So, after much deliberation and self-examination, I have discovered something... I have no "game".


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Murgle is offline Murgle Post #1  July 27,2009, 7:22pm
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The long-winded title says it for the most part.

I am an old-school romantic, with a lot of old-school outlook on dating/courtship. I am courteous, kind, and always willing to pick up the check/open the door. Women who say that chivalry is dead have never met me (Ego aside, I really do try to keep respect and courtesy in mind when dealing with a woman, first and foremost).

However, I am a man who finds myself very much single. And not only am I single, I just can't seem to actually get myself out of that position, or even on a date. And I think, upon examining it for a while, that I just can't "play the game". Let me elaborate.

Because of my out-of-style outlook on courtship, my brand of flirting is unorthodox. I always try to be especially nice to the woman, go out of my way to do favors, bend over backwards if I have to. And all I get is some smiles, and get a couple of friendships that inevitably stay that way.

This, I'm discovering, isn't getting me much of anywhere, and I would like to try something different. Problem is, I can't help but feel somewhat creepy or awkward trying to dole out compliments or fumble with small talk. So, am I doing it wrong? Is it true, and I just have no game? Or am I just not getting my intentions across?

I really need some advice, because as an old-school romantic, the single life is beginning to get to me, and I'm trying to find a way out as best as I can. Thank you.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #2  July 27,2009, 7:44pm
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Why not just be yourself, rather than someone you think women may be looking for? Women will generally respond well to a man who is confident ... if you're behaving in a manner which is not natural for you, then it is unlikely you'll be confident. And most women will pick up on it.
 
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Snick8699 is offline Snick8699 Post #3  July 27,2009, 7:48pm
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I concur with meri75. If you feel awkward and "creepy" you're probably coming off that way too. It's because you're not being yourself. Find your comfort zone and go from there. It will come across as confidence and that's hot.
 
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hawqeye is offline hawqeye Post #4  July 27,2009, 8:17pm
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Talk about a rough couple of weeks.

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I hear ya there. I am almost in the same boat as you are with being old school when it comes to respect for women.

With that in mind, do not change who you are to impress others. I have tried that myself and it does not feel natural. Nowdays I am much more happy being myself than I ever was trying to be someone I was not. The nice thing is I get complimented for these qualities by men and women alike.

Not to say I get many dates, but the ones I have had I can walk away proud of myself at the end of the night for being exactly who I am and not sugar coating anything.
 
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tommyboy047 is offline tommyboy047 Post #5  July 27,2009, 9:23pm
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A true romantic does not have to try and be romantic, does not have to "find his game" it comes from within and is something you feel and can feel deeply for someone you really care about. There really is no old school for a true romantic because there are so many ways to be romantic. It just comes to you and you really don't have to try and think about it. It's a feeling that comes over you and grows into an action rather then an idea of what you think is romatic which you act upon. Yes a true romantic does like to help his girl in and out of the car, this is not old school if when you do it, she can feel it's who you are. A true romantic is that way from courtship to even when your on that porch many years from now in you're rocking chairs wondering where you left your teeth. Every women deserves romance in there life, it's not old school and should never die. There is consistency in being yourself and women can tell if your putting up a front. If your trying to "find your game", then your putting up a front and I would not want someone that is "playing the game" but would rather have someone where there game is who they really are on the inside, that is what last a life time. Your probably trying to hard to be something your not.
 
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Adam1982 is offline Adam1982 Post #6  July 27,2009, 9:44pm
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Chicks don't dig the whole humble act. They want to feel protected and that there man can provide for and protect. You can exude charm and confidence while at the same time being chivalrous. If the girl doesn't like being treated well, then i'd 100-14 her, u know? Effort is good, too much effort is pathetic. It's a fine line to navigate on that battelfield called love. Good luck mate.
 
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inn is offline inn Post #7  July 27,2009, 10:32pm
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Adam1982 wrote :
Chicks don't dig the whole humble act. They want to feel protected and that there man can provide for and protect. You can exude charm and confidence while at the same time being chivalrous. If the girl doesn't like being treated well, then i'd 100-14 her, u know? Effort is good, too much effort is pathetic. It's a fine line to navigate on that battelfield called love. Good luck mate.
At my age ... we want to have fun! Forget "protecting" and "providing" ... we want friendship, sharing a lot of laughs and dancing like there's no tomorrow.
 
