How do you "show" chemistry?


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MoneyHoney is offline MoneyHoney Post #1  July 26,2009, 5:26pm
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Yes, another chemistry question! I met a guy for lunch on Saturday (background - I had another date Friday night, which I thought went well only to get a very strange email the next morning. Kind of put a damper on my mood). Before going into the restaurant I sat alone in my car for a few minutes to clear my head and be open to meeting a new person. We met at a nice but busy self-service restaurant where you order at the counter and then sit down. We sat across from each other, had an iced tea and talked. I thought he was good-looking, intelligent, etc., but there was really no opportunity to show any affection (like touch his arm, etc.). After the date we walked out, gave each other a hug, and went to our respective cars. Is there a way to show chemistry in such an environment or should it just be oraganic and expose itself naturally? I tend to be a bit nervous and do better after a cocktail. The date the night before had plenty of opportunity - sitting next to each other on a couch in a bar, drinking wine, sitting in a car together. Anyway, I'm just wondering if the chemistry thing should come on its own or should I have to put some effort into it?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #2  July 26,2009, 5:33pm

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what you described is what I try to avoid on first dates too....busy, lunch style restaraunts, its just not romantic. Reminds of business lunches. It can be hard to let loose in that kind of environment. I think chemistry happens on its own, but that type of enviornment can really take away from what could have been a better setting for a romance to start.

I usually avoid coffee dates for that reason. It's too uncomfortable to me.
 
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funnyengineergal is offline funnyengineergal Post #3  July 26,2009, 5:37pm
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I kind of concur... but I've been on the weirdest dates that then ended up having chemistry. Sometimes your eyes can say waaaay more than anything else. Did you guys have actual food or was it just the iced tea? Call me a loser if you must, but if a guy is not willing to put out for even a modest dinner on the first date, then I kind of get turned off.

Hang in there, girl! It'll happen!! If it's meant to be, it will happen!!

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Ron is offline Ron Post #4  July 26,2009, 5:39pm
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So it was just your first date with this new person, right? Could you be trying just a tad too hard to "prove" to your date and/or yourself that there is chemistry? Relax, be patient, and just let it come naturally. If there is in fact something between the two of you, let the subtle (perhaps unconscious) signals go to work--looking into each other' eyes repeatedly, smiling, laughing together, etc. Throw in a smidge of flirting for good measure. But do leave a little mystery in the equation for him to enjoy. The chemistry will become apparent to both of you soon enough; why rush a good thing?
 
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MoneyHoney is offline MoneyHoney Post #5  July 26,2009, 5:45pm
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Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, we did have lunch. He sent me the "it was nice to meet you but I didn't think we had chemistry" email this afternoon. I'm batting a thousand this weekend!!! I think I will try to avoid coffee or lunch dates knowing that I am nervous anyway and feel better in a cozy, quiet place after dark . . . and with a cocktail!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  July 26,2009, 5:47pm
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Hey, look at this: I agree with CP30 … does that mean CP30 agrees with me?!
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  July 26,2009, 6:07pm
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MoneyHoney wrote :
Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, we did have lunch. He sent me the "it was nice to meet you but I didn't think we had chemistry" email this afternoon. I'm batting a thousand this weekend!!! I think I will try to avoid coffee or lunch dates knowing that I am nervous anyway and feel better in a cozy, quiet place after dark . . . and with a cocktail!
I don't think it's too likely that your inability to 'show chemistry' was the deal-breaker with this guy. What you seem to be describing (e.g. touching his arm) are ways that a woman can show interest in a man. Without showing these he just wouldn't have as much encouragement to continue seeking contact with you. Some guys might be too shy to ask you out again without this added encouragement....but if he wrote to you that he actually didn't think the chemistry was there I'd tend to think this is what he actually felt and isn't just lacking the courage to ask you out again.

Personally I don't like the cozy, quiet after dark places for a first meeting. There's just too much of chance that my date will be someone I don't want to be stuck with for several hours. I'd go for a cozy quiet place for a second date with someone I think there might actually be some potential with. At least, I've heard that second dates are actually possible.
 
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funnyengineergal is offline funnyengineergal Post #8  July 26,2009, 6:09pm
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jayjay wrote :
At least, I've heard that second dates are actually possible.

Hope springs eternal....... aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #9  July 26,2009, 6:25pm
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Ron wrote :
So it was just your first date with this new person, right? Could you be trying just a tad too hard to "prove" to your date and/or yourself that there is chemistry? Relax, be patient, and just let it come naturally. If there is in fact something between the two of you, let the subtle (perhaps unconscious) signals go to work--looking into each other' eyes repeatedly, smiling, laughing together, etc. Throw in a smidge of flirting for good measure. But do leave a little mystery in the equation for him to enjoy. The chemistry will become apparent to both of you soon enough; why rush a good thing?



I'm one of those people for whom the chemistry is either there or it isn't. It's not something that can be forced. You either "click" or you don't.

You probably have a very best friend in the whole wide world. You both know and understand each other. That's "chemistry". When it's between the sexes, you have the extra sexual attraction thrown in, but basically it's the same understanding, like you "fit".

If you have to "search" for it, it's probably not really there. I think what you may be trying to show instead is "interest".

I do agree with the Frog also about controlling that environment to the extent you can. Anything that puts you at ease will make you relax and be more natural. That's always appealing!
 
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Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #10  July 26,2009, 7:59pm
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I agree with those who say chemistry is either there or it's not there. I also agree that you have to control the environment so you can be comfortable. But I don't think the environment is supposed to make you feel the chemistry. That's what it sounds like you are saying to me.

I personally would rather have the first date in a neutral, non-romantic place in case there is no "chemistry." That way we don't have to sit there gazing into each other's eyes in some darkened place when we really don't feel anything. Like "chemistry." I went on a blind date once to a nice, romantic, darkly lit restaurant. I was miserable. The guy was nice, but I didn't feel the spark. It was the longest most uncomfortable two hours of my life. For a first date can just have our coffee or drink, quick lunch, whatever, and part ways. If we do feel something then we get together again and make it more of a romantic date.
 
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