"I don't need any more friends."


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #31  July 23,2009, 7:46pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

If I start off looking for a relationship (which is why I am on eHarmony) I am not looking to create friendhsips. I have never remained friends with a girl that I had dated.
 
  Reply With Quote
Mangosteen is offline Mangosteen Post #32  July 23,2009, 10:24pm
Mangosteen's Avatar

sleeeepy

Pacesetter

Joined: Dec 2008

Southwest

Posts: 378

See profile

Wow. It's funny how much people disagree on this one... to the OP, I find nothing wrong with the gal's comment. I have many times wanted to say, "I don't have time for more friends!!" but I haven't for not wanting to sound rude.

There are only so many hours in the day and I feel like sometimes it's hard to keep up with the friends that I already have. That's not to say I wouldn't have some time to include a new person if they would fit into my group of friends or if I thought they were really awesome. Then again, if I thought they were really awesome, then I'd probably want to be dating them, rather than just friends.

...so her comment seems perfectly reasonable to me, if a bit harsh.
 
  Reply With Quote
bwr is offline bwr Post #33  July 23,2009, 10:51pm
bwr's Avatar

wants to become relevant again

Enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2008

AZ

Posts: 591

See profile

NiceGuysFinishFirst wrote :
I actually had a woman tell me last year, "I don't need any more friends." We e-mailed each other and talked on the phone and initially I was attracted to her, but the more I got to know her I knew we weren't a good fit. So I told her that I didn't think we were a good fit, but if she still wanted to be friends that was cool. And that's when she told me how she's not looking for friends and she already has enough friends.

Now, I really don't like rejecting people. I know how hard it is for me and I tried to be as discreet about it as I could, but there's no way to reject someone easily. It hurts. And I know that. But I would rather be honest with someone than to tell them what they want to hear and delay the inevitable shootdown. So I can understand her being frustrated, if not, peeved at me. But what's wrong with going out on a couple of dates with someone and then not feeling any connection, but still remaining friends? And since when was there a cap on friends? I always thought that friends were like starting pitchers in baseball-you can never have too many.

Has any other man or woman had a similar experience?
I think she is just frustrated from getting rejected over and over and not finding a romantic partner. A person can only take so much rejection.

She probably has something that she needs to work on that is turning men away from romance.

I know I got rejected badly all year - didn't even make a friend. I finally realized my obesity is the problem and am working on it. I am so worn down from rejection, I am having difficulty trying right now.
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #34  July 23,2009, 11:28pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,405

See profile

NiceGuysFinishFirst wrote :
True, but isn't it also true that most relationships start off as friendships?

No, not true. You're made a "friend" because she isn't attracted to you. You don't change territories. Don't be friends first. You gotta jump right in.
 
  Reply With Quote
ActionSoftGuy is offline ActionSoftGuy Post #35  July 23,2009, 11:51pm
ActionSoftGuy's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Mar 2009

Burbank, CA

Posts: 151

See profile

Personally, I'd be with the girl here. If I went out on a couple of dates and wasn't interested in a romantic relationship, I'd likely not want to pursue friendship either. That's for a variety of reasons, one being that we weren't friends to start with, another being the distance usually involved in eH matches, and finally, the lack of interest in a romantic relationship has been in my cases usually due to various incompatibilities that would also make me not too interested in pursuing friendship. Not that I couldn't be friends with that person, but why bother?

The purpose of dating was to establish whether this would lead to interest in a romantic relationship. And if the discovery is "no" then I'd usually just want to move on. Trying to be friends with everyone I dated would be rather time-consuming, and somewhat awkward too.
Last edited by ActionSoftGuy; July 23,2009 at 11:54pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
MizzS is offline MizzS Post #36  July 24,2009, 12:59am
MizzS's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

Ohio

Posts: 24

See profile

More than likely she really liked you and when you said that it could of brought up memories. Like hey we are getting along great oh wait just friends? So we are friends and I have to be around you and still feel the burn of rejection? Sounds great


lol ok so I had a little to much fun writing that...
 
  Reply With Quote
waltercl is offline waltercl Post #37  July 24,2009, 4:00am
waltercl's Avatar

is Feeling good about life ............................

