Gained weight - will I ever date again?


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ravennesky is offline ravennesky Post #1  July 22,2009, 12:38pm
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I gained a lot of weight due to medical problems. Which is part of my main problem. If I had gained due to eating Ben and Jerry's ever day or something than it soften the blow. I gained a lot of weight VERY fast, so I quite seeing all of my friends and am deathly afraid to date now. I'm on the right meds and have stopped gaining but it's not making the pounds melt off, once they are on you they are on you and its work to get it off. But I am finding it hard not having it come off as quickly as it came on and it's suffocating my dating life - what is a girl to do? Because this girl, is lost!
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #2  July 22,2009, 12:53pm
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If you're on the correct meds and you're watching your intake; then, all you have to do is wait and get reevaluated. Perhaps just follow your discharge instructions from your medical provider. If you can exercise, then do so; which, is good advice regardless. What medical condition is it, hypothyroidism or something?
 
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zal is offline zal Post #3  July 22,2009, 1:16pm
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ravennesky wrote :
I gained a lot of weight due to medical problems. Which is part of my main problem. If I had gained due to eating Ben and Jerry's ever day or something than it soften the blow. I gained a lot of weight VERY fast, so I quite seeing all of my friends and am deathly afraid to date now. I'm on the right meds and have stopped gaining but it's not making the pounds melt off, once they are on you they are on you and its work to get it off. But I am finding it hard not having it come off as quickly as it came on and it's suffocating my dating life - what is a girl to do? Because this girl, is lost!
First and foremost, you must be patient. The weight is supposed to come off slowly. It's not healthy to drastically drop a lot weight. Like KFF, I think I'd need a little more info about what medical condition, but I wouldn't recommend you posting it (which is a bit of a dilemma isn't it?) So just generally, did your medical condition cause the weight gain (as in a glandular problem, say) or did you have a condition which required certain medication that caused the weight gain? Did your condition prevent you from being active or exercising? Certain drugs will cause weight gain directly (i.e. Prednisone) while other medications may cause the user to unconsciously eat more.

Regardless, patience is a virtue in weight loss. Also, it's obviously important to talk to your doctor.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  July 22,2009, 1:18pm
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Surely surely surely your friends do not care what you look like. Instead of hiding from them, you may want to seek out their company, support and the laughter that you seem to need.

You may be surprised how much your friends may actually uplift your mood and improve your self-esteem. All kind of crud happens in life and your friends are the last people in the world who will abandon you in your time of need.

As for dating...well...you have to accept your situation and like yourself anyway and keep your head high. Not all men are looking for scrawny sylphs, so you may be surprised. Get your girlfriends together and go shopping with them for some sexy dating clothes. Get advice from them, have a little fun with yourself, and buy some things that make you feel good, look good, feel confident, sexy and attractive so that when you go out to meet someone, what they see first and foremost is your confidence and your fun side. Trust me it will go a long way in dating.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  July 22,2009, 2:22pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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No easy way around it. If you're overweight then there will be fewer men who will be interested in dating you. That isn't to say that you won't be able to find dates....just that it won't be as easy. Just do the best you can. Good luck.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  July 22,2009, 2:39pm
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Yes, you will date again. Stay on the medical program prescribed to you, and just be yourself (assuming you are a decent woman). Will you get as many prospects as a woman who is not overweight? Maybe not, but quality is more important than quantity.
 
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Test_monkey is offline Test_monkey Post #7  July 22,2009, 2:42pm
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Other than the obvious advice of "stay positive, eat healthy, and exercise" all I can offer is a bit of hope.

Two women that are very close to me went through something similar (rapid weight gain due to meds). One is married and lost all of the weight already and the other is a few months into a great relationship but is still in the process of losing the weight.

Not all guys view overweight due to medical reasons the same as someone that is overweight due to lack of healthy habits. I should know - my girlfriend is one of the women I mentioned above.

