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mylifesabeach is offline mylifesabeach Post #1  July 22,2009, 1:27am
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This is in reference to a past relationship. Why would someone come on to you and make out with you a lot pretty early on and continue to do this a few more times, but still not yet having sex (because you were slowing things down). And then all the sudden tell you good bye.

This is a past relationship that I wasn't necessarily counting on lasting for many reasons but was still kinda surprised. In the past when I have had men pursue me they usually did not give up until AFTER we were sleeping together not RIGHT before. I was nice to this person but it had to be a zero pressure relationship for him because I just was not visualizing it being long term so made no demands or whatever you want to call it a all.

By the way this is not my typical scenario. I am a rules girl if you know what that means.

But I find men very confusing.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  July 22,2009, 1:46am
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mylifesabeach wrote :
This is in reference to a past relationship. Why would someone come on to you and make out with you a lot pretty early on and continue to do this a few more times, but still not yet having sex (because you were slowing things down). And then all the sudden tell you good bye.

This is a past relationship that I wasn't necessarily counting on lasting for many reasons but was still kinda surprised. In the past when I have had men pursue me they usually did not give up until AFTER we were sleeping together not RIGHT before. I was nice to this person but it had to be a zero pressure relationship for him because I just was not visualizing it being long term so made no demands or whatever you want to call it a all.

By the way this is not my typical scenario. I am a rules girl if you know what that means.

But I find men very confusing.
My guess is he probably found someone who was going to give him what he wanted--meaningless sex. OR he realized he was fighting a losing battle and just gave up. Either way, you are so much better off without him!

Best wishes!
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #3  July 22,2009, 3:46am
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Both women and men are very confusing!! Trust me, you think is them but we have our issues to.

I also think depends on where you live. In these neck of the woods men have a lot of women to choose from, so in fact many wait for us to make a move since we are the ones who decide ultimately anyway.

You do say you are a rules girl, but beware many people do not believe in those rules (there have been other threads), so he may have realized that and cut you loose.

In my perspective, there are some kind of guidelines everybody follows on their own likeness, but when you meet your sunshine/ray of lightning/other half, etc; meaning somebody so compatible.. all the rules fall on the side. And for me that is an indication.. if he felt so incredibly compatible to you and you were applying rules, he figured maybe she ain't that into me.

My perspective, follow what you think is best, BUT listen to your gut (instincts! not that other gut!) ... go with the flow, give yourself a chance to 'fall' for somebody.

Lav
 
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RodeoClown11 is offline RodeoClown11 Post #4  July 22,2009, 4:05am
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Sounds like he wanted sex, you told him no, and he moved on. If thats all he wanted then maybe you're better off.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 22,2009, 4:07am
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Could it be that you were coming across as uninterested and unresponsive?

I could see how a guy would give it his best shot for a while, then eventually get tired and move on, if his interest wasn't reciprocated at all...

Just an idea, of course...
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #6  July 22,2009, 4:10am
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mylifesabeach wrote :
This is in reference to a past relationship. Why would someone come on to you and make out with you a lot pretty early on and continue to do this a few more times, but still not yet having sex (because you were slowing things down). And then all the sudden tell you good bye.

This is a past relationship that I wasn't necessarily counting on lasting for many reasons but was still kinda surprised. In the past when I have had men pursue me they usually did not give up until AFTER we were sleeping together not RIGHT before. I was nice to this person but it had to be a zero pressure relationship for him because I just was not visualizing it being long term so made no demands or whatever you want to call it a all.

By the way this is not my typical scenario. I am a rules girl if you know what that means.

But I find men very confusing.
Perhaps he could tell that you were using the rules on him... not that he's read the book, but a lot of the rules defy basic decency (never return his calls is the first one that comes to mind), and he decided not to put up with that anymore.

Maybe he could tell that it wasn't going to be long term as well. With you NOT making demands or having standards at the beginning, that could have contributed to him not being interested.

As for the making out, he was probably just living in the moment.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  July 22,2009, 6:34am
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Two comments from me on this one.

First I am not going to introduce sex into a relationship until it has gone to being an exclusive and committed relationship. This is certainly just me and I would suspect that this is not going to be the norm for a lot of guys.

In your particular situation you indicate that you started out "fast" and that YOU were trying to slow things down. I would suspect that your guy does not have the same values that I have and that he had not gotten into your pants by the whatever date that he lost interest. I would also suspect that if he had gotten into your pants by the whatever date that he would have accomplished what he was after and would have also not been interested in continuing with you as he would now have his sights set on his next conquest.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; July 22,2009 at 6:39am. Reason: Incomplete thought
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #8  July 22,2009, 6:56am
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I have to agree with most the other posters. A conflict of values. He wanted sex without a greater commitment. You didn't. He didn't want to invest any more time into trying to get what he wanted...SEX.

Not confusing at all. Just frustrating that he wasn't what you were looking for. The bright side: you held your boundaries and discovered an incompatibility (i.e., deal-breaker) early. Gotta' keep looking! Good luck!
Last edited by WYskywatcher2; July 22,2009 at 6:57am. Reason: brain thinks faster than the fingers can type.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  July 22,2009, 9:07am

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LavenderFields wrote :
Both women and men are very confusing!! Trust me, you think is them but we have our issues to.

I also think depends on where you live. In these neck of the woods men have a lot of women to choose from, so in fact many wait for us to make a move since we are the ones who decide ultimately anyway.

You do say you are a rules girl, but beware many people do not believe in those rules (there have been other threads), so he may have realized that and cut you loose.

In my perspective, there are some kind of guidelines everybody follows on their own likeness, but when you meet your sunshine/ray of lightning/other half, etc; meaning somebody so compatible.. all the rules fall on the side. And for me that is an indication.. if he felt so incredibly compatible to you and you were applying rules, he figured maybe she ain't that into me.

My perspective, follow what you think is best, BUT listen to your gut (instincts! not that other gut!) ... go with the flow, give yourself a chance to 'fall' for somebody.

Lav
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Didn't anyone tell you that rules were meant to be broken!

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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  July 22,2009, 11:18am
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Some men would perceive this as teasing, and cut their losses. They realize you have read these type of books and won't play by your rules.. Try being a little more sincere with men rather than playing rules games. While not sleeping with everyone you meet, especially early on, is a good idea, as is having a life and not being clingy or needy, being genuine is a quality that can be perceived as worthy of their pursuit
mylifesabeach wrote :
This is in reference to a past relationship. Why would someone come on to you and make out with you a lot pretty early on and continue to do this a few more times, but still not yet having sex (because you were slowing things down). And then all the sudden tell you good bye.
This is a past relationship that I wasn't necessarily counting on lasting for many reasons but was still kinda surprised. In the past when I have had men pursue me they usually did not give up until AFTER we were sleeping together not RIGHT before. I was nice to this person but it had to be a zero pressure relationship for him because I just was not visualizing it being long term so made no demands or whatever you want to call it a all.
By the way this is not my typical scenario. I am a rules girl if you know what that means.
But I find men very confusing.
 
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