Long Distance Question...WHO PAYS?


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carose is offline carose Post #1  July 30,2009, 11:59am
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I am a lady and concerned about who should pay for travel? He has invited me to come see him. Is it wrong for me to expect him to fly me there? AND book me a hotel? At least for this first trip...

Any feedback on Long Distance relationships would be appreciated.
We have been in OC for a month and really like eachother - daily communications - The trip is a short flight within the state.

Thank you everybody!
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  July 30,2009, 12:09pm
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If he doesn't volunteer to pay your way there, pay it yourself. He should take care of any expenses during your visit with him.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #3  July 30,2009, 12:15pm
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Well, i paid for the flight when i went to Canada to meet someone, she insisted on paying for a romantic dinner at a hotel.

I guess the question is really do you want to go? And if so what expectations does who pays for what put on things? There are nice guys out there who would pay and think nothing more about it, but then there are others who would think paying for a flight gives them ownership while you're there.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  July 30,2009, 12:26pm
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Who makes more money? Being a guy I would of course except to generally always pay for the air fare to fly someone to come see me and obviously I would pay it if I flew to go see her. However, if she made more money than me it wouldn't be so unreasonable for her to offer and me except though I certainly would not expect it either way.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  July 30,2009, 12:50pm
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Very good point below, Find out the expectations on both sides including, did he offer to pay? or do you just think he should?
gothustartus wrote :
Well, i paid for the flight when i went to Canada to meet someone, she insisted on paying for a romantic dinner at a hotel.
I guess the question is really do you want to go? And if so what expectations does who pays for what put on things? There are nice guys out there who would pay and think nothing more about it, but then there are others who would think paying for a flight gives them ownership while you're there.
 
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carose is offline carose Post #6  July 30,2009, 12:57pm
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He has not offered to pay and his invitations have been included, "when are you coming?" "You should be here right now..." etc.

Somehow I feel like it is a measure of how much he likes me and wants to see me AND it is a test of his gentleman-ness/classyness. Like Stevex mentioned, he makes more money. I am a single mom and throwing down a couple hundred bucks is a definite hardship. I feel bad bringing up finances though and I would spend the money in a heartbeat because I really like him, but I don't want to waste the money if he isn't that into me... See my dilemma!
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #7  July 30,2009, 1:29pm
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carose wrote :
He has not offered to pay and his invitations have been included, "when are you coming?" "You should be here right now..." etc.

Somehow I feel like it is a measure of how much he likes me and wants to see me AND it is a test of his gentleman-ness/classyness. Like Stevex mentioned, he makes more money. I am a single mom and throwing down a couple hundred bucks is a definite hardship. I feel bad bringing up finances though and I would spend the money in a heartbeat because I really like him, but I don't want to waste the money if he isn't that into me... See my dilemma!
So then maybe you say something like, "I'd love to be there with you, but it's just not something that is financially feasible for me right now, as I have a responsibility to my family before anything else." In my eyes, he should already realize that you have greater financial obligations knowing that you are a single mother, and if he's not willing to help you pay for your trip, he shouldn't be pushing you to be there.
 
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anniej is offline anniej Post #8  July 30,2009, 1:41pm
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Guess both of you would have to openly discuss the matter. It's best to avoid assumptions.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #9  July 30,2009, 1:50pm
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carose wrote :
He has not offered to pay and his invitations have been included, "when are you coming?" "You should be here right now..." etc.

Somehow I feel like it is a measure of how much he likes me and wants to see me AND it is a test of his gentleman-ness/classyness. Like Stevex mentioned, he makes more money. I am a single mom and throwing down a couple hundred bucks is a definite hardship. I feel bad bringing up finances though and I would spend the money in a heartbeat because I really like him, but I don't want to waste the money if he isn't that into me... See my dilemma!
In this case, you have to politely tell him that you can't afford it at this time. If he doesn't offer after that or won't come and see you than it probably isn't going to work out. Depends where his priorities are.

I have talked about on here before a girl I have known for about 3 years or so. She lives in Maryland (and currently in the process of moving to New Jersey for school). I have considered a long distance relationship with her, she is a great person and I love our conversations and feel we would make a good couple. However, how much reality sucks, I have avoided it as I would be lucky to see her every month. I work for a non-profit, and while being single I do fairly well for myself flying isn't cheap. Obviously she couldn't afford to come see me so if I wanted her to come see me I would have pay for it .

My point of bringing up my own story is to say that her and I thought about the logistics and despite the fact that we could have an amazing relationship we both felt we should meet people where things are a bit different.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #10  July 30,2009, 2:10pm
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In my LDR (over 2 years now) I have always paid for my own travel (UK/USA), I pay half the hotel bill if we stay somewhere, half the groceries if I stay at his house, half the restaurant bills. I have insisted doing so from the beginning. I fly out about every 2 months but it's worth every penny.
 
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