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fool4love628 fool4love628 is offline
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Hey everyone, just wanted to get some quick opinions on a situation. I got to open communication with a match who said she wasn't good at writing, so I gave her my phone number. She texted and asked if we could text for a little while instead of chatting on the phone. We've been texting for a couple of weeks, so I asked if we could meet. She lives an hour and a half away. She said sure, but she was going to bring a friend along. I offered to wait until we got to know each other better and she was comfortable meeting alone and emphasized wanting to meet somewhere very open and public for a quick tea or lunch, in case safety was an issue. She replied that she would bring a friend no matter what the first time we met. What gives? Isn't meeting someone new enough pressure instead of having to try and impress a friend too? Any thoughts? Suggestions? Insights?
- July 29th, 2009, 08:32 pm
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tbesq tbesq is offline
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I think the general belief is that women are taking a bigger risk than men when it comes to meeting strangers from the internet.

Give her a mulligan. Without knowing this woman as well as you may know her, she is obviously nervous about this. Assuming you're a normal guy and any attraction she has for you now will remain the same after you meet, she will ditch her friend in future dates. Men have seen it all when it comes to dealing with women, this is just another thing to maintain some kind of comfort zone.
- July 30th, 2009, 08:15 pm
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DDjr DDjr is offline
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I would be worried that she would show up with another guy!

Seriously, set up a first date that is short. Then she can bring her (female) friend with her.
- July 30th, 2009, 08:28 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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I would have dumped her for “texting.”

You should too.

***

Unless she has no car, is travelling out of town to meet you and combining that with a ‘friend’s vacation,” or some other unlikely scenario, I would probably reject a woman for asking to bring a friend.

It’s sufficient evidence she doesn’t know how to deal with life.
- July 30th, 2009, 08:29 pm
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simplemind simplemind is offline
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My first thought is that she may be very young, new at dating, or very anxious.

I know that texting is a much more common mode of communication now, and use it often myself. But limiting contact to the text for such a long time suggests more than the average degree of "nerves"--hence the wondering if she's very young or very inexperienced.

And 100% hear you...first meet is hard enough, but to have to pass a review board is hard on you, too. Your offer to wait a bit more was very thoughtful, but you may need to ler her know that you get a bit nervous too.

Or, you may just need to close out softly.

Your words suggest you're kind. I hope that you are treated equally well by your new friend. Good luck.
- July 30th, 2009, 08:38 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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D_Lion wrote :
I would have dumped her for “texting.”

You should too.

***

Unless she has no car, is travelling out of town to meet you and combining that with a ‘friend’s vacation,” or some other unlikely scenario, I would probably reject a woman for asking to bring a friend.

It’s sufficient evidence she doesn’t know how to deal with life.
+1 Chaperoned dating for adults is so 19th century.

I was kind of wondering about the texting thing too. She does not want to e-mail because she does not write well but texting is good for her. Very curious.
- July 30th, 2009, 08:39 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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simplemind wrote :
My first thought is that she may be very young, new at dating, or very anxious.
I was thinking the same thing. My first inclination might be to tell a woman who wants to bring a friend to get lost....but from what you described this woman just seems quite timid about the whole process. This might mean she's kind of wacko....but it might just mean she's a bit shy and could seem really sweet too. I think I'd hope for the latter and agree to meet her and the friend.
- July 30th, 2009, 09:43 pm
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Mainah64 Mainah64 is offline
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Do you know if she speaks english well?

If she is that reserved or fearful where she won't even talk on a cell phone for weeks and needs to bring a friend, I'd pass. As others have said she sounds either young, inexperienced, or very afraid possibly from a traumatic experience.
- July 30th, 2009, 09:46 pm
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Mainah64 wrote :
Do you know if she speaks english well?

If she is that reserved or fearful where she won't even talk on a cell phone for weeks and needs to bring a friend, I'd pass. As others have said she sounds either young, inexperienced, or very afraid possibly from a traumatic experience.
OP: give me her email. I'll let you know which it turned out to be.
- July 30th, 2009, 09:51 pm
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AustinShaguar AustinShaguar is offline
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I would have dumped her already.

Strike 1: Not good at writing email. It may just be me but I'm looking for someone educated and intelligent. If you can't communicate via writing and have no desire to try to improve your writing skills then that's a strike.

Strike 2: Excessive texting. From what I seen from some less than genuine people I've come across texting allows these people to pull some text book "player" maneuvers.

Strke 3: Must have a friend there. No room for negotiation or compromise. This person clearly is unable to let someone (that would be YOU) into her world.

This person has built a fort around herself. No phone communication means you can't ask her anything on the spot or request clarification on any topic. Same goes with email. In email at least there is a written forum for detailed expression of one's opinions and ideas. Text messaging allows a person to be very short and brief without providing an efficient mechanism to give a full account of one's opinions, ideas, etc. Lastly, this person wants to bring a friend along who can act as a safety shield. If you ask a question she doesn't want to answer then the friend is there to change the topic or offer a distraction.

So yourself a favor...move on to the next prospect. Three strikes and she's OUT!
- July 30th, 2009, 10:12 pm
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