Eharmony Horror Story - What would you do?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
ravennesky is offline ravennesky Post #1  July 22,2009, 12:07pm
ravennesky's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

Arizona

Posts: 9

See profile

I signed on during Ehamrony communication weekend. I met someone right away, we got along, our humor clicked. Right away I told him how I looked that I had gained weight due to some health issues, told him what sizes I wore. He was 7 years older than me. Heavier than I usually would date and also not quite as attractive as my usual BUT the chemistry was GREAT. We talked several times per week for many hours. For months we talked. I had sent him a picture with myself and my aunt. After he got the picture he calls me telling me how pretty I am, making a lot of sexual jokes, and than starts asking me some questions about how in my previous pictures my hair was straighter and not as dark. Finally I realize he has confused me with my Aunt which was odd since he had seen several pictures of me before. We get off the phone and right away I email him saying it's ok that he got confused in case he was humiliated. Well he stopped talking to me - no email, no explaniation, NOTHING. Which was insane because of how great we got along. We had even stated that if a relationship would not happen a friendship would atleast be there because of how amazing we got along. I was up front right away with him and I just don't get it......any thoughts, advice, or worse stories than mine?
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  July 22,2009, 12:12pm
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,603

See profile

ravennesky wrote :
I signed on during Ehamrony communication weekend. I met someone right away, we got along, our humor clicked. Right away I told him how I looked that I had gained weight due to some health issues, told him what sizes I wore. He was 7 years older than me. Heavier than I usually would date and also not quite as attractive as my usual BUT the chemistry was GREAT. We talked several times per week for many hours. For months we talked.
{snipped}
You moved slower than a glacier and drug out the talking too long. He was probably already communicating with at least one other person (which is what you should be doing) and he became more interested in someone else.

Edit: To answer the title question, I would just chalk one up to experience and move on. Lesson learned: After a couple phone conversations meet up as soon as possible and determine if there is anything there worthy of more invested time.
Last edited by tweet37; July 22,2009 at 12:15pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
ravennesky is offline ravennesky Post #3  July 22,2009, 12:23pm
ravennesky's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2009

Arizona

Posts: 9

See profile

I was talking to other people but just didn't click the way we HAD....yeah I was scared to meet up and it seems my reasons were rather valid
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  July 22,2009, 12:29pm
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,603

See profile

ravennesky wrote :
I was talking to other people but just didn't click the way we HAD....yeah I was scared to meet up and it seems my reasons were rather valid
It seems there is more to your story than you had originally led on. Why were you scared to meet up? Your reason was valid because he 'poofed'?
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  July 22,2009, 12:33pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,744

See profile

ravennesky wrote :
I was talking to other people but just didn't click the way we HAD....yeah I was scared to meet up and it seems my reasons were rather valid
Scared to meet why? Valid how exactly? What in the world do you think will happen if you meet in a busy public place for coffee for fifteen minutes or so? If you like each other, you'll have fun, and if not you'll drink your coffee, smile politely and leave and never see him again.

What most likely happened is he moved forward with someone he actually did meet in real life and stopped talking to you so he is not cheating on his real life relationship. What you have built up with him is a mere illusion of a connection. Sure it feels real, but until you meet and make it real, it's not. The internet dating sites only serve to introduce you to people, it's up to you to take it to the real world. There is no such thing as internet dating - you simply cannot have a relationship with pixels.
 
  Reply With Quote
KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #6  July 22,2009, 12:46pm
KungFuFtr's Avatar

I just saved a bundle on child support by switching to condoms!

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

San Antonio Texas

Posts: 1,025

See profile

ravennesky wrote :
I signed on during Ehamrony communication weekend. I met someone right away, we got along, our humor clicked. Right away I told him how I looked that I had gained weight due to some health issues, told him what sizes I wore. He was 7 years older than me. Heavier than I usually would date and also not quite as attractive as my usual BUT the chemistry was GREAT. We talked several times per week for many hours. For months we talked. I had sent him a picture with myself and my aunt. After he got the picture he calls me telling me how pretty I am, making a lot of sexual jokes, and than starts asking me some questions about how in my previous pictures my hair was straighter and not as dark. Finally I realize he has confused me with my Aunt which was odd since he had seen several pictures of me before. We get off the phone and right away I email him saying it's ok that he got confused in case he was humiliated. Well he stopped talking to me - no email, no explaniation, NOTHING. Which was insane because of how great we got along. We had even stated that if a relationship would not happen a friendship would atleast be there because of how amazing we got along. I was up front right away with him and I just don't get it......any thoughts, advice, or worse stories than mine?
Thoughts or advice?
I make it a rule to always talk to someone over the phone prior to meeting; find out what year or century their pic was taken and to limit phone conversations to a max of 3 before meeting for coffee.

