Dating and Telephone Communication


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SouthernSweetie85 is offline SouthernSweetie85 Post #1  July 20,2009, 7:22am
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Okay, I've got a few questions...and I'm thinking someone has some answers

I know this is an online dating advice board but I'm sure this situation happens here, too. When you ladies meet a man and you go on a couple of dates...you might exchange phone numbers, right? Well...why is it that sometimes the guy doesn't really want to call you?

I'm not saying all men avoid calling their girlfriends...I'm just saying from past experience that the guy I was seeing didn't really want to call me...he wanted me to call him.

And...when I wanted to call him I didn't want him to think I was "keeping tabs" on him. I just wanted to talk. Also, I didn't want him to think I was "waiting around for him" to call me if he ever did tell me "I'll call you." I had a life, too, ya know

Is it just natural for certian men to want the woman to call them?

Personally, I would have liked it if the guy I was seeing would've took a few minutes out of his day to check on me.
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #2  July 20,2009, 9:12am
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Ah, but I think you've made an assumption. That is, you believe that a man doesn't want to call you but rather would like you to call him. As a guy, myself, I would say that in general guys do NOT want you to call. Specifically, I talking about the "call him at work" phone call or the "let's chit-chat" phone call. Most guys I know don't want to sit there and just chit-chat over stuff of little significance over the phone nor do they want to be bothered at work. We don't multi-task. We have a project and we focus on that until we've had our fill. We feel like we don't have the time to shoot the bull on the phone when we've got other things going on. If there is no reason to get an updated status then there isn't a logical reason that one would want to call.

Is there a reason why you feel like a guy should call you in the middle of the day to "check on how you are doing"? Maybe you do something dangerous for a living and the guy would need to check up on you from time to time to make sure you are okay? If you don't perform a dangerous job is it fair for us to assume everything is fine unless we get a phone call from you to tell us it isn't?

If you had a big presentation at work I'd probably call you, email you, or text you afterwords and ask you how it went. If you weren't scheduled to do anything extraordinary on a given day then I'd probably just wait for you to get home before calling. Perhaps I wouldn't call you if I knew that after work you went to the gym and ran errands. I'd probably assume you'd call me when you got home and had some time to settle in.

Maybe you could be more specific about your question because at this point I'm just rambling based on assumptions.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  July 20,2009, 9:47am
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SouthernSweetie85 wrote :
Okay, I've got a few questions...and I'm thinking someone has some answers

I know this is an online dating advice board but I'm sure this situation happens here, too. When you ladies meet a man and you go on a couple of dates...you might exchange phone numbers, right? Well...why is it that sometimes the guy doesn't really want to call you?
It may be that I don't like calling people on the phone. Maybe I feel that I would appear needy or clingy if I call you often.

I'm not saying all men avoid calling their girlfriends...I'm just saying from past experience that the guy I was seeing didn't really want to call me...he wanted me to call him.
See above. Or, I figure that you may be doing something and I feel that I may be interupting what you are doing therefore if you call me then it is at a time that is convient to you.

And...when I wanted to call him I didn't want him to think I was "keeping tabs" on him. I just wanted to talk. Also, I didn't want him to think I was "waiting around for him" to call me if he ever did tell me "I'll call you." I had a life, too, ya know
But if he calls you then he is not keeping tabs on you. Or he doesn't figure that you have no life. Or any of your other arguments don't apply if he calls you instead of you calling him.

Is it just natural for certain men to want the woman to call them?
Yes!

Personally, I would have liked it if the guy I was seeing would've took a few minutes out of his day to check on me.
Have you talked to him about this? Have you told him when you would like him to call? How often you would like him to call?
I think that you have pretty much answered all of your own questions.

BTDT I was the guy the you are describing. To just talk to someone I would rather do that in person than on the phone. I figured that we were going out twice a week and I call to set up each date. She went to exercise twice a week. To just call to talk on the other 3 days would make me appear needy or clinging. She never said anything about wishing that I would call more often. Nothing at all until she dumped me.
 
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SouthernSweetie85 is offline SouthernSweetie85 Post #4  July 20,2009, 10:06am
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Well, I see your point, AustinShaguar. Maybe I wasn't as clear on my question as I should've been.

The guy I was seeing didn't really want to "chit-chat" on the phone, just as you mentioned in your reply.

The phone was one of the main ways he and I had communication, though. We lived near each other (we didn't meet online..but rather we knew each other in person) but we didn't get to visit a whole lot (going on dates, ect...) The only way I really knew what was going on w/ him & his life or how he knew what was going on w/ me was by calling one another.

I was basically asking why some men don't like calling thier girlfriend on the phone...espically if it's one of the only communication devices you have to talk to one another.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  July 20,2009, 1:02pm
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I don’t have anything to ask her (and I don’t “call to talk.”) Telephones are for the brief exchange of factual information.
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  July 20,2009, 3:08pm
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[quote=D_Lion;680611]I don’t have anything to ask her (and I don’t “call to talk.”) Telephones are for the brief exchange of factual information.
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  July 20,2009, 3:12pm
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SouthernSweetie85 wrote :
Okay, I've got a few questions...and I'm thinking someone has some answers

I know this is an online dating advice board but I'm sure this situation happens here, too. When you ladies meet a man and you go on a couple of dates...you might exchange phone numbers, right? Well...why is it that sometimes the guy doesn't really want to call you?

I'm not saying all men avoid calling their girlfriends...I'm just saying from past experience that the guy I was seeing didn't really want to call me...he wanted me to call him.

And...when I wanted to call him I didn't want him to think I was "keeping tabs" on him. I just wanted to talk. Also, I didn't want him to think I was "waiting around for him" to call me if he ever did tell me "I'll call you." I had a life, too, ya know

Is it just natural for certian men to want the woman to call them?

Personally, I would have liked it if the guy I was seeing would've took a few minutes out of his day to check on me.
Some of us just don't like using the telephone. We're not as talkative as girls are.
 
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NiceGuysFinishFirst is offline NiceGuysFinishFirst Post #8  July 20,2009, 5:51pm

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Well, first of all let's just debunk this myth that "men don't call." SOME men don't call. Okay, MANY men don't call. But that doesn't mean ALL men don't call. I almost always initiate the first phone call and then we try to figure out a schedule when it's good to talk. That's all well and good, but eventually she wants to meet you and go out on a date. Some guys I've discovered are reticent about going out and meeting the woman and this is a turn-off for some women. They enjoy the telephone conversations and e-mails, but both are impersonal and nothing beats actual face-to-face conversation.

Just this past weekend I asked a woman for her phone number and then I gave her mine, but I told her I'd call her. Well, I was spending time with some family visiting out of town yesterday afternoon and then after I got home I was going to call her. She called me instead. I appreciate her calling me and I did give her my number, but personally I'd rather be the one to initiate the first phone call because I've found that most women prefer it that way.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #9  July 20,2009, 6:07pm
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Mr_Right wrote :
Some of us just don't like using the telephone. We're not as talkative as girls are.
All things being equal, I would prefer to keep the conversations short and factual, as I despise telephones and talking on them, ~~~ basically.

But... I adore women, and some of them are so funny and smart it's a joy to banter with them and learn from them, and now and then do talk for hours with one of them...


So I would say it's a case by case basis, whether you can hold each other's interest or not.
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #10  July 20,2009, 7:25pm
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I don't call unless asked to or if I have a question or have a need to share something, I prefer the man to do the calling.

On the other hand I love it when a man calls to chat or see if I had a good day.

I know it's a double standard, but it is my double standard.
 
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