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treeye treeye is offline
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I know it sounds bad, but I'm still missing a guy I've dated for three months back from January. we'd a lot of fun together and I really like him, but he's too lukewarm and never made a move on me after three months, I think he's just interested in my as a friend, that's why we broke off, but I'm still thinking about him and thinking about contacting him again. I know I'm going to humiliating myself to contact him coz he's clearly not that interested, but I just sometimes blame myself not patient enough with him, he did talk about his friends' being laid off, etc, maybe that was not a good time for him...I feel better if you tell me the timing was not right and I did nothing wrong, is it?

also another unrelated question, just curious guys if you've found your gf on eharmony, will you go ahead and cancel your eharmony account instead of keeping it online with no new match option?
- July 24th, 2009, 08:43 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

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I have been the guy that you dumped. Where you say that "never made a move on me after three months" I am presuming that you mean sex. I dated a girl from eHarmony for a couple of months and did not "make a move" because I am not going to bring sex into a relationship until we are in an exclusive commited relationship. She was not willing to become exclusive. May be your guy was not lukewarm but has similar values to me. Of course it could be that if you don't consider that being exclusive and commited is a requirement for sex and he does that you really have compatible values.

As I have yet to get to the point of an exclusive, committed relationship, when I get to the point that I think that a match is worth pursuing as a exclusive relationship I may turn off matching to concetrate on building that relationship but not cancel my subscription. I see no reason to cancel my subscription until I have a girl that is also willing to become exclusive.
- July 24th, 2009, 09:37 pm
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flowerchild66 flowerchild66 is offline
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treeye wrote :
I know it sounds bad, but I'm still missing a guy I've dated for three months back from January. we'd a lot of fun together and I really like him, but he's too lukewarm and never made a move on me after three months, I think he's just interested in my as a friend, that's why we broke off, but I'm still thinking about him and thinking about contacting him again. I know I'm going to humiliating myself to contact him coz he's clearly not that interested, but I just sometimes blame myself not patient enough with him, he did talk about his friends' being laid off, etc, maybe that was not a good time for him...I feel better if you tell me the timing was not right and I did nothing wrong, is it?
Please spare yourself the humiliation and don't call him. Whatever his reasons, he's lukewarm and you deserve someone who's reasonably excited about you. Accept no less.
- July 25th, 2009, 02:34 am
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gothustartus gothustartus is offline
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Presumably you were giving him indications that a move on you would be not only welcomed but even encouraged, if so then after three months if he hadn't made one he probably never would.

Value the friendship but look elsewhere for romance. If the guy is that afraid to stick his neck out then a relationship with him would probably end up driving you nuts.
- July 25th, 2009, 05:46 am
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treeye treeye is offline
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thanks everyone!! I've done the right thing

no, by "making a move" I mean "holding hands and kissing" he clearly is only comfortable being friends but he takes me out on dates, so I resented him for messing with my feelings and I closed him, I also deleted all his contact information

you're right. being in touch with him will only frustrate me. and I never can be friends with my dates.

thanks again! great advices!
- July 25th, 2009, 06:39 am
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From the little you described about this guy....he could be me with many of my dates. I like number of the women I've gone out with, on a friendly basis, and wouldn't mind going on a few fun outings with them because I've enjoyed talking and interacting with them. Still, I don't have any romantic intentions toward them. However, I don't think I'd continue seeing any of these women for several months as you described, unless my intentions toward them were clear.
- July 25th, 2009, 06:52 am
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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To answer your thread question - probably not.

But blaming yourself is rather useless.
Being who you are and starting off as friends is always a good start in my book.

3 possibilities in my mind -
1. The worst that can happen - you realize that you have incompatible personalities and you your separate ways. From what you've described, I don't think this is going to be the case.
2. You make a good friend.
3. Your friendship develops into a relationship, built on solid foundation of friendship and respect.

I don't see anything wrong with either. So, I would pursue further.

Good luck!
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 25th, 2009 at 07:26 am.
- July 25th, 2009, 07:24 am
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Edmondo Edmondo is offline
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Don’t blame your self. These things happen. Here is what happened to me and what I did.

I met someone on another dating board and we clicked right away. I couldn’t believe how much in common we had. We moved so fast. But it was like a meteor burning up in the atmosphere. Then it came out where we were not compatible and wow it became explosive.

We stop going out but on a lark I sent her a email and we started talking again. It was smooth sailing and then our incompatibility came up again. Then she sent me a really nasty email. At first I was shocked but I returned a nasty one.

I kept thinking of our good times and not the bad ones and really missed her. But I knew we couldn’t be together and I knew I had to change.

First I deleted all her emails and removed her number from my phone. When ever I think of the good times, I change it and think of the bad times. Then I think she is a person of great value, but not to me.
- July 25th, 2009, 08:05 am
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treeye treeye is offline
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I might be ok to be just friends with him, but he should let me know clearly of his intentions,no he didn't, he sends me mixed signals and keeps me guessing and frustrated.

yes, it might work out if we'd a better communication. so I know I'm not wasting my time on someone who's not capable of intimacy (both emotional and physical). but frankly, I won't be "friends" with someone I knows for the purpose of dating.





IcecreamMoon wrote :
To answer your thread question - probably not.

But blaming yourself is rather useless.
Being who you are and starting off as friends is always a good start in my book.

3 possibilities in my mind -
1. The worst that can happen - you realize that you have incompatible personalities and you your separate ways. From what you've described, I don't think this is going to be the case.
2. You make a good friend.
3. Your friendship develops into a relationship, built on solid foundation of friendship and respect.

I don't see anything wrong with either. So, I would pursue further.

Good luck!
- July 25th, 2009, 08:42 am
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treeye treeye is offline
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I still think it's unfair to the other person, if she's more romantically interested in you. I'd say if you havn't clearly stated your intention of only being friend with her, then you're leading her on.

I learned my lesson already. next time I'll be more smart to tell or ask about a guy's intentions and save myself a lot of time and heart ache.


jayjay wrote :
From the little you described about this guy....he could be me with many of my dates. I like number of the women I've gone out with, on a friendly basis, and wouldn't mind going on a few fun outings with them because I've enjoyed talking and interacting with them. Still, I don't have any romantic intentions toward them. However, I don't think I'd continue seeing any of these women for several months as you described, unless my intentions toward them were clear.
- July 25th, 2009, 08:49 am
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