Befriending (and possibly dating) a painfully shy man


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escopeta is offline escopeta Post #1  July 19,2009, 1:07am
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I have a rather interesting situation on my hands. There are quite a few variables, so I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. I'm curious what advice you all might have on the matter, and I'll try to make this as succinct and clear as possible.

I've been working somewhere for a little over three years, and one of the newbies to my shift is an absolutely adorable guy that I like a lot. I initially started talking to him and trying to eat lunch with him when possible, because he's quiet and my other coworkers don't often gravitate to introverts. (His brothers also work here, btw, and they know him to be the type to avoid social events.) Now it's starting to develop into a crush on my part, to the point that my own shyness is coming out when I'm around him. However, I'm particularly confused by the way he communicates... or rather... the lack of communication.

Whenever I text him to ask if he'd be able to meet me for lunch while at work, he rarely responds. Same goes for anything else I may send him. (I keep it to a maximum of one or two texts a day, I don't want to be overbearing.) He'll acknowledge what I sent him if I ask him in person later, but it's almost as if it doesn't occur to him that I would like a response. Other times, he'll respond out of the blue and crack a joke, and I've managed to 'con him into' eating lunch with me a couple times over the past week.
I never really know if I'll be met with absolute silence or an actual response. Of course, when I see him in person he's always friendly and doesn't act coldly toward me... that is, if we're alone. (When others are around, he completely shuts down and usually says very little.)

The principle questions for me are 1) What's the cause of the bizarre hot/cold communication? and 2) Am I going to freak him out by continuing to be friendly and offer to eat lunch with him/hang out, even when I'm not regularly getting a response?

I get the feeling that he enjoys my company and may be attracted to me, but I'm confused about the communication issue... I've never known anyone to be timid about something as passive as texting.

Thoughts?
 
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blueshoe is offline blueshoe Post #2  July 19,2009, 2:01am
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Hmmm

Sometimes this can be attractive as I tend to look out for the introverts as I am one also.

I guess I would want to know how old he is and how is he around family and close buddies.

Personally I have always felt that men should pursue and if this guy really is into you he will go after you. Maybe you should back off a little.
It might be evidence also of rejection or abuse. It mean seem kind of cute at first but also might require ALOT of work.

Be careful at work. Sexual harassment these days is pretty common. It's happened to me. Alot of people are messed up these days and healthy work relationships are hard.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  July 19,2009, 2:45am
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Am I going to freak him out by continuing to be friendly and offer to eat lunch with him/hang out, even when I'm not regularly getting a response?
Yes, you are already freaking him out.. he works with you, he is new there, and wants to be friendly, but professional. There is no mixed message "hot/ cold" here. The message is:... "I'm friendly, and will be polite to you, but I am not into you and you are pestering me"..Sorry, that's the message . If he didn't have to work with you he probably would not interact with you at all.
escopeta wrote :
I have a rather interesting situation on my hands. There are quite a few variables, so I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. I'm curious what advice you all might have on the matter, and I'll try to make this as succinct and clear as possible.

I've been working somewhere for a little over three years, and one of the newbies to my shift is an absolutely adorable guy that I like a lot. I initially started talking to him and trying to eat lunch with him when possible, because he's quiet and my other coworkers don't often gravitate to introverts. (His brothers also work here, btw, and they know him to be the type to avoid social events.) Now it's starting to develop into a crush on my part, to the point that my own shyness is coming out when I'm around him. However, I'm particularly confused by the way he communicates... or rather... the lack of communication.

Whenever I text him to ask if he'd be able to meet me for lunch while at work, he rarely responds. Same goes for anything else I may send him. (I keep it to a maximum of one or two texts a day, I don't want to be overbearing.) He'll acknowledge what I sent him if I ask him in person later, but it's almost as if it doesn't occur to him that I would like a response. Other times, he'll respond out of the blue and crack a joke, and I've managed to 'con him into' eating lunch with me a couple times over the past week.
I never really know if I'll be met with absolute silence or an actual response. Of course, when I see him in person he's always friendly and doesn't act coldly toward me... that is, if we're alone. (When others are around, he completely shuts down and usually says very little.)

The principle questions for me are 1) What's the cause of the bizarre hot/cold communication? and 2) Am I going to freak him out by continuing to be friendly and offer to eat lunch with him/hang out, even when I'm not regularly getting a response?

I get the feeling that he enjoys my company and may be attracted to me, but I'm confused about the communication issue... I've never known anyone to be timid about something as passive as texting.

Thoughts?
 
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avinash is offline avinash Post #4  July 19,2009, 3:06am
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You have two options, ask him out yourself and see how he responds, or just accept being work friends.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #5  July 19,2009, 4:06am
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Maybe he's gay.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  July 19,2009, 4:46am
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First thing is never date someone you work with, never.

You have a crush on him, this is one sided. It may be that he recognizes that it is a very bad idea to date someone you work with and is doing what he can to discourage you while trying not to offend.
 
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Edmondo is offline Edmondo Post #7  July 19,2009, 5:39am
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He might have Aspengers
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #8  July 19,2009, 5:48am
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I am mostly leaning to Wiseman’s view.
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #9  July 19,2009, 6:19am
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Edmondo wrote :
He might have Aspengers
Aspergers
 
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Icarus_rw is offline Icarus_rw Post #10  July 19,2009, 6:52am
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I say just cut to the point and tell him you think he is freak'n adorable and you would like to go out on a date with him. This is a bit aggressive but why waste time when you can see if he is truly interested in oh say.....10 seconds?

~I
 
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