cashncarry is offline cashncarry Post #1  July 25,2009, 4:16pm
cashncarry's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 24

See profile

So, I met this guy on EH. We had about 5-6 "dates". I really enjoyed his company, he was nice, but I did feel his "non-committal" approach to our relationship. He never "offered" to do anything for me although he knew there were a few things I could use some help with in my house after visiting 2-3 times. It could be that I had stated this upfront (I am newly divorced and just looking for good friendship/companionship) and going slow but this was something he agreed with. We emailed almost daily or at least every other day and saw one another at least 1 or 2x a week. After each "date" he left me with a kiss better than the last. His last kiss completely had me head over heels. And since then (been a month) he just went poof. I did email 1x or 2x but no reply. What the heck went wrong? It's been almost a month now. He had closed our out EH account months ago when we first started communicating outside of EH saying "we are communicating outside of EH" and I took the liberty of closing us out a few weeks ago by saying "good luck with your search" because his lack of communication bugged me. I really did like this guy. I thought we hit it off well. What can I do? I want to email him and ask him "what the heck" but do I bother? I really did like him. Please help.
 
  Reply With Quote
funnyengineergal is offline funnyengineergal Post #2  July 25,2009, 4:24pm
funnyengineer…'s Avatar

is smiling, as usual

Quick Study

Joined: Jul 2009

Waltham, MA - USA

Posts: 136

See profile

I would suggest that "he's just not that into you"... and move on!! By the way, read the book. Seriously. Read it. It helps!!!

Me
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  July 25,2009, 4:30pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,659

See profile

Generally, a disappearance is a lost cause.
[FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
yoga_gal is offline yoga_gal Post #4  July 25,2009, 4:42pm
yoga_gal's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 4,782

See profile

He never "offered" to do anything for me although he knew there were a few things I could use some help with in my house after visiting 2-3 times.

Ok, you didn't ask about this but I find this statement odd and maybe I am missing something. I guess it would have been nice if he had offered to help but I hope you didn't expect that or feel that he should be obligated to help you out just because you had a few dates. Like I said maybe I am missing something.

Anyway, I am sorry he disappeared but that is probably more common than not. Like the others said he probably did not feel a strong enough connection to continue or felt more strongly about someone else.

Sometimes someone walking away without a strong attachment is a good thing. They aren't sticking around while you have to figure out if they are interested and you can focus more on finding someone that wants to stick around.

Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 25,2009, 5:03pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,102

See profile

cashncarry wrote :
So, I met this guy on EH. We had about 5-6 "dates". I really enjoyed his company, he was nice, but I did feel his "non-committal" approach to our relationship. He never "offered" to do anything for me although he knew there were a few things I could use some help with in my house after visiting 2-3 times. It could be that I had stated this upfront (I am newly divorced and just looking for good friendship/companionship) and going slow but this was something he agreed with. We emailed almost daily or at least every other day and saw one another at least 1 or 2x a week. After each "date" he left me with a kiss better than the last. His last kiss completely had me head over heels. And since then (been a month) he just went poof. I did email 1x or 2x but no reply. What the heck went wrong? It's been almost a month now. He had closed our out EH account months ago when we first started communicating outside of EH saying "we are communicating outside of EH" and I took the liberty of closing us out a few weeks ago by saying "good luck with your search" because his lack of communication bugged me. I really did like this guy. I thought we hit it off well. What can I do? I want to email him and ask him "what the heck" but do I bother? I really did like him. Please help.



I really think you should not bother. You eMailed him 1-2 times and did the "Good Luck" thing. He's chosen to ignore you for whatever his reasons are. Keep your pride; it's all you're going to get out of him. Sorry.
 
  Reply With Quote
chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #6  July 25,2009, 5:07pm
chawks64's Avatar

is keeping warm with her Honey.

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Southern Nevada

Posts: 6,735

See profile

yoga_gal wrote :
He never "offered" to do anything for me although he knew there were a few things I could use some help with in my house after visiting 2-3 times.

Ok, you didn't ask about this but I find this statement odd and maybe I am missing something. I guess it would have been nice if he had offered to help but I hope you didn't expect that or feel that he should be obligated to help you out just because you had a few dates. Like I said maybe I am missing something.

Anyway, I am sorry he disappeared but that is probably more common than not. Like the others said he probably did not feel a strong enough connection to continue or felt more strongly about someone else.

Sometimes someone walking away without a strong attachment is a good thing. They aren't sticking around while you have to figure out if they are interested and you can focus more on finding someone that wants to stick around.

Best of luck!
+1
And don't email him again. Just walk away.
 
