cwhite1028 is offline cwhite1028 Post #71  July 30,2009, 3:34am
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[quote=D_Lion;685987]This is kind of a guess, since I am a decade younger, but I hypothesis that there are somewhat fewer men your age.
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mylifesabeach is offline mylifesabeach Post #72  July 30,2009, 5:11am
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Wow when I started this thread never thought there would be so many reponses. And so many very differnt opinions.

Almost immediately after I wrote it I know three men right off the top of my head that have had no success finding miss right, one that was financially screwed by his ex etc etc. He's great but just no sparks for me. But someone mentioned that some men just pull out of the dating pool and I can see that is true. I also have some single male relatives in their 50's sixties. The problem they seem to have is the women they date are not interested in commitment, especially marriage. And I understand that very well. I don't want to spend all my time picking up after anyone, making all their doctors appts, doing all the home shores etc etc ever again. I am not cut out to be the stay at home wife/free labor person.

By the way men are not the only ones that get screwed ove in divorce. I got nothing. My ex was a business man with his own company. I had to pay for my lawyer,s his were a tax right offs, guess who didnt mind going to court repeatly? Oh and when your self employeed, that income that child support is based on magically goes down to 20,000 a year. Court ordered to pay medical expenses? Try collecting that without going back to court and paying for more lawyers. Want to get a better job, maybe one with some travel? Forget that if you are the one raising the kids. Though I would NEVER trade that! Just know that divorce is hard on EVERYONE.

It is always more to run two seperate households then one. And KIDS are EXPENSIVE.

Not to say some guys don't get cleaned out but I have heard enough of them crying because they don't have money to go out to dinner, golf, go scuba diving etc etc when their ex is not living any better. And of course if you want to date, especially a younger girl, you better have some cash in your pocket or she's probably not going to be around too long. Sorry just had throw that in there! lol

It seems to me the guys my age that have trouble finding the "right woman" are the ones that don't have much money. The rich guys have no problem. I agree with some of what I have read here. It seems many men are waiting for Britney...but I strongly suspect that the wait is going to be very long if you don't have money.

By the way alimony, get real, very few people get alimony. I have never even known anyone that got LIFETIME alimony. I think that was something in an older generation then mind.

And as far as whoah as me, thats definitely not me. I date. I tend to be really independent, and always loved the dating. If most the population just stayed single and dated that would be fine by me. But, in our society, at a certain age you really get left out as a single. Also, there is also not a lot of time for getting to know people, so dating is so much more a chore now. The truth is being mom fulfills me right now. I would love to meet more normal single men my age. But just going to have to go out of my age range and see if I can find some normal men there to hang out with.

You all sound like great folks, hope you find what you are looking for because we are certainly all looking for something differnt aren't we?
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #73  July 30,2009, 5:44am
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Great post, Beachie!
Thanks for sharing.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #74  July 30,2009, 5:53am
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"the good men are the ones who get married and stay married. The others are divorced, sometimes several times, and out there looking for someone 15-20 years younger who can make them feel like young hotdogs again."

Oh, really. This argument might apply to 20 and 30 yrs olds. As they more competent settle sonner and what is left when you are 30 is?

But can I defend we "middle aged (48) men. Let’s see, I have had 2 long term relationships (18 & 9 years respectively) with 3 sons 7 step daughter. I don't think that is a particular deficiency relationship wise. They were mostly good relationships. But guess what? Life has it twist and turns, change, death, etc.

As for 15~20 years younger. Humm, my brother married a woman 15 years younger, last year he become a father for the first time and it’s like he been a dad all his life. They are very happy. For myself, I've mostly hung with woman closer to my own age; as have most guys I know. They have a bit of nous, ideas, ideals, and nimbleness doesn't need to fad. I've spent time with women a bit younger. They can have their smarts too. Wouldn't shack up with one as they often aspire to have children where as I've been there, done that - next stage is grand kids.

I also know a few older woman who have all the sexuality of a chair; they drive everywhere, eat junk food, don't look after themselves and think the War of the Roses is a movie with Danny Divito. I wouldn't even see them as worthy friends. It’s hardly a wonder some guys would look for lasses who still have their youth.

