comments on this confusing scenario


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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #11  July 22,2009, 12:13pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Two comments from me on this one.

First I am not going to introduce sex into a relationship until it has gone to being an exclusive and committed relationship. This is certainly just me and I would suspect that this is not going to be the norm for a lot of guys.

In your particular situation you indicate that you started out "fast" and that YOU were trying to slow things down. I would suspect that your guy does not have the same values that I have and that he had not gotten into your pants by the whatever date that he lost interest. I would also suspect that if he had gotten into your pants by the whatever date that he would have accomplished what he was after and would have also not been interested in continuing with you as he would now have his sights set on his next conquest.
I do that too- I generally wait on sex until things have gone past infatuation and further into serious coupling. *grin* Kissing, snuggling, making out- these things I just go with the flow. But I put the brakes on sex until I know more of what kind of person they are.

To the OP- from the information you've given, it sounds like this is a sex question- but keep in mind that may not be the case. Minority opinion, but there are other early relationship killers out there. But basically I'd say he discovered some incompatibility that finally made him give it up. Might have been sex, who knows? Like these other fine people have said- better to know now than get burned later. Good luck in your future endeavours, lass! There's bound to be one out there that makes you feel just right, who feels just the same about you. Who knows? Maybe he'll be the one for whom you don't need the rules anymore... *grin*
 
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zal is offline zal Post #12  July 22,2009, 12:42pm
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mylifesabeach wrote :
This is in reference to a past relationship. Why would someone come on to you and make out with you a lot pretty early on and continue to do this a few more times, but still not yet having sex (because you were slowing things down). And then all the sudden tell you good bye.

This is a past relationship that I wasn't necessarily counting on lasting for many reasons but was still kinda surprised. In the past when I have had men pursue me they usually did not give up until AFTER we were sleeping together not RIGHT before. I was nice to this person but it had to be a zero pressure relationship for him because I just was not visualizing it being long term so made no demands or whatever you want to call it a all.

By the way this is not my typical scenario. I am a rules girl if you know what that means.

But I find men very confusing.
Maybe he was as confused as I am reading your post. You were making out with him but were slowing things down. You "weren't counting on the "relationship lasting for many reasons". You were "nice to this person" (whatever that means) "but it had to be a zero pressure relationship . . . because I just was not visualizing it being a long term[.]"
My interpretation of all that = no sex short term but no possibility of a long term relationship. He may have just realized he was wasting his time or thought you were using him (if (and only if because I don't have the info) he was paying for the dates).

"I am a rules girl, if you know what that means." Which rules? There are so many.

I disagree with the posters who suggest that he was just after sex and bolted because he didn't get it. I'll concede that it's possible. It's also possible that he was looking for something more long term and serious. You were providing neither.

I agree with Wiseman. Forget the silly rules. Try sincerity and assertiveness instead. If you have boundaries let the guys know.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #13  July 22,2009, 1:19pm
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You're a "Rules Girl" eh? You know they sell that book to both sexes. Mine copy was $6.99. Perhaps he picked up on some of the tactics; maybe he sensed some incongruity; maybe he perceived the challenge too challenging...who knows? How long were you two dating?
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #14  July 22,2009, 2:16pm
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Well you didn't expect the relationship to last for a bunch of reasons. Chances are he felt the same way...or at least sensed you weren't really into the relationship.

Add to this that you didn't allow intimacy to progress past a certain point...

From the guy's perspective this adds up to:
she's not really into me, so I should find someone else who really wants to be with me emotionally and physically.

A lot of guys aren't content on just dating someone to avoid being single. They'd rather be single and look to start a strong relationship instead of passing the time in a lukewarm relationship.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #15  July 22,2009, 5:28pm
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What, exactly, do you mean when you say, "I am a rules girl if you know what that means"?
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #16  July 23,2009, 8:51am
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JDavid wrote :
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What, exactly, do you mean when you say, "I am a rules girl if you know what that means"?

There was a book put out several years ago called "The Rules". It was a book for women that involved manipulative tactics such as, rarely returns his phone calls; make him chase you and other prefeminist tactics for dating.
 
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zal is offline zal Post #17  July 23,2009, 1:15pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
There was a book put out several years ago called "The Rules". It was a book for women that involved manipulative tactics such as, rarely returns his phone calls; make him chase you and other prefeminist tactics for dating.
Let me guess, written by a man for women.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #18  July 23,2009, 11:27pm
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zal wrote :
Let me guess, written by a man for women.
Actually, it was written by two women. Their credentials...being married. The rules were hand me down information given by one of their grandmas.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #19  July 23,2009, 11:50pm
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
Could it be that you were coming across as uninterested and unresponsive?

I could see how a guy would give it his best shot for a while, then eventually get tired and move on, if his interest wasn't reciprocated at all...

Just an idea, of course...
yeah, me too.
 
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zal is offline zal Post #20  July 24,2009, 1:38pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
Actually, it was written by two women. Their credentials...being married. The rules were hand me down information given by one of their grandmas.
Thx
 
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