doing everything wrong, is there hope


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beachballerina is offline beachballerina Post #1  July 27,2009, 2:52pm
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I'm a 51 year old widow. My husband died 12/15 of melanoma cancer. married for 28 years, The 2nd man in my life after my high school sweetheart. Thrown back into the dating world and desperately seeking love....the void I lost. which brings me to this.... met someone at the beach...had a great time and actually had sexual relations after knowing he did not want a relationship...just live life is he's moto. I fell in love with him in the 8 weeks we shared a lot of beach time and dinners and 5 incredible sex sessions. I have not dated for 30 years and find a lot has changed in the dating world. I'm a hopeful romantic and love the old fashion way of wooing a woman. The problem all started when I became a little jealous after a stupid incident on the beach. He's a very social person and I am social too but when I'm with someone I'm there 100%.any way the deal on the beach turned out to be a nightmare and he did not want any one who would be jealous because to him it meant that he was a possesion.
So...we're getting over that and I went out with his best friend for a drink at a local bar that turned into sex. Best friend told him we slept together which I have expressed fault on my part. He's not accepting it. and is playing the silent game for a couple of days. I made a big mistake! he's not forgetting it. Should I let it be and move on? I still care for me but I dissappointed him and I truly feel he's done with me. I'm laying low and not contacting him. sent the last text and has not responded.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #2  January 9,2010, 9:28am
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If your husband died less than a month ago don't you need some time to grieve and deal with your emotions? I am worried that the destructive behaviors you describe may give you an STD or hurt you in other ways. I would advise you not to get intimate with men who are virtually strangers. Take care of yourself and be cautious as you are very vulnerable right now.
Last edited by Rainfallgirl; January 9,2010 at 9:29am. Reason: just noticed how long ago this was originally posted, silly me.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  January 9,2010, 9:36am
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Agree!

I mean, less than one month of "dearly departed" and eight weeks of "friend with benefit" with someone new equals some large disrespect toward your spouse!

And, well, sleeping with any guy you bump into is not likely to find a replacement husband any time soon.

I'd say a professional for either you excess of grief, or deficiency of grief, whichever it is, before you get in over your head.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #4  January 9,2010, 9:46am

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beachballerina wrote :
I'm a 51 year old widow. My husband died 12/15 of melanoma cancer. married for 28 years, The 2nd man in my life after my high school sweetheart. Thrown back into the dating world and desperately seeking love....the void I lost.which brings me to this.... met someone at the beach...had a great time and actually had sexual relations after knowing he did not want a relationship...just live life is he's moto. I fell in love with him in the 8 weeks we shared a lot of beach time and dinners and 5 incredible sex sessions. I have not dated for 30 years and find a lot has changed in the dating world. I'm a hopeful romantic and love the old fashion way of wooing a woman. The problem all started when I became a little jealous after a stupid incident on the beach. He's a very social person and I am social too but when I'm with someone I'm there 100%.any way the deal on the beach turned out to be a nightmare and he did not want any one who would be jealous because to him it meant that he was a possesion.
So...we're getting over that and I went out with his best friend for a drink at a local bar that turned into sex. Best friend told him we slept together which I have expressed fault on my part. He's not accepting it. and is playing the silent game for a couple of days. I made a big mistake! he's not forgetting it. Should I let it be and move on? I still care for me but I dissappointed him and I truly feel he's done with me. I'm laying low and not contacting him. sent the last text and has not responded.
All of this sounds very wrong. Guy doesn't want a relationship, but gets jealous. Then you're sleeping with two guys already within about three weeks of your husband's death?

Sounds like you REALLY need some alone time. Some time to reset yourself back to center, to get a grip on what you REALLY want in life. (and if that's sleeping around with a bunch of commitment-phobe types then more power to you)
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #5  January 9,2010, 10:06am

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Hi Beach..I'm sure there is more to your story, and figure your husband didn't just pass away Dec of 09, but earlier.

Part of being a widow may be the fear of losing our sexuality since we no longer have a spouse and friend we've had for many years.

I hope you read my PM and decide to fill us in. In any case, I'm sorry for the loss of your husband.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #6  January 9,2010, 10:06am

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Hi Beach..I'm sure there is more to your story, and figure your husband didn't just pass away Dec of 09, but earlier.

Part of being a widow may be the fear of losing our sexuality since we no longer have a spouse and friend we've had for many years.

I hope you read my PM and decide to fill us in. In any case, I'm sorry for the loss of your husband.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  January 9,2010, 10:19am

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RoxyRedhead wrote :
Hi Beach..I'm sure there is more to your story, and figure your husband didn't just pass away Dec of 09, but earlier.

Part of being a widow may be the fear of losing our sexuality since we no longer have a spouse and friend we've had for many years.

I hope you read my PM and decide to fill us in. In any case, I'm sorry for the loss of your husband.
the last time the OP was here was in July.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  January 9,2010, 10:27am
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scarlet13 wrote :
the last time the OP was here was in July.
Glad you caught that- it means no one replied to her post for several months, which is sad. I wonder if she still visits this forum.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #9  January 9,2010, 2:13pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
the last time the OP was here was in July.
------------------------------------------------------------------

I know, its all my fault because I found it and responded to it and then afterward saw the date. It is sad that nobody responded at the time she originally posted it.
 
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