Phone conversation indication of how 1st date goes?


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my5cents is offline my5cents Post #1  July 29,2009, 10:25pm
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I can't get over the fact that on all the internet dates I've gone on, that the first date goes like the phone conversation.
For example: The phone conversation has pauses, silences, or the person seems socially inept, and then on the date I get the same thing. I always give the person a chance to hopefully be better in person, but so far no one has proven me wrong.
I've also had phone conversations where it's fun, lively, and in person it's the same. I have a fun time and know that I can somewhat connect with the person.

Does this happen to you all? Have dates proven you wrong and I'm wondering if I should now accept dates or not based on the phone conversation.
 
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inn is offline inn Post #2  July 29,2009, 10:41pm
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I typically skip the call. I prefer to meet my match in person ASAP. I don't like to spend too much time with email or talking on the phone.
But then again, I don't think on-line dating is for me.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  July 30,2009, 1:27am
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my5cents wrote :
I can't get over the fact that on all the internet dates I've gone on, that the first date goes like the phone conversation.
For example: The phone conversation has pauses, silences, or the person seems socially inept, and then on the date I get the same thing. I always give the person a chance to hopefully be better in person, but so far no one has proven me wrong.
I've also had phone conversations where it's fun, lively, and in person it's the same. I have a fun time and know that I can somewhat connect with the person.

Does this happen to you all? Have dates proven you wrong and I'm wondering if I should now accept dates or not based on the phone conversation.

A very interesting observation... I've never noticed this tendency before, but you may be on to something here...

I think you should contact the authors of the New Dating Rules self-help book, so that they can incorporate your idea into their newly updated manual. You never know, you might even get some royalties out of it...

Just before you do though, you might consider finetuning your theory a little bit with a couple of points, something along the lines of this -

1. The first telephone conversation must be limited to strictly 2 minutes and 23 seconds to avoid too many socially inept pauses and silences.
2. If you don't like the sound of your potential date's voice on the phone, then you do not need to suffer the full 2 min and 23 sec of that converstaion at all. You can dump him/her immediately by hanging up without a word of explanation or even goodbye.
3. If your date passes the phone test, the first meeting should be scheduled to take place at the most expensive restaurant in town.
4. Send a spy to the restaurant appx. 30 min prior to the scheduled time to see in what vehicle your date arrives and carefully evaluate their driving skills.
6. Upon meeting your date at the restaurant, please check the fit and labels of their clothes and shoes.
7. Ask them to show you all their financial records and ask them how much money they brought with them.
8. Make sure they have enough money to pay for your meal or, at the very least, go for the ever-popular "Dutch Treat". If not, send them to the nearest ATM immediately.

If he or she has jumped through all of the above hoops from the one and only attempt they are allowed, and thereby satisfied all the important criteria, you can finally sit down at your table, take a sip of your beverage of choice, relax and start a pleasant conversation.

Earthly internet dating life is so deliciously good... Don't you agree?


Let me know how it all goes and I might introduce it at our next Dating Board Meeting on the Moon. Because at this stage we, the Lunatics, are completely clueless - we usually skip of the hoop jumping and try to understand that some people are more shy than others, or they may get a little nervous on the phone or even during the first few minutes of the first date with a stranger, so we simply try to cut them some slack instead of increasing the pressure, so as to minimize the potential awkwardness of socially inapt pauses and silences.


P.S. Those of you who took anything but the last paragraph of the above creation seriously, will have their Moon visas revoked. Your access to the Moon, as well as all flavors of Ice Cream, will be permanently denied! Serious considertaion is strongly advised before arriving at the appropriate decision for each individual earthy creature.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #4  July 30,2009, 2:38am
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my5cents wrote :
I can't get over the fact that on all the internet dates I've gone on, that the first date goes like the phone conversation.
For example: The phone conversation has pauses, silences, or the person seems socially inept, and then on the date I get the same thing. I always give the person a chance to hopefully be better in person, but so far no one has proven me wrong.
I've also had phone conversations where it's fun, lively, and in person it's the same. I have a fun time and know that I can somewhat connect with the person.