And I'm wondering at the irony that an unattached older guy may be less than perfect, but a woman in the same position is what ... just misfortune.
 
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Mainah64 is offline Mainah64 Post #75  July 30,2009, 6:18am
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Lanc wrote :
I think the last poster may be on to something regarding men in their 45-50's being financially wiped out. I have seen this scenario & it can't be rare.




...but for OP's situation & demographic, a lot of her potential suitors have probably retired from interactions with the fairer sex. And let's face it, the primary reason men chase women in the first place is sex, and at 45-55, you just don't need it like you did in your twenties.

So Beach, it's not you, just bad luck. The hormone shackle is taken off, but the financial shackle replaces it, and you just don't fit into the equation.
Yeah, I was one who took it in the shorts, not once but twice. First the divorce and then during cs battle some years later. I don't have the financial freedom to do what many women in my age range expect, ie travel, toys, nice car, house.... Oh well.

I like the phrase 'hormone shackle". I've been freed for a few years and don't, won't, and refuse to play the dating game. It has become a chore in many ways and I see many unrealistic expectations. I'll find the 'one' someday, I'm sure of it. She won't be Britt, Hillary, or any extreme. Halle would be nice but that might be a bit unrealistic, only because she's married.

There are alot of nice middle aged guys and gals out there. Now if we could just meet up, drop the chip off our shoulders, focus on commonalities and move to small town Maine.....
 
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VicBrett is offline VicBrett Post #76  July 30,2009, 8:05am
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mylifesabeach,

>Are most middle aged men that are normal really that rare?
>Is it just that there are so so many women out there your own age?
Yes. In the 45-54 age range, the number of unmarried men vs. unmarried women (in the US) is 83/100. http://www.census.gov/population/www...0483/fig02.pdf


If you want the why that is... in the US the average age difference is four years and couples are not holding off marriage until their late twenties now, men get remarried sooner than women, etc.

 
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mylifesabeach is offline mylifesabeach Post #77  August 6,2009, 10:50pm
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Quendy wrote :
The vast majority of the men I have dated have wanted the fun without the commitment [because they never know when Angelina Jolie is going to come along and want them]



Good, honest, moral men, for the most part, get married and their wives want to keep them. Admit it - most of us middle agers are here because we were either abused or cheated on, and our exes are out there wining and dining and living it up with new women who just think they're IT.
So funny yet so true! I dated a couple men like this and they were by far the ugliest guys I went out with. Maybe someone not so good looking, that has lost their hair and/or gotten fat, is more likely to be obsessed with appearances of the person they are seen with? Honestly, I wanted to laugh out loud at the one guy because the way he was talking to me I could tell that my age de-hotted me no matter what I look like and he was trying to make my age acceptable to him even though he was older than me!

In reality I looked like Marilyn Monroe standing next to him and I suspect that at least at his current level of attractiveness he has not had too many good looking women interested. But I think he will be holding out for Angelina until they put him in the ground. After I realized what he was I really couldn't look at him with a straight face I felt so sorry for him, so so out of reality.

I think the fourties are a time when lots of people are just starting to accept the reality that they are starting to look older or for some look much older. Often they can see their friend look old but they do not see that their bald, pot bellied, slack necked self ALSO look old.

And yes, we do care.

As far as the abuse and infidelity observation I think you are right on. Every woman I personally know that is divorced was either abused, cheated on or both. They say that people do not work hard enough on their marriages and throw in the towel too early. I hav enot seen this at all with my friends. It is more common for them to stay to long in a bad situation from what I see. I also know a man that left do to abuse, not physical but horrible to live through just the same.

The great thing about having an experience where there has been abuse is that you know that it can be so much worse than being single (cup half full). I felt like kissing the ground in my single house with my single life. There are still days all these years later when I just feel enveloped in happiness to the point I want to laugh out loud I feel so blessed to not be with my abusive ex anymore. But of course the flip side is that it makes you question if you really want to try it again. Especially since EVERYTHING is easy after that.
 
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