Bringing a Friend on a First Date?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #61  August 12,2009, 9:31am
lil_lamb's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

california

Posts: 1,364

See profile

let her bring the friend. i think it's a good idea. you will have a living reference. plus it will keep both of you in check. it's not that great to jump the gun on romance.

goes without saying that you all go dutch. if they expect you to sport them both, say sorry and leave them with their tabs.
 
  Reply With Quote
jec30 is offline jec30 Post #62  August 12,2009, 2:27pm
jec30's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 47

See profile

jayjay wrote :
OK....I have my own version of this right now. A match (that I haven't met yet) just told me she'll be at a certain bar/club tonight with some friends if I'd like to come by and share a drink/dance.
This must be a new trend. I met a girl from another site and we planned to go out this Friday. She initiated the contact, asked me out and planned the date (actually made me feel suspicious until I realized it was just a reversal of typical gender roles). I had suggested going to an outside festival of some sort and she suggested a fair.

Last night she mentions that in discussing the date with a co-worker, the co-worker asked to meet us there for a bit. Her daughter is performing or something and she is recently divorced and really wanted to go but couldn't find anyone to go with.

While my initial reaction was "you have to be kidding" the more she talked about it I could see she was aware, and had made her co-worker aware, of how awkward things may be since it was our first date.

Kinda difficult to fault her for being excited about the date (ego boost!) but also being empathic to a friend in need. We're also planning on a stop for dinner to start with so there will be some time alone.

Worst case scenario, it goes into bad date notebook. Best case scenario, I see how she interacts with friends and if it turns into a relationship, it makes for a great story.
 
  Reply With Quote
Taffy000 is offline Taffy000 Post #63  August 13,2009, 4:33am
Taffy000's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 26

See profile

The fact that this "woman" doesn't have enough confidence in herself to be able to get herself out of a potentially bad situation in public is a huge red flag. If she were smart, she WOULD bring her friend but she'd have the friend wait at another table in the restaurant or in the car. If I'm clear on the facts this woman wants to sit down with you and her friend at the same table? This is not a good sign.

A lot of people feel anxious about "meeting a stranger off the internet." Go with your heart. Do you really want to start a friendship/relationship with someone who is this neurotic or lacking in self confidence and communication skills? I've had several men from other dating sites say "I didn't read your profile because it was too long." Well if a man doesn't have the time or concentration level to read over an internet dating profile he's not the guy for me.

It sounds like this woman you're dealing with is not "young" but perhaps a middle aged woman new to the dating scene. Good luck. If you decide to move forward with this woman I think you're going to need it.
 
  Reply With Quote
epistle is offline epistle Post #64  August 13,2009, 7:32am
epistle's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 4

See profile

Dear Thread,

Don't take it personal that your date wants to bring a friend along on the first date.Think of it this way they are concerned with their safety and they don't know you that well. there people who will meet a person only once over email and then go out to meet them in person right away. This person you speak of is using good judgement with things being how they are in the world. One question for you why does it bother you so much that she wants to feel safe on your first date wouldn't you want her to feel comfortable? If when you meet and she has that person along for other reasons you will know and you can address it later.This should not be a big deal.You maybe sending up RED FLAGS for her.
 
  Reply With Quote
ricknventura is offline ricknventura Post #65  August 15,2009, 12:03am
ricknventura's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Aug 2009

Southern CA

Posts: 10

See profile

I would have move on at this point. Ask her these questions: 1. Do you ever go to a store, coffee shop or other public alone? Does she always bring a friend to a doctor's office? Does she ever go anywhere by herself?
 
  Reply With Quote
wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #66  August 15,2009, 4:58pm
wordwoman's Avatar

is in contemplation

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2009

Pacific Northwest

Posts: 221

See profile

Once I'm at the first-date stage, the gentlemen have always encouraged me to bring a girlfriend along if I wanted to do so. Sometimes I have; sometimes I haven't. But let me tell you, I've always appreciated the men for making the offer, and for showing consideration for my comfort and safety.

BTW, I have never met a man for the first time without having some sort of check-in system with girlfriends or relatives. And, it doesn't matter if it's coffee or dinner or a picnic in a park; someone knows of my whereabouts; that's just common sense. And, I'm very comfortable with meeting strangers, since my work involves routinely dealing with them in public and private places, usually in high stress situations.
 
  Reply With Quote
CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #67  August 15,2009, 5:08pm
CreolePrinces…'s Avatar

It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

The Dirty South

Posts: 2,575

See profile

As I've said in previous post, most time when women bring a friend along, it isn't a lack of confidence or self-esteem. It is a safety issue. Most men (not all) can easily overpower most (not all) women. Illegal substances are sometimes slipped in drinks. Not all men are bad. I'd dare to venture out and say that I think most are not. But there are the one out there that will and do hurt women, and we don't know which is which until we get to know the man better. Why should a woman unneccarily put herself in a dangerous situation.

The argument could be that if she feels it might be dangerous then she shouldn't go. That would be an option, but she'll never know until she goes. So, as long as she's going, it would better be safe than sorry. If a man doesn't understand this, then, they just don't.
 
  Reply With Quote
nishatika is offline nishatika Post #68  September 10,2009, 8:28am
nishatika's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 35

See profile

She is going an hour and a half away to meet a strange man she does not know. Let her bring the friend, he/she is just there for her own compfort level. You do not know if she has been in a bad situation before, that makes her feel unsafe.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Labor Day Weekend Date (or plans!) Roundup | Dating | Two tickets »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Texting other women on a date Mystified101 Ask a Dating Expert 77 April 10,2011 5:11pm
Bad Second Date Sort of bdavie Ask a Dating Expert 16 October 12,2009 10:29pm
Fourth date and she wants to bring her friend Bearwolf102 Dating 46 July 21,2009 7:18am
my best friend betrayed me. moorheadgirl83 Ask a Dating Expert 7 June 26,2009 12:00pm
I lost my best friend to her stoopid-head finance treatmesweetly Chit Chat 12 May 25,2009 2:05pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Wow Legend, you have been through a lot! OP, about 2 months ago, I went gluten-free and dairy-free with the exception of an occasional greek yogurt with fruit a few times a week. My main reason why ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ I did not discourage the OP from meeting him....just wanted her to also be sure to be safe and not throw caution to the wind. I hope she has a great time and posts to the board how successful her ... ” –  legend29

Join the “a match wants to meet me in a foreign country” discussion

“The perpetrator at my work has slowed their controlling ways a bit. But, I think the damage is done for some and she will never be anything but an annoyance to them. She's much quieter, though seems ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Who's the Boss?” discussion

“Oh, I forgot to give an example from my family of origin. Both my grandpa and my father had their own successful businesses. We lived together in a 4 floor building occupying different flats but we ... ” –  elliechris

Join the “When is friendship a problem” discussion

“Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value.” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Very discouraged.” discussion

“ I figured it had something to do with that "hair gel" that Cameron Diaz was using in the movie "There's Something About Mary"...” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I used to do this in my youth. A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 4:07am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0