  Reply With Quote
sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #7  July 25,2009, 9:16pm
sheera007's Avatar

is rockin' the fitness progam

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2008

USA

Posts: 756

See profile

cashncarry wrote :
So, I met this guy on EH. We had about 5-6 "dates". I really enjoyed his company, he was nice, but I did feel his "non-committal" approach to our relationship. He never "offered" to do anything for me although he knew there were a few things I could use some help with in my house after visiting 2-3 times.
Its your house. I take responsibility for my own house. There aren't many projects that I can't tackle, myself, even if its a learn-as-I-go, first-time ordeal. Even if it turns out to take much longer than planned and involves lots of..
grumbling
inappropriate language
tears
and too many trips to the hardware store due to my mistakes

Sure, its always nice to have help, especially from someone who may have more experience with certain "handy-man" projects than I do. But I wouldn't expect some guy, I barely know, to offer after only a few dates. I don't think that necessarily deems him "non-committal". I wouldn't offer to help him with his household projects, before I really knew him, and was sure of a close bond. Such gruelling, time-consuming chores are reserved for my good friends & family only.



cashncarry wrote :
It's been almost a month now. I really did like this guy. I thought we hit it off well. What can I do? I want to email him and ask him "what the heck" but do I bother? I really did like him. Please help.
Why bother emailing him at this point? Its been almost a month and he hasn't bothered to reply to the msgs you've already sent. Nobody can tell you what to do... but I sure-as-heck wouldn't contact him. The lack-of-interest seems pretty clear... as tough of a pill as that may be to swallow. I know its disappointing and hurtful but... it is what it is. Sorry you're having a hard time with this.
Last edited by sheera007; July 25,2009 at 9:28pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #8  July 25,2009, 9:49pm
gothustartus's Avatar

is thinking about someone special

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2009

London, England

Posts: 1,753

See profile

When you say you saw each other 5-6 times and it was at least once or twice a week i assume you're saying you'd been seeing each other for two, maybe three weeks.
Also the things you mentioned needing help with around the house that he never offered to do... was it gardening? Decorating? Putting up shelves? Were you giving him hints about doing that kind of thing? If so it's possible that he got the impression that what you were really looking for was a handyman.

I'm an IT technician, i can't count the number of times i've had dates that were more interested in me fixing or upgrading their computer than me as a person. He may have felt the same way.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  July 25,2009, 9:52pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

[quote=D_Lion;686402]Generally, a disappearance is a lost cause.
[FONT=Arial]
 
  Reply With Quote
MissXena is offline MissXena Post #10  July 25,2009, 10:58pm
MissXena's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 14

See profile

IcecreamMoon wrote :
I'm in complete agreement with D_Frog on this one.

He has clearly made his choice.
If you ask me, after 6 dates, it's a coward's way out. But he is not me...

The choice is now yours - if you really feel that another email will make you feel better and give you a sense of completion you need, then go ahead and email him. If you do, and even if he replies, be very careful not to open your heart to him right away - most likely he'll hurt you and run away and hide again in the near future, just as soon as his imagination scares him again or when he finds a prettier toy to play with, just like he did before.

For that reason, personally, I would not bother any longer. Close that door and find a decent and honorable man, who will treat you with honesty and respect, at the very least. Leave the emotional roller coaster rides to the immature men and women who, for some bizarre reason, can't resist them and even seem to secretly enjoy them.

You deserve better than that! Good Luck!
What she said.

~ MX
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« So far so good! | Dating | What's with all the influential ex's »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Invasion of the roly-polys OR how I learned to stop worrying and love the bugs... littlebluemonkeymind AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 42 June 18,2009 8:21pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Wow Legend, you have been through a lot! OP, about 2 months ago, I went gluten-free and dairy-free with the exception of an occasional greek yogurt with fruit a few times a week. My main reason why ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ I did not discourage the OP from meeting him....just wanted her to also be sure to be safe and not throw caution to the wind. I hope she has a great time and posts to the board how successful her ... ” –  legend29

Join the “a match wants to meet me in a foreign country” discussion

“The perpetrator at my work has slowed their controlling ways a bit. But, I think the damage is done for some and she will never be anything but an annoyance to them. She's much quieter, though seems ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Who's the Boss?” discussion

“Oh, I forgot to give an example from my family of origin. Both my grandpa and my father had their own successful businesses. We lived together in a 4 floor building occupying different flats but we ... ” –  elliechris

Join the “When is friendship a problem” discussion

“Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value.” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Very discouraged.” discussion

“ I figured it had something to do with that "hair gel" that Cameron Diaz was using in the movie "There's Something About Mary"...” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I used to do this in my youth. A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:51am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0