eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  July 17,2009, 1:56pm
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Brad Pitt: Don't chat at the urinal; text instead - CNN.com

I was reading this article (which is pretty funny) and noticed the bit about online dating profiles and lying about salaries.

That got me wondering......if someone you were dating lied to you about their salary - how would it make you feel, and how would you handle it?

Some conditionals: ostensibly you'd have to have been dating them for a bit of time for the subject to even come up.....right? Which begs the question - when is it appropriate to discuss things like salary and financials?

Looking forward to the discussion!
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #2  July 17,2009, 2:23pm
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eH_Advice_Admin_Lori wrote :
That got me wondering......if someone you were dating lied to you about their salary - how would it make you feel, and how would you handle it?
Lying to me about salary is the same as lying about anything and it is not going to go over well with me. I am wondering if this refers to sites where one must select a salary range, rather than he/she has actually said what their salary is. In that case, it is better to not select the range at all.

One lie would make me wonder what other things I have been told that are not true or have been embellished. Can I trust anything that I have been told?

I am not entirely sure when the right time to discuss finances is, but I am certain that honesty is never optional. It is not something that I am particularly private or secretive about, so I would be willing to discuss how much I earn very early on.

I daresay that I can't think of when it would be appropriate for me to bring up the conversation without being seen as a gold digger, especially after reading so many threads HERE on the topic!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  July 17,2009, 2:25pm
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Define lie?
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #4  July 17,2009, 2:29pm
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I must be the only person in the online dating arena who has read Emily Post. Asking a date how much they make is a terrible faux pas. There is no need to lie. Just tell them it's none of their business.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  July 17,2009, 2:37pm
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FengShuiBlackBelt wrote :
I must be the only person in the online dating arena who has read Emily Post. Asking a date how much they make is a terrible faux pas. There is no need to lie. Just tell them it's none of their business.

It is common on online dating sites to have an entry for salary. As a man, leaving this blank got me less matches writing me than if I selected my true category.
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  July 17,2009, 2:43pm
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OK. I'm retired. No salary, just living on prior earnings.

But if I were ever to consider marriage again, I would make it my business to know that the man had at least as much as me, if not more.




and remember it's not nice to kick a woman when she's down...
 
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #7  July 17,2009, 2:51pm
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D_Lion wrote :
It is common on online dating sites to have an entry for salary. As a man, leaving this blank got me less matches writing me than if I selected my true category.

Selecting a higher category – justified by including non-wage income – got me far more women writing and replying to my e-mails. Income dominated my results.

Manners are from a time when rich people were unambiguously rich. Today, money governs all: how and where you will live; your likely family composition and outcomes; your tastes, lifestyle and values.
That attitude is why civilization is circling the drain now. "Everyone else is doing it" is no excuse for boorishness. If you take the time to get to know someone and observe their habits and mode of living - as you should do anyway before committing to a relationship - you will learn all you need to know about their finances. Conversely, people who constantly obsess over money have already told me what they're about.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #8  July 17,2009, 2:57pm
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FengShuiBlackBelt wrote :
That attitude is why civilization is circling the drain now. "Everyone else is doing it" is no excuse for boorishness. If you take the time to get to know someone and observe their habits and mode of living - as you should do anyway before committing to a relationship - you will learn all you need to know about their finances. Conversely, people who constantly obsess over money have already told me what they're about.
I disagree. How someone lives their life will not tell you if he/she is racking up huge credit card bills because they are living well above their means. It will just be telling about their tastes. Are you not at all concerned about of the enormous credit card debt that individuals carry in this country?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #9  July 17,2009, 2:58pm
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I disagree with you. An “observed mode of living” might be financed from income, but it might also be financed from debt.
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FengShuiBlackBelt is offline FengShuiBlackBelt Post #10  July 17,2009, 3:11pm
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MelinCali wrote :
I disagree. How someone lives their life will not tell you if he/she is racking up huge credit card bills because they are living well above their means. It will just be telling about their tastes. Are you not at all concerned about of the enormous credit card debt that individuals carry in this country?
Concerned? I laugh at people who buy things they can't afford just to impress other people. They're not really fooling anyone, are they? Can you not see right through someone who is living a lifestyle that doesn't match their bearing? It's easy enough. They don't look comfortable with their borrowed money. That describes most Americans perfectly. You can tell a truly wealthy individual from a poseur because the former doesn't put on airs and flash money around.

I don't have any credit card debt myself. That's not how I was raised. The idea of buying something I can't afford or haven't saved for strikes me as totally absurd. Consequently, women who are overly interested in my income come across as seeking instant gratification, or looking for a meal ticket. I'm not the one to play it, son.
 
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