Does this happen to you all? Have dates proven you wrong and I'm wondering if I should now accept dates or not based on the phone conversation.
See, the thing is, your first phone conversation is actually your first date. You should try to make it easy to talk and listen, and have interesting things to say already (if you don't know any, make a list ahead of time). The phone conversation should let you know if you want to meet this person or not.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  July 30,2009, 4:56am
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Agree here. It is just another indicator. Just as the profile, photos and email all give you pieces of the puzzle. It is wise though, to not jump to conclusions base on these limited "pieces". You seem to have an open mind and benefit of the doubt approach, going for the odds that, in person, things will be different . This can be an asset, if you have the patience for it. Some just need to go through the "rule-this-out" process more quickly
Mr_Right wrote :
See, the thing is, your first phone conversation is actually your first date. You should try to make it easy to talk and listen, and have interesting things to say already (if you don't know any, make a list ahead of time). The phone conversation should let you know if you want to meet this person or not.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  July 30,2009, 5:37am
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I don't have my Matching turned on. So no phone conversations from eHA yet.

But way back in college a girlfriend set me up with a "blind date". He called me several nights before we met, and we talked for hours...

When we met, there was no chemistry. It was such a disappointment, even the conversation was difficult.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  July 30,2009, 6:02am
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Most of my first dates are setup through e-mail and there is no phone conversations prior to meeting.

Not exactly to the question of the OP but, I prefer to use e-mail in the early part of getting to know you because my memory is not so good and most of the information exchanged in early phone conversation gets all garbled in my mind. With e-mail I have a written record of things like how many children, where you grew up, how long you have lived in my town, etc. that I can refer back to.

To the question if you should be more open to going out with someone who you did not have good initial phone conversation with. YES. You will never be able to judge "chemistry" except in person. People can be much different in person than they are via e-mail or the phone. And the longer you spend e-mailing and talking on the phone the more likely you will build up a fantasy of the person, so you should try and meet within a week or two after beginning Open Communication. This of course may not apply for LDRs.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  July 30,2009, 6:19am
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my5cents wrote :
I can't get over the fact that on all the internet dates I've gone on, that the first date goes like the phone conversation.
For example: The phone conversation has pauses, silences, or the person seems socially inept, and then on the date I get the same thing. I always give the person a chance to hopefully be better in person, but so far no one has proven me wrong.
I've also had phone conversations where it's fun, lively, and in person it's the same. I have a fun time and know that I can somewhat connect with the person.

Does this happen to you all? Have dates proven you wrong and I'm wondering if I should now accept dates or not based on the phone conversation.
It happens every so often, but for the most part I've found that it does not hold true enough to become a rule. I've had great conversations over the phone and date was a dud due to no chemistry and vice versa, difficult phone conversations and fantastic fun dates because in person the chemistry was there. In other words, on the phone the person would have to be pretty severely bad for me to rule them out.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #9  July 30,2009, 12:27pm
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The pauses and miscommunications in a pre-date first phone call are to be expected...there is some nervousness, and you can't tell when that person is going to speak because you can't see them. So I don't think this is indicative of what a date will entail.

However, if there is arguing or other mean-spiritedness during that conversation, I do think that may be a red flag.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  July 30,2009, 12:35pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Agree here. It is just another indicator. Just as the profile, photos and email all give you pieces of the puzzle. It is wise though, to not jump to conclusions base on these limited "pieces". You seem to have an open mind and benefit of the doubt approach, going for the odds that, in person, things will be different . This can be an asset, if you have the patience for it. Some just need to go through the "rule-this-out" process more quickly
Eh, back when I was searching, there were women who I closed based on the phone call (yes, I have the horror stories to prove it).

Usually though, if you just talk to them as if they're a normal person, things will go well, and then at the end of the call you can say something like "So, what's your schedule like this weekend?" (which implies that they'll say yes... hey, I have all sorts of stuff in my bag-o-tricks ).

One thing that does help is if you have general ideas on where you'd like to take the other person if the call goes well, so you can make specific plans then.
 
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