To be perfectly honest though, if my gf had a defeatist attitude about losing the weight, I would not have asked her out. A person that's given up and feeling sorry for herself isn't very attractive no matter what her body looks like.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  July 22,2009, 3:21pm
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ravennesky wrote :
I gained a lot of weight due to medical problems. Which is part of my main problem. If I had gained due to eating Ben and Jerry's ever day or something than it soften the blow. I gained a lot of weight VERY fast, so I quite seeing all of my friends and am deathly afraid to date now. I'm on the right meds and have stopped gaining but it's not making the pounds melt off, once they are on you they are on you and its work to get it off. But I am finding it hard not having it come off as quickly as it came on and it's suffocating my dating life - what is a girl to do? Because this girl, is lost!

When did weight gain become a crime worthy of (self-imposed) jail sentence?

When did overweight people lose their capacity to love and be loved?

When did slightly overweight start being ugly instead of sensually beautiful (hint: Rembrandt for eg.)?


Let's reverse this one -
You need to find yourself before you can address any of the issues stated before this cruicial question in your post.

Get a lot of love and a lot of support from your support network of friends and loved ones. Don't ever be ashamed to ask for help when you need it - people who care about you will help "selflessly" because they need you to stick around for as long as possible, to add value and love to their own lives, and also to give it back to you in return. Simple - not a complicated puzzle at all.

Seeing a cognitive behavioral psychologist would also be of benefit - cognitive behavioral approach brings the most successful results in this area. It deals with identifying the cognitive cause of behavior, then treating both the cause and the behavior simultaneously. It is quite simple and not scary at all. In fact, it makes all the sense in the world for inquiring minds.

Obesity (and I don't think you are obese, btw) and anorexia (as well as a host of other eating and other disorders) have the same CAUSE - SELF IMAGE PROBLEM.

Some sufferers over-eat, some under-eat as a result. The mechanism is largely dependant on our chemical compositions, including hormones.

Start addressing the CAUSE first! URGENTLY! before you cause yourself some serious psychological damage, which is much more difficult to cure than weight symptoms.

Then do some medical blood testing to see where your chemicals are at this stage. After that use common sense and real expert advice (from a medical doctor or a certified nutritionist, not self-"help") to devise a meal and exercise plan to get you back into a healthy weight range (and no, it's nowhere near size 0), depending on your own personal chemical composition.

And it's perfectly Okay to have an occasional piece of chocolate, or even some ice cream (Ben & Jerry or even Tom & Jerry variety ) from time to time. It is not and should never be considerred cheating. If you make it into a "forbidden fruit", you will only be setting yourself up for failure, and what would be the point of that?

Losing weight is also not a jail sentence. Life is to be savored and enjoyed. It is all about healthy balance. There is a very wide range of healthy ways of achieving this balance, without hurting yourself or anyone else in the process. And it can be a whole lot of fun too, especially if you find a friend to join you!

Good Luck and only the Best of Results!
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #9  July 22,2009, 3:31pm
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If you're really concerned about your weight, ask your doctor to recommend a nutritionist/weight control expert, to help you plan a diet and exercise regimen which will help you lose weight safely without putting your health and well being at risk. Likely a diet high in unprocessed foods, fruits and veggies and whole grains will help you.
 
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NiceGuysFinishFirst is offline NiceGuysFinishFirst Post #10  July 22,2009, 3:55pm

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ravennesky wrote :
I gained a lot of weight due to medical problems. Which is part of my main problem. If I had gained due to eating Ben and Jerry's ever day or something than it soften the blow. I gained a lot of weight VERY fast, so I quite seeing all of my friends and am deathly afraid to date now. I'm on the right meds and have stopped gaining but it's not making the pounds melt off, once they are on you they are on you and its work to get it off. But I am finding it hard not having it come off as quickly as it came on and it's suffocating my dating life - what is a girl to do? Because this girl, is lost!
You got to take it one step at a time. Try doing some light exercise and then gradually increase. Eat healthy foods and drink lots of water. But, and this is important, make sure that you're doing this for you, not for your friends, your prospective dates or anyone else. Focus on you and quit worrying about what other people think. If you have confidence and you're comfortable in your own skin, you'll attract more people than you think.
 
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