Is he shy, or just messing with me?


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teena is offline teena Post #1  July 24,2009, 12:41am
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Ok, in early june I sent a wink to a man whos profile I liked. A week later I get a responce from him-he likes my proflie, and picks, was a bit concerned about the distance (over an hour drive) ask if im open it being long distance. So we send e-mails back and forth for two more weeks. Hes making plans to drive by where I live, want to meet on his wasy home. we exchange phone#s, dosent call, I dont here from him for two more weeks. then I get a comunacatioun from him, apolgizing about the no call, no show. we get on I.M. flirt, talk and he says we should meet, still no date planed!,on this round, we have been comunacating for a week now. How should I go about telling him(without sounding crazy) that I am getting tired of the cat and mouse thing, and if he IS intrested we need to make a date already!
 
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SoOverIt is offline SoOverIt Post #2  July 24,2009, 12:50am
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By telling him exactly what you just posted here. To be honest though, if a guy does a no-show on me with no good explanation I would take that as a pretty significant heads up as to how any relationship with him might go. Do you want to date someone who's unreliable and uncommunicative? If it were me I'd just pass on the whole deal.
 
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cwhite1028 is offline cwhite1028 Post #3  July 24,2009, 4:34am
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I have to agree with SoOverIt in that you need to come out and tell him. Then he knows exactly where you stand and the two of you can meet or move on.

No shows are the worst personally unless it they have a very good reason for the no call / no show, I move on.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #4  July 24,2009, 5:06am
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Yeah, don't be subtle about the fact that you're upset. Tell him you're getting tired of the games.

There is a chance that this could scare him off, but at the same time, you probably don't want to be involved with an indecisive partner that might flake out regularly.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 24,2009, 6:20am
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Here are the important questions:

1. Are YOU a Mouse he is trying to "catch" or "entrap" in any way he can (expensive twins of Swiss cheese and Swiss chocolate, etc)?
2. Is HE an Independent Purry Meowy but Scratchy Cat? or Merely a Noble-Minded Evolutionary Frog? Or maybe a Lion (and don't even get me started on certain attributes of lions, some of which are rather phenomenal, while others are nothing but basal, I'm afraid...).


P.S. This is not a joke and I'm not taking your question lightly. You introduced the imagery yourself, and it must have been for a reason (conscious or subconscious variety).

And did I mention I was a psycho?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  July 24,2009, 6:45am
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[quote=teena;684926]
How should I go about telling him(without sounding crazy) that I am getting tired of the cat and mouse thing, and if he IS intrested we need to make a date already!

[quote=SoOverIt;684931]
To be honest though, if a guy does a no-show on me with no good explanation I would take that as a pretty significant heads up as to how any relationship with him might go. Do you want to date someone who's unreliable and uncommunicative? If it were me I'd just pass on the whole deal.

[quote=cwhite1028;684966]
No shows are the worst personally unless it they have a very good reason for the no call / no show, I move on

[quote=MicMan;684984]
There is a chance that this could scare him off, but at the same time, you probably don't want to be involved with an indecisive partner that might flake out regularly

[quote=IcecreamMoon;685007]
1. Are YOU a Mouse he is trying to "catch" or "entrap" in any way he can (expensive twins of Swiss cheese and Swiss chocolate, etc)?
2. Is HE an Independent Purry Meowy but Scratchy Cat?
And did I mention I was a psycho?




Never let it be said I can't be agreeable!
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  July 24,2009, 6:52am
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This guy is looking for booty call on the way home to his wife/ girlfriend from work, not a date. He's seeing if you are game, when not, he is flirting/chatting with anyone else who is. His "game" is drop by on the way home for booty, nothing more.
teena wrote :
OK, in early June I sent a wink to a man who's profile I liked. A week later I get a response from him-he likes my profile, and picks, was a bit concerned about the distance (over an hour drive) ask if I'm open it being long distance. So we send e-mails back and forth for two more weeks. He's making plans to drive by where I live, want to meet on his way home. we exchange phone#s, doesn't call, I don't here from him for two more weeks. then I get a communication from him, apologizing about the no call, no show. we get on I.M. flirt, talk and he says we should meet, still no date planned!,on this round, we have been communicating for a week now. How should I go about telling him(without sounding crazy) that I am getting tired of the cat and mouse thing, and if he IS interested we need to make a date already!
 
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Andrewthecarrotman is offline Andrewthecarrotman Post #8  July 24,2009, 6:53am
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If it were me, I'd ditch em. You sounds like you talked with him for a while and got a good rapport going. You never want someone who is going to flake out, especially on the first date. Don't play games and don't let them get played on you.

But...

If you want to keep him...

Use your best guess on how he will respond to you being more agressive. Badly, steer a conversation torward it slowly. Ok, just ask him why he nc/ns. Well, remind him that the relationship is long distance and stress that it is important that both people show. Driving an hour to meet someone is a lot of distance for someone to flake out.

To answer your question- messing with you. The "work" that it takes to get the girl to the first date is always the hardest part for someone shy. A shy person would almost assuredly show up. Someone extremely shy would just have trouble talking and you would have to intiate all the conversation
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  July 24,2009, 7:16am
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There is nothing in your post that would lead me to think this guy is shy. He is just not that interested in you and probably has other matches that he is going out with that are not long distance.

He also sounds like he may be a player.

I would close him out and move on. Nothing good is going to come from him.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  July 24,2009, 7:19am
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He does not sound even remotely shy. He does seem like he is not interested enough in you to make the effort. In short, you are kind of a backburner thing, just in case one day he finds himself bored and alone.
 
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