SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #61  October 22,2009, 10:35pm
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sheera007 wrote :
I wouldn't care if its a dealbreaker or not. I can't relate to people who don't love animals... so no loss, in my book.
I don't care if it's a dealbreaker or not.


I can't relate to people who love animals more than people....so no loss, in *my* book.
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #62  October 23,2009, 10:04am
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While I wouldn't go to the extreme of the poster who said that all pet owners have "issues", I do think it is more complicated than just determining whether someone "likes animals" or not.

To me, it's not even about the pet dog, cat, gerbil, whatever (which are all fine). I'm mostly looking for clues to what the animal really means to their owner. Is it a beloved pet & companion, or is it something more, like a sort of extension of themselves?

But basically, there's a growing line of thought that pets for some folks (not all) are actually a source of what psychologists call "narcissistic supply", meaning their true purpose is to serve the emotional needs (and weak self-esteem) of clinical Narcissists, a behavioral type that's discussed in other threads. Essentially these are folks that aren't capable of "normal" intimacy or relationships, so the "best" they can ever do is bond with a creature that places no demands on them, is always loyal, forgiving, obedient, etc., and it now becomes something more, not just a pet, but a part of "who they are".

So whenever I see somone who makes a big deal about their pet ("must love animals", "Bowser is my friend", pics of the dog in their profile, etc.), I just figure they're doing everybody a big favor and giving us a clue, "Hey, just so 'ya know... "Bowser" will always come first, and BTW, if you get involved with me, this is all the emotional demands that I can handle"...!!
Last edited by ming_on_mongo; October 23,2009 at 10:13am. Reason: typo...
 
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Gtaylor72 is offline Gtaylor72 Post #63  October 23,2009, 10:12am
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For me it would be a deal breaker. I just can't see my life without having a pet. Which is why one of the questions I ask in the first round of questions is about pets. I have yet to get someone who truly hates pets or is allergic or whatever. If I did though I probably would close them out.

Now that said the pet will not come first in a relationship, but my partner needs to at least like animals.
Last edited by Gtaylor72; October 23,2009 at 10:15am.
 
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pds857 is offline pds857 Post #64  October 23,2009, 10:26am
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I have a 13yr old cat, and I have a now 5 month old puppy.

I plan to have my pup for at least the next 13 yrs. While my cat may only be around for the next few yrs at most. I will be very surprised if I can function without my cat, once he passes away, since he is like a child to me.
I love him an care for him like I would a child in most reguards.

If you cant handle this, I suggest that you dont even try to find somethin that you do like about me. Because Its not somethin I'm
about to give up jus to be with someone that I've only known oh say, 3 months or 6 or a yr.

This is my family, you can accept it or not, but if you wanna love me
love my pets too.

btw, my guy already has 2 dogs. so I know he loves pets, not to mention he loves my pup an refers to himself as 'dad' while talkin to him lol too sweet!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #65  October 23,2009, 11:06am
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ming_on_mongo wrote :
So whenever I see somone who makes a big deal about their pet ("must love animals", "Bowser is my friend", pics of the dog in their profile, etc.), I just figure they're doing everybody a big favor and giving us a clue, "Hey, just so 'ya know... "Bowser" will always come first, and BTW, if you get involved with me, this is all the emotional demands that I can handle"...!!
But Ming, you'd have to close a match with me!

It is true that people who are clinically schizoid (personality disorder) cannot relate to people, but often relate deeply with their pets. But for non-schizoid people, relating deeply to animals does not preclude relating deeply to people.

In fact, skills developed in cross-species relationships can be useful in human-human relationships! Here's a short list:

- I do not grasp why my dog eats disgusting things, and just have to accept it. Same with men.

- Sometimes my cat wants to sit in my lap when I don't want her there, and we have to negotiate that. Same with men. (well, not so much lap-sitting but you get the drift).

- I am well aware that my animals aren't going to live very long, so I must treasure the time I have with them. Same with men, gotta celebrate while you can.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #66  October 23,2009, 11:28am
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Personally flexibility in this matter is one reason I don't own a pet right now (a bigger reason is that I wouldn't own a dog until I was in a situation where they'd have companionship most of the day). I'd love to have a family dog some day, but my priorities are quite clear: people come before pets. Some people rightly pointed out the owning a pet implies an obligation to see that it is cared for, and as I'm not willing to say no to a relationship for the sake of a pet, that means not owning a pet right now...playing with the pets of friends fills the niche for now. I'm looking for my partner first and foremost, and after that's taken care of we can talk about whether a pet fits in the context of our relationship, rather than fitting a spouse into the relationship between me and my pet.

If I met someone who was a really good fit for me but not a dog person, I wouldn't want to miss out on that just for the sake of some animal companionship.
Last edited by cardguy; October 23,2009 at 3:01pm. Reason: yay typos!
 
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Rnlds is offline Rnlds Post #67  October 23,2009, 12:44pm
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My dogs and I are a package deal!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #68  October 23,2009, 1:14pm
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That's a great attitude, Cardguy! And if you end up with a no-pets person, you could always go walk the dogs at your local shelter to get some animal time!
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #69  October 23,2009, 2:49pm
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cardguy wrote :
Personally flexibility in this matter is one reason I don't own a pet right now (a bigger reason is that I wouldn't own a dog I was in a situation where they'd have companionship most of the day). I'd love to have a family dog some day, but my priorities are quite clear: people come before pets. Some people rightly pointed out the owning a pet implies an obligation that sees that it is cared for, and as I'm not willing to say no to a relationship for the sake of a pet, that means not owning a pet right now...playing with the pets of friends fills the niche for now. I'm looking for my partner first and foremost, and after that's taken care of we can talk about whether a pet fits in the context of our relationship, rather than fitting a spouse into the relationship between me and my pet.

If I met someone who was a really good fit for me but not a dog person, I wouldn't want to miss out on that just for the sake of some animal companionship.
Yep!
 
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ming_on_mongo is offline ming_on_mongo Post #70  October 23,2009, 7:10pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
But Ming, you'd have to close a match with me!

It is true that people who are clinically schizoid (personality disorder) cannot relate to people, but often relate deeply with their pets. But for non-schizoid people, relating deeply to animals does not preclude relating deeply to people.

In fact, skills developed in cross-species relationships can be useful in human-human relationships! Here's a short list:

- I do not grasp why my dog eats disgusting things, and just have to accept it. Same with men.

- Sometimes my cat wants to sit in my lap when I don't want her there, and we have to negotiate that. Same with men. (well, not so much lap-sitting but you get the drift).

- I am well aware that my animals aren't going to live very long, so I must treasure the time I have with them. Same with men, gotta celebrate while you can.
Sorry if that offends you there "Sassafras", but I thought I was being pretty clear, with the distinction between, "a beloved pet & companion, or is it something more, like a sort of extension of themselves?"

And having had first-hand experience living with someone of the "schizoid" persuasion, I think I can understand the distinction.

But again, it's not about loving animals at all (which I do and have several myself). It's about whether the kind of relationship that someone has with their pet, is any indicator of their capacity for the more complex demands of a human relationship. I believe it is, and there's a good discussion of the whole phenomenon here.

But in any case, if someone's highest capability for "emotional intimacy" is invested in a creature that can't talk and makes few demands, then at a minimum I figure that's not such a good sign they can handle the more "complicated stuff"!

But thanks for the tip re: your "matches", etc., and I'll keep it in mind!
 
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