I'm not a big fan of talking for months at a time, prior to an initial meeting; unless the person is in a foreign country or a state/federal penitentiary... I view phone/email connections as very limited. Online dating is very much a number's game. I am sent matches for me to choose from; basically, like a catalog. All of my matches get the same luxury. So, the quicker I can talk, meet and charm my matches to fall mind numbingly, drop dead, head over heels crazily in love with me...the better.

Perhaps the guy met someone else; got bored or dropped into the friend's zone.
 
  Reply With Quote
graceventually is offline graceventually Post #7  July 22,2009, 12:51pm
graceventuall…'s Avatar

was married Nov.28, and is no longer active on this site.

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2008

Posts: 3,056

See profile

DancingFool wrote :
Scared to meet why? Valid how exactly? What in the world do you think will happen if you meet in a busy public place for coffee for fifteen minutes or so? If you like each other, you'll have fun, and if not you'll drink your coffee, smile politely and leave and never see him again.

What most likely happened is he moved forward with someone he actually did meet in real life and stopped talking to you so he is not cheating on his real life relationship. What you have built up with him is a mere illusion of a connection. Sure it feels real, but until you meet and make it real, it's not. The internet dating sites only serve to introduce you to people, it's up to you to take it to the real world. There is no such thing as internet dating - you simply cannot have a relationship with pixels.

Hear, hear!

When I clicked on this thread, I thought, "oh no, what's happened?" I thought someone had been hurt at a meeting, or perhaps taken advantage of by an unscrupulous person. In short, I took "Horror story" literally. But this is....well, I apologize in advance for hurting the OP's feelings, but this isn't a "horror", it is simply what happens in online-only communication. Now, if that's not what you're seeking, then you meet. In a public place before giving out a lot of public information, yes; but you meet. Soon. It's not a relationship until you do.
 
  Reply With Quote
robv_la is offline robv_la Post #8  July 22,2009, 2:09pm
robv_la's Avatar

Looking forward to another snow season

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2008

Long Beach, CA

Posts: 1,333

See profile

I agree with the consensus here, don't spend so much time chatting online or on the phone before meeting. It's all fantasy building until you meet in person.
 
  Reply With Quote
Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #9  July 22,2009, 2:13pm
Raw_Truth's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Posts: 1,495

See profile

I don't mean to offend with my directness, but my 98% guess is that he was turned off by your picture. Further, most men aren't on the Internet dating sites looking for female friends, no matter what they say.
 
  Reply With Quote
LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #10  July 22,2009, 3:43pm
LavenderField…'s Avatar

is going to play w/RIF in NYC!

Community Leader Alum

Joined: Dec 2008

Lalaland

Posts: 1,076

See profile

Ravennesky, sorry it happened to you; but unfortunately is yet another 'poofer' story. We all have a bunch to tell.

Lesson learnt, move on. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Bothered by something lately... | Dating | What to do on a first date? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
50% closed with reason other on first communication mzzButterfly Using eHarmony 33 March 13,2011 10:13am
eHarmony Profile Workshop: Question 8: "What's The One Thing People Don't Notice About You...?" eHA_Admin_Lori Using eHarmony 57 November 9,2010 2:02pm
Last Minute Success on eHarmony! eH_Advice_Admin_Lori Success Stories 12 May 15,2010 8:15pm
EHarmony payments passat1 Using eHarmony 14 July 22,2009 12:32pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Wow Legend, you have been through a lot! OP, about 2 months ago, I went gluten-free and dairy-free with the exception of an occasional greek yogurt with fruit a few times a week. My main reason why ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Living Without....” discussion

“ I did not discourage the OP from meeting him....just wanted her to also be sure to be safe and not throw caution to the wind. I hope she has a great time and posts to the board how successful her ... ” –  legend29

Join the “a match wants to meet me in a foreign country” discussion

“The perpetrator at my work has slowed their controlling ways a bit. But, I think the damage is done for some and she will never be anything but an annoyance to them. She's much quieter, though seems ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Who's the Boss?” discussion

“Oh, I forgot to give an example from my family of origin. Both my grandpa and my father had their own successful businesses. We lived together in a 4 floor building occupying different flats but we ... ” –  elliechris

Join the “When is friendship a problem” discussion

“Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value.” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Very discouraged.” discussion

“ I figured it had something to do with that "hair gel" that Cameron Diaz was using in the movie "There's Something About Mary"...” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I used to do this in my youth. A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:43am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0