
- August 13th, 2009, 08:26 am
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Girl_in_the_Green_Scarf Girl_in_the_Green_Scarf is offline
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Its simple when you put it in terms of percentages. He had 80% with you. He had love, laughter, stability, etc. but that wasn't enought for him. He wanted 100%, he wanted it all and since no one is perfect, he went looking for the remaining 20% and found it in your co-worker. Now this is nothing to say bad about you, he's just greedy. So now he realizes what he has, and that's next to nothing, 0%, and wants the 80% back. In terms of not indulging greed or stupidity, do not give this man a second chance.
1) It will not be the same, you know that; 2) because you will always associate him with cheating, even if you put demands on him, you will always be wondering. That'll drive you both nuts, and it will end anyways.
Do what other are suggesting...go out with friends and fill your time with things that you enjoy (that maybe you had to "give up" when you were with him). Trust me, been there done that. Don't repeat my mistake.
- August 13th, 2009, 10:58 am
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vewis41 vewis41 is offline
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I was married for almost 25 years and he cheated on me I got out of there so fast your head would spend. Maybe it was because I thought more of myself ( I don't really believe that but I tell myself that) a friend of mine went through the same thing only he walked in on them I'm glad that wasn't me. Now for you no don't go back, there are no guarantees in life I know so what happens if he is tempted again. It is your decision but ask yourself one question, can I trust him? With what you are already going thru I don't think you can. Good Luck I hope everything works out for you and you find Mr Right.
- August 14th, 2009, 04:45 pm
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