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

The South

Posts: 1,711

See profile

This might be one of those rare threads where everyone is right

I don't have time for many casual friendships, and I'd really only want to invest time in someone that I felt had long-term potential. I see this as a judicious use of what little spare time someone may have.

On the other hand while she might be making a factual statement, she is also probably making that statement from the perspective that she is interested in having more and just being a friend would remind her of that and this would be too painful.

As we all know this is one of the many reasons why poofing is so popular. No matter how well intentioned someone might be, and no matter how careful one might be with their words, the person being rejected may not take it too well and then have something to say about it. Not saying it is right, but just saying.
 
  Reply With Quote
healthb is offline healthb Post #38  July 24,2009, 5:37am
healthb's Avatar

adore les stylings vocaux du Passi et Oxmo Poccino..

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2007

Virginia

Posts: 315

See profile

When my ex and I ended things recently, we both knew it was for the best, because our core values were too different, but we also really enjoyed hanging out together so we became good friends. ...and not just the type you occasionally meet for dinner, we are great activity partners - play tennis a few times a week, play volleyball on weekends, occasionally watch our favorite t.v. shows, dance together (as we do it so well) and have potluck. There's no confusion about the relationship though, it's strictly plutonic and that's the way it will stay.

Most exes can't end quite so amicably. I dated another fellow and we broke up in an unexpected way. It was right, but with him, I needed a little time to process things, but he didn't understand that and now we are cordial, but being a closer friend with him would be more challenging, because he didn't give me time. It's hard to go backward sometimes, but the small victories make it worth the journey.
Last edited by healthb; July 24,2009 at 5:42am.
 
  Reply With Quote
robv_la is offline robv_la Post #39  July 24,2009, 2:29pm
robv_la's Avatar

Looking forward to another snow season

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2008

Long Beach, CA

Posts: 1,333

See profile

I think DancingFool has it right here. You put out being a friend to ease the rejection, she brushed it aside and just moved on.
 
  Reply With Quote
flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #40  July 24,2009, 11:48pm
flowerchild66's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 336

See profile

NiceGuysFinishFirst wrote :
So I told her that I didn't think we were a good fit, but if she still wanted to be friends that was cool. And that's when she told me how she's not looking for friends and she already has enough friends.
I agree with DancingFool and a few others, but I'd like to add that your phraseology might have heightened her disappointment.

You didn't present this to her in a way that demonstrated you appreciated and valued her qualities and desired her companionship in spite of the fact that you found the two of you incompatible relationship wise. What you did was throw her a bone, "If YOU still want to..." not, "I really enjoy hanging out with you and would like to..." Very important distinction. It's like you condescended to take her on or something...a pity friendship. Can you really blame her for opting out?
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« He claims he's "scared." | Dating | did I do the right thing breaking it off? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Problems with "I Love You" pixie11 Relationships 36 March 12,2011 12:36pm
If a past love contacts you and says "I still miss you every single day"? Bushido45 Ask a Dating Expert 25 February 7,2011 4:35pm
"I still miss you every single day"?? Bushido45 Relationships 9 May 18,2009 6:57pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Wow Legend, you have been through a lot! OP, about 2 months ago, I went gluten-free and dairy-free with the exception of an occasional greek yogurt with fruit a few times a week. My main reason why ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ I did not discourage the OP from meeting him....just wanted her to also be sure to be safe and not throw caution to the wind. I hope she has a great time and posts to the board how successful her ... ” –  legend29

Join the “a match wants to meet me in a foreign country” discussion

“The perpetrator at my work has slowed their controlling ways a bit. But, I think the damage is done for some and she will never be anything but an annoyance to them. She's much quieter, though seems ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Who's the Boss?” discussion

“Oh, I forgot to give an example from my family of origin. Both my grandpa and my father had their own successful businesses. We lived together in a 4 floor building occupying different flats but we ... ” –  elliechris

Join the “When is friendship a problem” discussion

“Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value.” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Very discouraged.” discussion

“ I figured it had something to do with that "hair gel" that Cameron Diaz was using in the movie "There's Something About Mary"...” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I used to do this in my youth. A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:43am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0