How Selective Are You?

I just realize that, as I am a very physical/outdoorsy/active person, I would go crazy if I had to spend the rest of my life with someone who not only wouldn't do those things with me but ultimately kept me from doing those things b/c he got upset everytime I did them without him. Plus, I'm looking for a life partner - someone I can do things with throughout our lives. A relationship doesn't seem so appealing if you each have distinctily different interests and don't get to do much together. Doing an activity with someone I love whether it be something like ballroom dancing or martial arts or hiking or swimming or whatever is always ten times better than either doing it by myself or god forbid - doing it when my SO makes me feel guilty about it. (intentionally or otherwise) Is it wrong to want to date someone who shares at least some of these activities? (and obviously I don't want a clone - I'd hope he would have interests he could open me up to as well!)

Not to mention the accidents ...

Is it wrong to want to date someone who shares at least some of these activities? (and obviously I don't want a clone - I'd hope he would have interests he could open me up to as well!)

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Now that’s a healthy attitude I can agree with. I understand the issue with the parent’s incompatible interests all too well. I wouldn’t want that for myself. Personally, I like to share some aspects of my life (no clones for me either- that would be scary!), but I need *me* time as well. I’ve found it works well (in past relationships) to have things we generally do separate, but not necessarily always and vice versa. When the ex and I danced, we rarely danced with others- if you know East Coast Swing, that might give you a clue as to why *grin* - but most often we had time set aside for separate interests and friends.

She played bass in a local band, and I didn’t groupie or hang about in practices. That was her time. Likewise, she didn’t hang on me while I was reading or road tripping (though I wouldn’t have minded, now and again). But hiking together and taking pictures together when we went on trips absolutely rocked. *grin* I want something like that again- not the exact same thing, but that easy companionship. Not guilt trips or nagging, either one. Share enough interests to enjoy together, have enough separate to keep growing- that’s what I want out of a relationship. Well, *part* of what I want. *grin*

Well said, Meri.

So random question, but do you tend to be more or less selective when you're deciding whether to date someone?

I'm not talking about things that might legitimately be called deal breakers like issues re: children, smoking, drug used, etc.

I'm curious more about things like height, weight, political beliefs, shared interests/activities, etc.

The reason I ask is that I find that when I first started dating I would go out with someone just b/c they were nice and I was attracted to them. I didn't really bother thinking about whether we were compatible on deeper levels, it was enough that we had fun together.

But now I find myself becoming a lot more selective. I'm sure you have to chalk it up to wear and tear to some extent - I mean who wants to go from relationship to relationship without any indication that the time and emotion you invest initially might actually pay off down the line?

Of course if you're too selective then you risk losing out on great potential relationships just because initially it didn't look like you had that much in common.

But I've also noticed how many people get into relationships and are moderately happy and so they settle down (perhaps the key word there being settle), and they don't seem to have found the person who really meshes well with them. Sure you could probably find a guy or girl that you'd be happy with, but will that relationship be the best one you could ever have?

Anyway, not sure if this makes sense, but I was just wondering how selective people are before they are willing to date someone? Thoughts?