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Ludiusvox is offline Ludiusvox Post #8  July 28,2009, 12:47am
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Well there's a lot of things that can be said. First of all you have to figure out "what" kind of girl you want and why. Not everyone is the same, and do not respond to the same treatment.

All the girls in here say "be yourself!" blah blah. That is not good advice,
because women do not think, or feel like us guys; they do not understand. So we look at things one day and act a certain way and don't understand why they feel a certain way. You say "I'm old fashioned, etc." Well to be honest old fashion marriages were mostly arranged marriages. The guys who slept around in the "old" days were not much unlike the scoundrels who sleep around constantly nowadays, human nature does not change.

So perhaps put the foot on the other shoe, and imagine what its like being a girl for a bit.

So mentally change your body for a bit (btw there are exceptions to this); your short. Pffft, You probably can't lift a 40 pound weight with 1 hand above your head; Your practically defenseless, you can't even knock someone out with a really hard hit anymore. On top of that you have much stronger emotions than a guy, its not the even kilter feeling most of the time like a guy (its called estrogen). Now speed up your brain x5 and start thinking about 6 different things at once at all times. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Now if your really good looking, every time you walk down the street your going to have some yahoo staring at your behind, or they'll be talking to your breasts. How does that make you feel? Self conscious. On top of that you have guys walking up and constantly trying to get your phone number; so you have alot of practice at it!

For example; how many times in your life have you been approached by a girl who says,"hey do you wanna hook up?" I think that's happened maybe 5 times in my life. I guarantee there are females on this forum that happens to them 5 times a day if their out in public constantly.

You know which guys like you by how they act; some get nervous, some stare at your body, some ignore you, some guys just walk up and start talking to you for no reason whatsoever. The fact is you as the girl just hanging around, triggers their sex drive; you don't have to do anything. And on top of that your probably busy at the time (you remember your thinking about 5 things atm). And this can possibly be innacurate but I know for a fact this happens to some women out there.
Anyhow snap back to first person:

Human sex drive is not a logical thing. Birds and Bees and cockroaches do not need logic to breed rofl. So as to answer a pre-emptive question of why any particular female would like a particular guy? Your guess is as good as mine; It does not make sense, its just some random thing; that another person happens to think your particularly good looking or whatnot.

Anyhow this is getting too long a few points:

1. You cannot make a girl into you.
2. Don't run up on random girls.
3. Only approach girls who give you some kind of signal that their into you; otherwise your wasting your time!

I'm not going to toot my own horn; but EVERY single time I walk into a club or bar there is at least 1 girl who is checking me out, and honestly I'm kindof a douchebag I'm out with my friends being a goober and drinking and being roudy, I don't feel in the mood (but that's my choice, the opportunity was still there). You just need to pay attention; and only talk to the girl who has already given you the favorable impression....If you will just do that it will save you alot of issues.

I would write much more but its too long for a forum post. There are hundreds and thousands of books, tv shows, and movies that act out romantic encounters which you can read or watch. Its a good place to start.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  July 28,2009, 2:19am
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Nothing to see here at all...

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But are you playing?
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  July 28,2009, 3:03am
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Murgle wrote :
The long-winded title says it for the most part.

I am an old-school romantic, with a lot of old-school outlook on dating/courtship. I am courteous, kind, and always willing to pick up the check/open the door. Women who say that chivalry is dead have never met me (Ego aside, I really do try to keep respect and courtesy in mind when dealing with a woman, first and foremost).

However, I am a man who finds myself very much single. And not only am I single, I just can't seem to actually get myself out of that position, or even on a date. And I think, upon examining it for a while, that I just can't "play the game". Let me elaborate.

Because of my out-of-style outlook on courtship, my brand of flirting is unorthodox. I always try to be especially nice to the woman, go out of my way to do favors, bend over backwards if I have to. And all I get is some smiles, and get a couple of friendships that inevitably stay that way.

This, I'm discovering, isn't getting me much of anywhere, and I would like to try something different. Problem is, I can't help but feel somewhat creepy or awkward trying to dole out compliments or fumble with small talk. So, am I doing it wrong? Is it true, and I just have no game? Or am I just not getting my intentions across?

I really need some advice, because as an old-school romantic, the single life is beginning to get to me, and I'm trying to find a way out as best as I can. Thank you.
Sonny, what you need to do is GET yourself some game.

