Is the first date to soon for sex?


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Butterfly151 is offline Butterfly151 Post #1  July 30,2009, 10:46am
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Hi,
I have been chatting on the phone with this guy for a little while (we don't live in the same city) and by the time we meet for the first time face to face it will be close to a month since we were matched on EH. He has been more than clear that he is interested in intimacy and so I am, I like the guy, but would it be too soon on our first face to face date? Sure, a guy will tell a girl anything to get in her pants, but when do you know if he really is into you and wants intimacy because he really likes you and wants to get to know you at another level and not just casual sex? HELP!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  July 30,2009, 10:59am
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He (and you) have made it clear to each other that you want intimacy right away, before getting to know each other, so, is that "casual sex" to you? If he wants to "get to know you on another level"
He would want to do things that indicate this "other level", such as have a real date, rather than a hook-up that you clearly stated to him you are interested in.
Butterfly151 wrote :
Hi,
I have been chatting on the phone with this guy for a little while (we don't live in the same city) and by the time we meet for the first time face to face it will be close to a month since we were matched on EH. He has been more than clear that he is interested in intimacy and so I am, I like the guy, but would it be too soon on our first face to face date? Sure, a guy will tell a girl anything to get in her pants, but when do you know if he really is into you and wants intimacy because he really likes you and wants to get to know you at another level and not just casual sex? HELP!
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #3  July 30,2009, 11:09am
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I would go on the date, see how it goes. If the same spark isn't there I would leave it at that. If you are attracted to him and both of you are ready to have sex than for it.
 
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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #4  July 30,2009, 11:19am
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If you are looking for a long term relationship then I would advise again it on the first date, second date, third date, fourth date, etc. There is nothing wrong with sex on the first date if that is what you can be comfortable with after the fact. If a relationship starts out on that foot, what is there to look forward to-you miss all the fun of the initial dates, weeks, chemistry, etc.
 
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pds857 is offline pds857 Post #5  July 30,2009, 11:23am
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OK, Sometimes when you meet someone online, things are left out, things are lied about, an sometimes you might have pictured things in a completely different way.

If you read through these forums, you'll find that many people go on the first date, an find someone totally different than what was presented to them online and over the phone.
This person may have used old pictures, or presented himself in a way that would be more appealing to you in general.

My advice is to take it slow. Dont make any promises, if you want to 'take it to the next level' try meeting face to face. That IS the next step when it comes to these things.

Above all else, Be Careful. Jus cause he seems like a nice fella dont mean that he really is a nice fella.
 
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Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #6  July 30,2009, 11:41am
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1passionatefem wrote :
If you are looking for a long term relationship then I would advise again it on the first date, second date, third date, fourth date, etc. There is nothing wrong with sex on the first date if that is what you can be comfortable with after the fact. If a relationship starts out on that foot, what is there to look forward to-you miss all the fun of the initial dates, weeks, chemistry, etc.
I agree that if you want a long term relationship starting off with having sex right off the bat is ill advised. I believe the way you start off a relationship, marriage, whatever -that is the way it will also end. If you start off just with sex, IMO the relationship is about sex and nothing else because you don't even know each other.
 
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Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #7  July 30,2009, 11:47am
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I have another question on this note. I love sex just as much as the next person - I love the physical contact. But what is the rush to have sex before you know someone? Maybe I am just cookey - but don't you want to know the person you are letting into your personal space like that???

As a woman, sex is an emotional thing for me. I have to feel a connection with the person I am intimate with. I am not saying that I have to be necessarily "in love" but I do have to really like who the person is. I can't just act like a machine and have sex with someone and I know nothing to very little about him.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #8  July 30,2009, 12:28pm
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Well, sometimes a date can go so amazingly well that the flow of things can draw you much further than you'd ever intended to go, but to go into it expecting that kind of intimacy without even knowing if you really connect in any real way? That's not a good idea, it pretty much says everything that needs to be said for how the rest of the relationship will go, instant gratification or goodbye.

How do you know that he really likes you and just wants to take it to the next level? It's your first date, the next level is your second date, not getting between the sheets. Anyone who isn't interested in putting in the time that dating takes is looking for casual sex, he just doesn't like hookers.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  July 30,2009, 12:35pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Butterfly151 wrote :
Hi,
I have been chatting on the phone with this guy for a little while (we don't live in the same city) and by the time we meet for the first time face to face it will be close to a month since we were matched on EH. He has been more than clear that he is interested in intimacy and so I am, I like the guy, but would it be too soon on our first face to face date? Sure, a guy will tell a girl anything to get in her pants, but when do you know if he really is into you and wants intimacy because he really likes you and wants to get to know you at another level and not just casual sex? HELP!
Well....you could have sex with him and see if he disappears immediately afterward. But, I guess you mean how can you know ahead of time.

The thing is, you've identified a possible negative - that he is just looking to 'get into your pants'. What is the negative of not having sex on the first date? Just that you don't want to delay your own gratification. Not wanting or being able to wait for things we want does have it's down side.

Really, I think this reflects something that wreaks a lot of havoc in a lot of people's lives. The attitude that because I want to or feel like doing something that is a justification for doing it.
Last edited by jayjay; July 30,2009 at 12:37pm.
 
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Butterfly151 is offline Butterfly151 Post #10  July 30,2009, 12:46pm
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Thank you guys!! Reading both female and male point of views I think it is a good idea to go with my gut instinct (instead of my hormonal instinct) which is to wait, after all, if we really like each other once we meet he won't have a problem waiting until we know more about each other.
 
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