He's just not that into me?


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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #11  July 30,2009, 10:58am
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Nothing to see here at all...

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timeless2 wrote :
Don't hold your breath...
Why would I even consider causing myself permanent brain and other organ damage, especially with a doctor in the thread?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #12  July 30,2009, 11:06am
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[quote=IcecreamMoon;692203]
I'm not a doctor, but I dated one in a very similar situation in the past. I can only suggest that if you can't handle this kind of dating scenario, you'd better get out of it now, before you both get hurt.

In my case, we both had very unpredictable work schedules, although mine has always been seasonal enough to predict. 80% of the plans we made were broken. Him calling me at 2am fom his hospital break room to play his violin for me into the phone was considered normal (and sounded horrendous, I might add ), as was my spending New Years Eve in the spare room on the phone, dealing with a work problem.

It was fun for a few months before it became unbearable - we were bickering and fighting most of the limited time we could spend together. I'm not sure what it was - the feelings were probably not strong enough, neither was the desire to make it work, or maybe we were simply too young and uncommitted to make a committment.

All I can say is that unless you are prepared to put up with a lot of unpredictability for a few years to come, I would not recommend you stay in this relationship.




Our Moon gives the best advice. That's why we feed her Ice Cream.
If your man plays the violin, give him another try.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #13  July 30,2009, 1:25pm
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NeedAnswers wrote :
Can someone shed some light as to how busy a doctor (fellow, just finished residency) should be? I've gone on 2 great dates with this guy and now haven't seen him for almost 2.5 weeks.

We've emailed/texted 2 or 3 times, very short, basic - both he and I have mentioned getting together, but there's never any definite plans and then it just kinda doesnt happen - he's at work or on call (and granted, I was out of town one weekend).

I absolutely want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt since I know it's an extremely demanding job, and frankly at my old job I used to work 80+ hours a week, so it's not like I don't understand. I think the thing that bugs me is that he still manages to find time to surf his online dating profiles (I can tell by last login date) but there's no time to just shoot me a "hey, how's it going" email? Or a quick call one night? I thought after residency life was supposed to at least get marginally better.

I wouldnt have a problem with his hours or his work if I knew that he liked me, but now it's like this grey area where I dont know if he's hiding behind "work" to either avoid me or date other girls. I know some of you are going to say "just talk to him," but I feel like 2 dates is kinda too early to start bugging him for attention, expecially since I know his job really could just be that demanding. What's reasonable here?
Well, I'm dating a doctor in her last year of residency, and I gotta tell you, it's tough! She works 80 hours a week, I only get to see her once a week , and it took us a while to coordinate our schedules.

But when we first started dating, after our fantastic first date, I called, and set up a time with her schedule. And then after our fantastic second date, I called, and set up a time with her schedule. And then... well, you get the idea.

I would say that texting him, hey, let's get together is not a good way to get a response. A better question is "What's your schedule like?" This either pins him down to a date where you can meet up, or if he dodges, it shows that he's not that into you. Personally, from what it sounds like, he's not that into you.
 
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Courtieur is offline Courtieur Post #14  July 30,2009, 3:06pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Being a doctor is exhausting work no matter what specialty you chose - physically as well as mentally. After seeing and talking to patients all day, you really don't want to speak to anyone - not even a person you like.

After just two dates it's simply too soon to tell what he thinks about you. Of course he is still exploring his options and you should be doing the same. I'd say go on with your life and if it's meant to be, you guys will figure it out and if not, oh well.
+1
love this response
 
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mylifesabeach is offline mylifesabeach Post #15  July 30,2009, 7:19pm
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NeedAnswers wrote :
I think the thing that bugs me is that he still manages to find time to surf his online dating profiles (I can tell by last login date) but there's no time to just shoot me a "hey, how's it going" email?
This is the key statement. It may not have much to do with you. The guy is probably just getting a little breathing room in his schedule after his residency and doesn't want to be tied down to anyone.

When I was working on my doctorate I was working as a teaching assistant and research assisstant and also trying to get my own research done. Trying to keep all the balls in the air so that I would stay on target to get out in 5 years and not loose any of my funding was very trying but I knew I was lucky to have it. I was exhausted and not very interested in dating. I lost a really good guy during that time and didn't even really care. I hardly noticed because I was too driven and exhausted to care much about my life outside of school/work.

So I got out with a great education all paid, great project, great prospects, great job offers but in the end, as one gets older one realizes that putting all the eggs in one basket is probably not the best course. In my case I suspect it had a lot to do with my simply not really wanting to commit. But I saw many people do the same as I did. It can become intoxicating to have all of these people supporting you, telling you your great, giving you funding etc etc and you can get kinda full of yourself too.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #16  July 30,2009, 8:12pm
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This is likely to be the norm for him no matter what stage he is in, in his career.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #17  July 30,2009, 8:39pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
This is likely to be the norm for him no matter what stage he is in, in his career.
It will not get better, unless he goes into a specialty where he never is called at night, can work four eight hour days, every patient is compliant and considerate, there are no trial attorneys, and he won't be working to the tune of a third party payor.

If anyone can ID such a specialty, please send me the training curriculum. My bags are packed.
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #18  July 30,2009, 9:28pm
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He's clearly not into you. Move on! Even if the problem was that he is just busy all the time it tells me HE JUST IS NOT AVAILABLE FOR DATING. So this question comes to mind. If you aren't available for dating or don't have the time for it then why bother signing up for internet dating. He probably has time for booty call but it is clear he either isn't available for you or he just isn't into you. Sorry Charlie....
 
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inn is offline inn Post #19  July 30,2009, 10:13pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
We make time for what is important to us. So there in is your answer: His work and continuing to surf his dating opportunities , not contacting or making plans with you. Please take the hint , move forward and start having a good time with someone else, If and when he finds time for you, he'll let you know. I agree with you, that asking him why or pestering him is pointless
Ditto. Well said Wiseman2.
 
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TropiLatinGirl is offline TropiLatinGirl Post #20  October 14,2009, 3:54pm
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If you're getting desperate after two and half whole weeks of waiting, knowing you were out of town one weekend.... you really need to move forward and forget about him. He's a young doctor and chances are he's not looking for a commited kind of relationship like the one it appears you crave. Go on with your life, meet new people, if he calls and you're still interested... you can date him then, but be prepared for he's crazy schedule and don't panic if he dissapears again.
 
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