And you have to realize that game starts from the inside. All the pickup books and lines won't mean anything if you don't have inner game.

What do I mean by inner game? I'm talking about your self esteem. I'm talking about your confidence. I'm talking about what you do and how happy you are with that. I'm talking about the hobbies and interests you have that you enjoy. I'm talking about knowing what you want in life, and making a plan to get it.

Like Adam1982 said, chicks don't dig the humble act. He's completely right. There's a difference between being humble and bending over backwards.

It sounds like you have a severe case of "nice-guy-itis". Going out of your way for women, bending over backwards... if you keep jumping through their hoops, you're not going to get anywhere, because they won't respect you, and you won't respect you. Get some standards.

So you need quite a bit of work. Nice-guy-itis is a tough disease to beat.

Here's what I recommend:

First of all, write down a list of items that you absolutely have to have in a partner. Some good standards are: Intelligent, Kind, Attractive, Good relationship with parents, Friendly. And so forth. You have to know what you're looking for before you can find it.

Second of all, sign up for a gym membership and start going to the gym at least 4 times a week for at least 30 minutes, preferably 1 hour. Combine this with a diet plan, I recommend weight watchers or the body for life workout. What this will do is give you additional energy as well as confidence both in your self image and how you portray yourself. Women can sense these sort of things. If you like yourself and how you look, women can tell.

And yes, I know it's going to be a pain. You might think to yourself, man, that's a lot of work, I don't really need to do that, I can skip it. But physical attractiveness IS a part of attraction, and in order to attract women, you will need to physically attract them (as well as intellectually, but that's another story).

Third of all, write down a list of behaviors that you believe are limiting yourself with regards to dating. Stuff like "There's not enough single women in my area" or "Girls won't find me attractive". That sort of thing. Then WORK on resolving those issues.

You also need to make some life plans, and take control of your life as well, not just in the girls arena, but in the life arena too. Are you happy with where you work? Why not? What can you do about it? Are you happy with where you live? Why not? What can you do about it?

Fourth, you need to meet women. How do you do this? I would recommend signing up for eHarmony and two of the free online dating sites. Spend a lot of time filling out your profile on each. Answer the questions honestly. Spend the time to write a witty, fun profile that shows who you are and that you're someone a girl would like to meet. Take fantastic pictures of yourself doing various activities and post them, and have a female friend review them. And then be active on the sites too, send messages, start communication, take control of your dating life.

Also, don't make online dating your only way to meet women. Start going out to coffee shops, book stores, grocery stores, museums, yoga classes, and so forth. Go out there, smile, and start talking to strangers. Try to say hello to five new people a day. Then ten people. Then start holding a conversation with them. Work your way up so that you're comfortable with talking to women. Have a good conversation with these women, and if she's someone you're interested in, after 5-10 minutes, go ahead and ask for her number.

Fifth, learn how to flirt. Go out and read some books if you have to, or talk to your female friends, but learn how to do it. It's a skill that can be learned.

Sixth, lose the "woe is me" attitude. It's unattractive. You're not going to catch anybody with a "woe is me, my life is so hard" attitude. Who do you think a woman would be more interested in, a guy who is happy and optimistic, or a guy who is depressed and "woe is me"?

Seventh, lose the "I need to be a super romantic on a first date" attitude as well. Don't bring flowers, don't go over the top. Don't be too agreeable. Don't be willing to jump through her hoops. Challenge her. Be a bit unpredictable.

Now, on one hand, having manners is hot. Manners impress women. Shows you're not a slob, see. But don't go overboard.

One thing I noticed from your post is that you try to be expecially nice, try to do favors for, and bend over backwards. I'll tell you right now, women don't respect a guy who doesn't respect himself.

Why are you bending over backwards for a woman when you just meet her? What makes her so worthy? The answer is, you just met, it's just the first date. Don't go overboard until she shows that she's interested.

And speaking of interest, do NOT go out with any woman that is not interested in you. ONLY go out with women who ARE interested in you. Put that as one of your standards as well. "I will only go out with a woman who is interested in me."

These are just a few tips that I would recommend. Now get out there, get your act together, do this stuff for a few months, then report back.
Last edited by Mr_Right; July 28,2009 at 3:06am.
 
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